We’ve been busy casting “Commentarama: The Movie.” So far, all we’ve got is Janeane Garofalo playing Lawhawk. She kindly agreed to step in when the whole Michael Jackson thing fell through. I suspect Lawhawk will be thrilled to hear this. In any event, if you had to cast someone (living or dead) to play you in your biopic, who would it be? And tell us what role(s) they played that made you choose them.
Shrek. For obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteAndrew: I just read your cast list. I am now deciding whether to commit suicide or murder, and at the moment, murder is winning. Did I forget to get cast approval in my contract?
ReplyDeleteFrankly, the only person who could possibly have done justice to my part is Cary Grant, and he's long gone.
Since Don Knotts and Wally Cox are also gone, I guess you'll have to be played by Sean Penn, channeling Don or Wally, channeling you.
Lawhawk, I'm not worried about your homocidal tendancies because I doubt you can find me. . . Whooo haaah haah.
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out who could play me. I'm leaning toward Mr. T, but I'm also considering Herve Villechaize. "Boss, the plane fool!" I say that all the time.
Zorro. The female version. Maintaining anonymity is key. But it doesn't mean I have to like wearing the burka-like mask cape thingy. And I'd like to change the color of the mask cape thingy from black to a pretty blue. Will there be costume designers on our movie set? And caterers?
ReplyDeleteAndrew: "Homocidal?" Was that a homophobic crack, just because of where I live? LOL
ReplyDeleteWriter X, Whether or not we have costumes and catering will depend on how much money the Commentarama Bake Sale Division can earn to back the film! We're hopeful! :-)
ReplyDeleteLawhawk, no slight intended, I'm just the product of the new spelling bug that hit the skools in the 1970s.
Wait a minute, didn't George Hamilton play Zorro?
ReplyDeleteI hope not.
ReplyDeleteAndrew: I have watched "The Gay Blade" I don't know how many times. And it's funny every time. Particularly Bunny Wigglseworth. OK, you can cast Hamilton in my spot, as long as it means we're rid of the G-Beast666.
ReplyDeleteHow far back will we be going? Will there be any chance of a pre-quel like "Commentarama - The Wonder Years"? I would really like Mary Badham to play me as a child.
ReplyDeleteBut if not then I would settle for Cate Blanchett or a complete unknown who is propelled to greatness as a result of playing me...
I will be happy to head up the Bake Sale Division so W-X can have her Zorro Costume. How about a little "fence" fan like Wilson on the "Home Improvement"?
Bev, if the fence fan is crafted from nice wood, like a fresh pine or a smooth cheery wood, I'd be okay with it. Again, I'd like to speak with the movie costume designers first, to be certain.
ReplyDeleteI have to choose Kirstie Alley 'cause people said I look like her in our younger years.
ReplyDeleteThe only role I know of hers is in Cheers where she was kinda of a lovable loser.
Yeah, that'd be me.
I wanna be in charge of the bake sale, Bev
Let's see... 20s, Jewish, awkward... so I would have to say Zach Braff or Seth Green. (I've also been told I look like Gary Oldman in The Professional, even though he's twenty-plus years old than I am.)
ReplyDeleteFor my (currently non-existant) girlfriend, I'll say Lizzy Caplan, who was in Cloverfield and several episodes of True Blood last season (where she left nothing to the imagination). ;-)
For my mom, the answer is easy: Jane Kaczmarek, who played the mom in Malcolm in the Middle. For my dad, I have no idea... he can be a bit idiosyncratic. :-) And for my grandfather (dad's dad) we would need to find John Wayne, if John Wayne were Jewish, born in the Bronx, and raised a family in Oceanside. :-)
Scott, I see that you've thought about this! LOL!
ReplyDeleteLawhawk, I do like that movie as well.
Cheryl, Kirstie Alley was great on Cheers. I liked her in Star Trek II as well.
Bev, Of course there will be a sequel/prequel. That's where the money is made in movies! In fact, we might even end on a cliff hanger just to make sure we can do a sequel!
ReplyDeleteNice thinking on the unknown actress! :-)
Writer X, It sounds like you're going to get your wish regarding the costume department. Maybe even the catering!
ReplyDeleteLawhawk, I could see George Hamilton playing you for some reason. You tan a lot in San Fran right?
I think I would stick with Cary Grant -- how can you go wrong with that? Or maybe Bogart if I'm feeling shifty.
I think I'm going to go with Richard Todd for the younger "heroic" years (Robin Hood and When Knighthood Was in Flower were the roles that did it.
ReplyDeleteRobert Morris gets the nod for the mature years (his role in Mad Men is fantastic.)
I will now break with Commenterama law and give you guys who I would cast for YOU!
Hawk: Gregory Peck or Arthur Hill - pick 'em
Andrew: Harry Hamlin or Uncle Sam
Writer X - Catherine Zeta-Jones in mask.
Bev - Britt Eckland
Scott - young Tom Hanks
Mega Troll - Mickey Rourke
Thought that might give you all a chuckle, lol
Jed,
ReplyDeleteThat is actually an excellent list. I could totally see those choices! Wow!
I think you especially got Writer X, Scott and Mega right!
By the way, I am a huge fan of Arthur Hill (The Andromeda Strain).
(P.S. Congrats on being the first to break the rules, it had to happen sometime, or it just wouldn't have felt right!)
Jed, I think I love you.
ReplyDeleteWriter X, Should we start calling you Zeta X?
ReplyDeleteYoung Tom Hanks? You flatter me, sir. :-)
ReplyDeleteAndrew, I hate to sound like "one of those damn kids" but I recently filled out one of those Facebook surveys... this one was literally titled "Who would play you, your love interest, your best friend, a parent and your worst enemy in a movie about your life?"
My answers were Braff, Caplan, and Kaczmarek for me, girlfriend, and parent, respectively.
For my enemy, I chose Ricardo Montalban as Khan, since I don't really have an enemy in real life (not yet).
And for best friend, I chose British actor/comedian Bill Bailey who, even though he's 20 years older, sort of encapsulates some of the qualities found in my closer friends. He's a geek, a nut, awkward, and fun to be around. He was in a funny BBC series called Black Books and can be seen in Spaced and Hot Fuzz.
If he were still alive, I'd recommend Jerry Goldsmith to do the score for Commentarama: The Movie. :-)
Will you be hiring any extras? My son's looking for some part time acting work.
ReplyDeleteHe has had roles as "Blogger #2", and "word verification guy".
Scott, That explains why you had the full family already figured out.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know Facebook asked those questions. I shall endeavor to be more creative in the future. Perhaps we'll talk about string theory next time. . . 8-(
I really liked Hot Fuzz, though I liked Shaun of the Dead a lot more. I never did get into Spaced.
Suzie1, We're looking for a cast of 1000s! This is going to be an extravaganza! "blogger #2" it is!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Scott, How about John Barry? We'll ask him to give us something between the James Bond Theme and the Black Hole theme! It will be awesome!
ReplyDeleteAndrew - ha! Actually, there's some separate application within Facebook that features all sorts of questions from the philosophical to the mundane.
ReplyDeleteBarry's a good choice, though I believe he's retired. My pick: Danny Elfman (circa 10-15 years ago). :-D
Scott, Mundane huh? If I ever ask for your favorite number or who would play you in a movie, then shoot me. . .
ReplyDeleteElfman strikes me a lot like Jerry Goldsmith in his later years. I vote we get Barry out of retirement.
Audrey Hepburn is probably too classy for me - can I get a young Kathleen Turner?
ReplyDeleteAndrew - I'm not sure I follow. Sarcasm is hard to type on a blog! :-)
ReplyDeleteI meant that the Facebook application simply has all sorts of questions from interesting ones like "Who would play you in a movie?" or "Which historical event would you like to have witnessed?" to the mundane, like "Name five objects on your desk."
I didn't mean to imply your question was mundane!
ReplyDeleteWhat genre is this movie, exactly? :-)
Howie Mandell for me. We are both bald (Head Blade!!), and we are both germaphobes.
ReplyDeleteIn search of something different, Peter Sellers. I can be inspector for the Messiah as Clouseau, I’ll search for the lost trillions.
ReplyDeleteScott, I was pulling your leg. Nevermind. The joke didn't work. :-(
ReplyDeleteI suspect we're going to transcend genre. Maybe a political thriller?
Monica, Kathleen Turner, I like that one. Jessica Rabbit!
LoneWolfArcher, Howie Mandel? Does this mean you have suitcases full of money? Because that would be pretty cool if you did.
Stan, Peter Sellers is awesome. "Does your Messiah bite?"
"No."
ReplyDelete(bite!)
"That was not my messiah."
:-D
Exactly Scott! LOL! :-)
ReplyDeleteI’m referring to Barry, sorry should’ve qualified.
ReplyDeleteAh, I misunderstood. Now that's an interesting choice, how would Peter Sellers do playing Obama?
ReplyDeleteoh have mercy. i needs to think. i need someone mouthy, at ease around firearms and bonfires, able to figuratively head-lock her male friends (she's a little older now and has given up the literal end of this activity), someone who likes a drink and can't live without junk food, yet girly enough to love her 3 inch heels and getting dressed to kill. she would need to be loyal and nice, but never sweet. she needs a love of country and a willingness to stand for a fight. oh, and she definately needs to know her way around a laptop cause she blogs.
ReplyDeletei have no idea.
For Stan and Peter Sellars, I would have thought the character of Chauncey Gardener would have been an appropriate character inspiration for Mr. Hope 'n Change.
ReplyDeletePatty - based on your description, why don't we tee up , say, a Reese Witherspoon and for Monica, how about Naomi Watts.
lonewolf - with that handle, sorry, but you are Bogie inspired by the Maltese Falcon; case closed!
Jed, You've got a talent for this. I could totally see Reece Witherspoon fitting Patti's requirements!
ReplyDeleteI can even see LoneWolfArcher as Bogart.
Of course, casting this film is going to cost a fortune. I hope our bake sale is up to the task! :-)
Jed: I can see Barry saying or thinking, “ I like to watch.”
ReplyDeleteTennessee: Great cast list. Gregory Peck is (well, was) a fellow UC Berkeley alum, albeit a much earlier class. But I want to go with Arthur Hill.
ReplyDeleteAlas, poor young Andrew Price. He's probably too young to remember "Owen Marshall--Counselor at Law." I even modeled my early practice on his--I set up my first office at home. It only took me about a week to realize that it looks a lot better on TV than in real life. The last thing a criminal law/divorce lawyer wants is for anyone to know where he lives.
Lawhawk, What's an Owen Marshall?
ReplyDeleteHow about a political thriller with some action, romance, and comedy thrown in? We could just do a round-robin script and probably come up with something better than Hollywood is producing these days. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can make a decent cheesecake for the bake sale.
Monica, that's a great idea LOL! We could just open a thread somewhere and have people add to the story. I need to think about how to do that technically. I would be interesting to see what we end up with. . .
ReplyDeleteAndrew - Owen Marshall was a similar legal drama to the Defenders (which paired E.G. Marshall and Robert Reed.) In Owen, the pairing was Arthur Hill with, get this, Lee Majors of Farrah Fawcett and Bionic Man fame.
ReplyDeleteLee Majors? That I never would have guessed!
ReplyDeleteAndrew: The others got there ahead of me. They were being kind. Owen Marshall's house (which looked like it covered about an acre) made my house look like a tarpaper shack. But one can dream, can't one?
ReplyDeleteDid some more thinking about genre. Maybe we do Cop Rock, but with more of a sci-fi and western motif (don't forget "story inspired by actual events." Regardless, I want to have a bit role not playing myself (Richard Todd does that) but rather, I want to be the guy from the ING commercial who walks around with a boom box playing his own theme music.
ReplyDeleteCool! I'm Britt Eckland. Only one problem...wasn't she blond? I refuse to played by a blond. How about Veronica Lake or, if she has to be blond, can I be played by Irene Dunne? If Law can be played by Cary Grant, I want to be played by Irene Dunne!
ReplyDeleteI want to cast the tour company too! Let's cast the Former Evil Empire tour of "Commentarama - The Musical" - it will go to North Korea, Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, Syria, Lebanon, Palestinian Territories, Sudan (I am sure we can book other choice places) -
Sean Penn can play LawHawkSF, Alec Baldwin can play Andrew; I would be willing to have any of the ladies of the View(past and present) to play me, the Jbeast666 can play anyone as long as she goes on the very long tour...Keith Olberman can be Tour Company Manager and Rachel Maddow can be Stage Manager.
Bev - hell yes you can be played by Veronica Lake; I was just trying to make you into a Bond Girl (lol.) I have to put my foot down on Keith Olberman though, since I would physically assault him and get thrown in the clink.
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, he can be in the cast, if, and this is a big if, we can re-write the script to include a role for the late Kitty Carlyle and have Olberman play her.
(yes, I did steal that last one from an old iowahawk post, but hey.)
Keith Olberman can definitely be played by the late Kitty Carlisle, but it doesn't seem fair to Ms.
ReplyDeleteCarlisle. Maybe a late silent film star would do, then he wouldn't be able to speak even from the grave! He would just be able to gesture artistically!
I am not up on my Bond girls, in that case Britt will do considering Veronica Lake is also blond (I just look her up). I could have sworn she was a brunette.
Bev: After sticking me with Sean Penn, you get to be played by the late Hedy Lamarr, as opposed to Headly Lamarr from Blazing Saddles. LOL
ReplyDeleteLaw and Tenn - It has long been my dream to cast a musical tour with people I don't like and send them to places from which they will not likely return or at least be silence for a long while...that's why I cast Sean, Alec, the View Ladies, the JGbeast666, Keith Olberman, and Rachel Maddow!
ReplyDeleteThen there is the extra added bonus of making each of their heads "essplode" because of the conservative dialogue we would write! Think of the possibilities!
Bev, could you see Olberman having to read a poem extoling the virtues of Ronald Reagan? He would slit his wrists halfway through.
ReplyDeleteAndrew: And that would happen on the first day of rehearsal! On second thought, we probably wouldn't make it out of rehearsals without losing the entire cast to self-immolation.
ReplyDeleteBev, I'm ok with that. :-)
ReplyDelete