Sunday, July 5, 2009

Customer Satisfaction, Commentarama Style

We at Commentarama are all about satisfying the needs of our audience. And having just completed an extensive market survey of our e-mail inbox, today we are announcing a few changes that we think will serve you better.

Beginning on Monday, we will be adding a few sponsors to make your Commentarama experience more complete.

A surprisingly large number of you appear to have recently lost family members in plane crashes, most often uncles who served in important posts in government. And we know that government workers rarely have much money. So we have obtained a sponsorship agreement for flight insurance with Air Insure. You can’t beat fate, but your family can profit from your demise!

And what better way to say, “hey, you’re dead” than sending flowers to the deceased. Hence, our sponsorship deal with 1-900-FLOWERZ. A rose may be a rose by any other name, but you don't have to pay retail for it.

For reasons that are not entirely clear, many of you have recently come into large sums of money, and you seem to want our help in handling that money. To serve you better, we’re converting Commentarama from a mere, eminently-enjoyable blog into a most-trustworthy bank. Starting next week, we will be known as Commentarama Banco de’Commerce Internationăle.

Because of our new status, we have qualified to receive bailout funds. And we really like our audience. So we want to share those funds with you! Just send your bank account details to: commentaramabank@yahoo.con and we’ll handle the rest.

Finally, beginning Monday, we will start issuing articles in Nigerian. According to our survey, we are über popular in Nigeria. For the rest of you, we can only suggest that the faster you learn Nigerian, the quicker you can keep up with our witty and timely articles.

Sincerely,
The Management

15 comments:

  1. I am kindly to thank you for opportunity to contribute to great cause. I will be to contacting my barrister, the honorable Mr. Smythe-Mbutu to planning on open an account and to send the money. Kindly to send your banking account and routing information so Mr. Smythe-Mbutu is sending to you the money.

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  2. I joined Commentarama at your sign-up-a-thon, and received my invisible shirt, coffee cup, writing pen, and lapel button. Why isn’t the lapel button invisible? It really smarts when I put that sucker on. Nah-nah-na-boo-boo, I beat you guys to the world of Nigerian Investment. They made a great argument, they’re safer than US Treasury Bonds, and guaranteed a 30% return on investment, hey what’s not to like.

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  3. Won't this make you eligible for a bailout under stimulus 2?

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  4. Jed, We are fully stimulated already. . . send us your account details and you too can get something for nothing! Trust me! :-)


    StanH, You'll have to talk to customer service about the lapel pins. I am impressed by your investing acumen however! Would you like to buy a set of commemorative coins from the Island of Lost Toys? They're made of notrealium, and they've got Biden picking his nose on one side and Pelosi picking Biden's nose on the other. They're guaranteed never to go down in value.

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  5. “Let me see …I already have my Barry/Biden commemorative plates, and I really dig anything from The Lost Toys and whoa, Pelosi/Biden on the same coin. so I’ll have to say… yes!”

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  6. Have offended all recent hostesses and need the 1-8000-flowerz pronto! Many txs.

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  7. Please send picture of Rose and plane crash.

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  8. We have a really really special offer just for our friends, but you have to respond in the next 10 minutes to get your special offer. Find out what it is by sending your credit card number, bank account and email address to us and we will send you your own special friend offer. Don't wait another second or you will miss out on your special offer just for you!!!!

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  9. That's the spirit folks! Now send those credit card numbers!

    FYI, for those of you who aren't spammed as much as we are, the plane crash thing seems to be the latest theme.

    Apparently, a plane crashed in Burkino Faso last year, and every single government minister from every single African country was on it. And they all left trusts in various banks, that require someone from America with a trusting e-mail account name to come open them. Very sad.

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  10. It would be cool if we could edit or better yet it would be even cooler if I’d edit my own post, I meant, “I dig the The Island of Lost Toys, why am I such a misfit?”

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  11. Does this mean I'm really not the long lost princess (six times removed) to the British throne?

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  12. Writer X, I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking. . . no.

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  13. Nigerian. Jeez, I just started to learn Costa Rican for when I was going to move there to be all happy and stuff!

    And, by the way, my local market refused my Commentarama Banco de’Commerce Internationăle debit card. What's up with that??

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  14. That shouldn't have happened Suzie1 -- send us your bank account details and we'll take care of the rest! :-)

    As you may have noticed, we're a little behind on the switch to Nigerian. Apparently, it's harder to learn than it looks!

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