Wednesday, April 21, 2010

DC Statehood Dies. . . Again (Yay!)

It looks like the issue of statehood for the District of Columbia has died for the year. Good. This thing needs to die finally and stay dead. Unfortunately, it keeps coming back and some Republicans mistakenly support this policy because they think this will somehow endear them to blacks. This is a horrible idea. Let me tell you what we should do instead.
Why The Democrats Want Statehood
Every year, the Democrats try to push through statehood for the District of Columbia. Why would they want this? Try this, it’s 80% Democratic. Moreover, they’re loony Democrats. Nancy Pelosi would be considered a moderate in DC. It’s the kind of place where nepotism runs deep, the police force hires criminals, criminals walk away from jail and no one cares, potholes thrive, snow only gets removed from privileged streets, the politicians are drug addicts and thieves, and the residents fight about whether particular candidates are “black enough”. . . all of the common characteristics of the worst banana republics. And if the District gets statehood, they would get two guaranteed Senate seats and probably three guaranteed House seats.

Why in the world would any Republican agree with that? Because they’re misguided.

Some Republicans see this as a way to show blacks that they aren’t racists. Talk about a stupid idea. I’ve talked about minority outreach before. If you want to reach out to minorities, you need to actually do it -- empty gestures, no matter how destructive to the nation and the party, simply are not enough. It’s time to stop viewing blacks as a group. Treat them like everyone else. Reach out to the ones who share our values and forget the rest. Stop trying to placate the ones you’ll never get. And holy cow, don’t give the Democrats two permanent Senate seats just to prove something that no one reputable believes anyway!

Even talk about giving Utah an additional House seat in exchange does nothing to offset this disaster.

Fortunately, the primary Republican offender on this point, Tom Davis of Northern Virginia has resigned. Davis got swept into the House in 1994 and he’s a turd. Since he’s been in the House, he has been the biggest proponent of increasing government pay and DC statehood in the Republican Party. Good riddance jerk off.
Why The “Moral” Argument For Statehood Is Crap
Proponents of statehood love to whine that there are all these poor people in the District who aren’t represented. They don’t get the vote, just like every other American. Boo hoo hoo. Well. . . move.

It’s not like we conquered the District and took away their votes. There’s no fence to keep them in. Everyone who lives there lives there by choice. They knew they would not have the vote when they got there and they know they won't get it if they stay. And if they want to vote, they can move a couple miles away to Maryland.
What Republicans Should Do
And that brings me to the solution. Rather than letting this issue drag on year after year with the danger that the Democrats some day might actually get statehood for DC (like they could have done this year if their leaders weren’t morons), let’s put an end to this charade once and for all:

Take the part of the District that includes the monuments and the neighboring government offices. No one lives there. Carve that out as the District of Columbia. Take the rest and hand it back to Maryland, from whence it came. Maryland, like the District is hopelessly corrupt and Democratic, so the former residents of the District will feel quite at home. Moreover, the District would fit in well with Maryland. In fact, when you are in it, you have no idea where DC stops and Maryland begins. They are identical twins separated at birth. Let’s reunite them. . . think of the children!

So I say, spin them off to Maryland and put this issue to bed before some Democrat actually gets this monster pushed through.

And while we’re at it. . . Hawaiian independence is looking pretty good. It’s the right thing to do. Sure, the Senate would lose two Democrats, but that's a small price to pay for undoing our evil colonial past! Heck, breaking California into two parts sounds pretty good too -- west coast and everything else. Maybe we need a new state right between Texas and Oklahoma?

Come on Republicans, think globally act locally.


23 comments:

  1. Let's make it a Canadian province instead.

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  2. Andrew,

    I don't know about Hawaii, but the rest of it sounds good, especially splitting California into two states. :-)

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  3. i love when you break down dems blatant play for MORE power to the ridiculous. gives me the giggles...

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  4. As every child who went to "skool" in Texas knows - Texas had written in the State charter with the US in 1834 that by a vote of the majority, the State can either split into 5 separate states or secede and revert back to sovereign nation. It could happen and then Texas could either have 10 Senators or become an OPEC nation. By the power invested in me by my University of Texas diploma, I vote OPEC...

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  5. LWA, I'm doubting Canada would take it! Trust me, Maryland is a good place for it -- no one will notice the difference.

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  6. Joel, Hawaii has been a reliable Democratic stronghold for years until recently, and even now its mostly an accident that Republicans win.

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  7. Patti, That's all this is. They don't care about "unrepresented voters" -- as evidenced by how they treat military votes -- they only care about Democrats who don't get the vote.

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  8. Bev, I like the idea of breaking Texas into 5 states!!! Wow! Could you imagine a sudden influx of eight more Texas Senators? Talk about fixing the Senate!

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  9. bev: i appoint myself the grand poobah on the grounds that i own a shotgun, wear boots and love shiner beer, and second your vote!

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  10. Actually, that should be "by the power vested in me" though my parents may think otherwise since they invested the money for that UT diploma.

    Either way, it has alwasy been my secret hidden desire to be Queen of Texas. It may be because I never qualified to be the Tyler Rose Queen or UT Homecoming Queen.

    Patti, you can be Queen too since you've got the boots and shotgun. Just bring a six-pack of Shiner for our Coronation...

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  11. Patti & Bev, why does this sound like the beginning of the Great Texas Revolt?

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  12. At first I thought you were describing Chicago. :-)

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  13. Writer X, DC is like Chicago, only stupider and with uglier buildings.

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  14. Andrew: Although D.C. was also partially carved out of Virginia, I'm quite sure that The Old Dominion would be perfectly happy to let Maryland have the whole mess.

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  15. Lawhawk, I'm pretty sure Virginia would not want so much as a square inch back. Maryland probably doesn't want it either, but I don't really care what Maryland wants.

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  16. Andrew,

    Bev and Patti, it sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship as in Casablanca. ;-)

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  17. Perhaps a new mission for NASA put DC on the moon?

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  18. It shows I'm from Oklahoma and see 5 Texas states and the first thing in my mind is, how would this affect the Big 12? :)

    But on point, I like your solution. Handing those voters to Maryland would be just fine.

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  19. JG, It would certainly change the Big 12!! Of course, as a CU Buffs fan, that might be a good thing!

    I see no reason at all that we shouldn't return the residential parts of the District to Maryland. That gives them the vote, it ends this issue, and it keeps us from facing the prospects of a massive self-inflicted wound!

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  20. Hey JG - It would just mean that many more times UT can beat OU! ;-) Red River Rivalry X 5.

    Now that we all agree that the City of DC should be annexed back into Maryland, how do we convince Maryland to take them?

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  21. Bev, I'm for leaving DC in a basket on the door step, ringing the bell and running away!

    Seriously, I think this is a great issue for the Republicans. Not only will it put an end to this, but it will likely get ultra-liberal Maryland blasting ultra-liberal DC for it's incompetence as they fight to keep from being forced to take DC back. That's a great way to expose "the liberal lie." After all, if liberalism is so great, then why would this bother Maryland?

    We just need some Republicans to start pushing this.

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  22. [1] Can't we just secede instead???

    [2] OK, if we can't secede (and I've been told that we gave up that right when we re-joined the Union - dang yankee carpetbaggers!) then can we just "sorta" split up - like in name only? I am rather attached to the Great State of Texas covering the heartland from the Red to the Rio Grande! Turning us into 5 po-dunk state-lets is just so wrong.

    [3] When I lived in NO VA (it's own universe, similar to the DC-verse)I first saw the DC "Taxation without Representation" license plates - and I had to laugh, cuz they chose to live there!!!

    [4]Doesn't Aloha = buh-bye??

    [5] JG - thanks for the laugh about the Big 12 - such a TX-OK thing to ask!!!

    [6] seriously, can we de-Repub some people? I don't want purity tests, but surely impurity tests wouldn't hurt... it's like those @#$%# Phelps folks - everytime they put up the name of that "church" and it has Baptist in it I want to spit nails!! I know some awfully legalistic, hide-bound Baptists and the Phelps cult makes them look like European dilettantes! Ok - rant over ;-)

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  23. rlaWTX, I'm thinking the Texas split would be in name only. No reason to change anything else except the number of seats in the Senate!

    Yeah, I thought those "no taxation without representation" license plates were stupid as well. If you don't like it, move.

    As for kicking some people out of the Republican Party, I'm all for it. I have nothing against moderates, but disloyalty is where I draw the line. When someone like Charlie Crist spends days pondering an independent bid, then he needs to be shown the door.

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