So, the forecast for this week has been "Sunny with a chance of
the Rapture"! You may have heard the predictions that today at 6pm (ET) the Biblical Rapture is scheduled to begin. And just to be on the safe side, please land that plane, pull over to the side of the road and refrain from operating heavy machinery to help make the upcoming "Hell on Earth" a little easier for those of us who will inevitably be left behind. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.
As we wait for the appointed time when many of you will be "raptured upward", let us know how you are spending your last few hours in this Earthly plane before...well...you know. And if it turns out that they got the date wrong (again) or you didn't get to go this round, don't be embarrassed because there's always the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar (12/21/2012)to look forward to.
Bev, My money's on the Mayans!
ReplyDeleteBuuuut, if anyone feels they will indeed be raptured today, feel free to send all your money to our Commentarama account. :-)
By the way, let me note that apparently wrestler Randy "Macho Man" Savage got a head start on everyone yesterday. "Oh yeeeeah!" R.I.P.
ReplyDeleteBev: One of the grandkids just said she didn't want to go to heaven right now. I told her that we're among the chosen, so we have no choice.
ReplyDeleteHow will I be spending my last few hours? Eh--hookers and blow, mostly. And if I get around to it, I may load my 9mm and stroll through the neighborhood looking for stray kittens.
ReplyDeleteSeeings as how I am half Jewish and half Southern Neo-Pagan Hedonistic, my chances are pretty nil on the Rapture front. I must say though that the sky has begun to take on an ominous dark glow...
ReplyDeleteT-rav, you are lucky that I don't really like cats all that much otherwise I'd have to turn you into "The Management". And I think hookers and blow is probably you're front row ticket to Armageddon. Hey maybe we can sit together!
ReplyDeleteT_Rav or "Notorious T.R.A.V.",
ReplyDelete"Hookers and blow"! Your philosophy intrigues me! Do you have any pamphlets or anything like that?
Bev, your threat concerning "The Management" really has me shaking in my shoes; except with the world ending in a few hours, I don't think there's anything that mysterious figure could do to me anyway. As for the lifestyle I've chosen to (briefly) take up, I'll be all right as long as I repent by 5:59 pm or whenever it is. But if things do go south for me--literally--please do save me a seat. :-)
ReplyDeleteAndrew, sure thing! There's no pamphlets, but you can find all you need to know at www.dontsnitchtothepo-po.com. Oh crap, now I really am going to hell for being a racist...
ReplyDeleteThe fact that the rapture is supposed to occur at 6:00 "local time" just makes me laugh. It reminds me of all the jokes the characters make in Gremlins 2 about the "Don't feed them after midnight" rule.
ReplyDelete"Oh yeah? What time zone? What if you're flying and you cross the International Date Line?" Etc. :-)
Having said that, I assume if it does happen, I won't have to go to work on Monday?
In any case, NYC was pretty lively today. The Big Apple Comic-Con (spring edition) was being held at Penn Plaza, there was a "dance parade" along Broadway south of 23rd St., and it's the 100th birthday of the NY Public Library's Schwarzman Building (the one you see in the movies) and they had a nice selection of their archives on display.
if, by chance, this turns out to be a "never mind" moment, I'll be up next week in the Elmira/Corning area doing some mountain golf with my fellow insurance fat cats, and lighting illegal Cubans with $50 bills while drinking single malts in a show of solidarity against creeping socialism in Obama nation.
ReplyDeleteBecause I am 100% "old school" I'll be incommunicado from Monday through Saturday so blog and comment hard. May I slso suggest you download and listen to "Rememberance Day" by Mark Knopfler off his "Get Lucky" CD. Wonderful song for Memorial Weekend. ;-)
Hey... I'm still here. What gives?
ReplyDeleteAndrew, is there something you,re not telling us?
ReplyDeleteI say we give it another hour or so before we declare the Rapture officially a non-starter. Maybe he didn't take daylight savings time into account!
Scott. It kind of makes me laugh too, BUT there is a very small part of me that can't completely let it go. I read the "Left Behind" series and it just makes me think "ya' never know'!
ReplyDeleteSo while I take the next 43 minutes to find out if the Rapture is occurring in my TZ, I'll just give any nonbelievers here a heads-up on what to expect once we're gone. This is actually not a hoax.
ReplyDeletehttp://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp
Bev, Nothing much... just a few indictments for crimes against humanity. But they pass those out to anyone these days. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteT-Rav, I saw that. I would say they have a sense of humor, but The Onion did something like that a couple years ago when they had a news story on Pittsburgh being unprepared for a full-scale Zombie attack.... Onion Link
Here's your link: CDC Link
Andrew, this is obviously a ridiculous story. This guy's favorite zombie movie is "Resident Evil"? Really? Not that Resident Evil is a bad addition to the genre, mind you, but it can't stand up to the likes of "Dawn of the Dead," or "28 Days Later," for that matter. Plus, zombies are not out just for brains. That's a widely-known myth.
ReplyDeleteCouple this with how the CDC turned out in last year's "The Walking Dead," and I'm gonna say we should absolutely not trust these guys in the event of a zombie apocalypse. What do you expect from a government agency?
Ah, a zombie aficionado! I agree, Resident Evil was fun, but doesn't stand up to the others. I hear they're bringing The Walking Dead back for a second season. I'm looking forward to that.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, if you like zombies, read the Onion article, it's full of great references to all kinds of zombie movies. It's very well done.
T-Rav. I learned a lot from the movie "Zombie". I found out that, though a zombie may try to eat your brain, if you swat them with a damp bath towel, they fall over and you can get away.
ReplyDeleteBev, That's an excellent tip!
ReplyDeleteAs an aside, I wonder how many readers we lost in this "rapture" thing? And are we supposed to write articles praising Satan now that all the good people are gone? Satan is suppose to come next right? I'm confused.
And does anybody know if Obama is still here? Maybe he IS Satan? No... not popular enough.
it's only 4:15 here. I have almost another couple of hours to go. Actually, I have lots of time left, rapture or not. I'm pretty sure I'll be left behind.
ReplyDeleteAndrew. According to Huffpo, we already HAVE been writing articles that praise the Great Satan every time we write praising the US military or Reagan and offers...
ReplyDeleteIf the Rapture has taken place, it did nothing to solve the weekend traffic problem in Los Angeles.
ReplyDeleteThat's "others". New Ipad and I am not used to the Autowords spell thingy yet.
ReplyDeleteNo offense, LL, but I think the califonia traffic may just be the earthly manifestation of Satan.
ReplyDeleteBev, Good. I'm glad to hear it. Then I'll just keep right on doing what I've been doing! :-) I really didn't want to start writing articles about why we shouldn't be regulating brimstone emissions.
ReplyDeleteIpad? You people and your fancy technology. I cruise the internet on an old fashioned typewriter... uphill both ways. ;-)
LL, That's too bad. This really could have done wonders for traffic and unemployment.
Tam, Not to sound too cynical, but I'm pretty sure we've all been left behind.
Andrew, I do enjoy the zombie genre. In fact, when "The Walking Dead" was being discussed on BH last fall, a liberal troll and I dropped the political stuff for a while and just swapped ideas on the episodes. Good times, good times...slow as I am, though, I didn't notice the references in the article until it got to the advisory about shopping malls. Frankly, I bet if such an event did occur, government officials would be saying these exact same things.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would like to point out that the continuing traffic gridlock in L.A. should not be taken as evidence that the Rapture did not occur. It is, after all, Los Angeles.
Andrew, I just got a spam e-mail from your e-mail address. I replied to let you know but I just realized my e-mail might in turn end up in your spam folder.
ReplyDeleteJust an FYI!
T_Rav,
ReplyDeleteNot go all zombie nerd on you, but....
1. Pittsburgh has been the epicenter of zombie-dom ever since Romero created the genre in Night of the Living Dead (1968), which happens near Pittsburgh. Land of the Dead also uses Pittsburgh, and Dawn of the Dead (1976) was shot in the area.
2. The 1985 incident in Louisville is from Return of the Living Dead (1985).
3. The mall -- Dawn of the Dead (2004) and (1978).
4. Night of the Living Dead starts in a cemetery, as the article keeps mentioning, and they try to hide in a stationwagon, as mentioned in the article.
5. Running fast, not slow (outdated information) is 28 Days Later (2002).
6. “Destroy the Brain” is the advice given by the local sheriff in Night of the Living Dead.
I suspect there are more references, but I can’t place them.
Scott, I'll check it out thanks. Maybe I've been hacked?
ReplyDeleteWell, aren't you just freaking special then!! I did get that the fast zombie stuff (if you ask me, a corruption both of the original stories and of zombie physics) was from 28 Days Later and the DotD remake (set in Milwaukee, by the way), but that's about it. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the original Romero stuff. I mean, it's good, especially Night of the Living Dead, but Day of the Dead bothered me without being enjoyable, and Land of the Dead was just kind of stupid--a lot of "Aaahhh!! The zombies have intelligence!" stuff, without additional sub-plots. I just think the newer stuff is better in a lot of ways.
ReplyDelete(sits down and waits for heresy trial)
T_Rav, I actually agree with you. I think Night of the Living Dead is really important because it started the genre (and it's also very good). I think 28 Days Later is an important film because it revived the genre and introduced fast-twitch zombies (even though they weren't true zombies).
ReplyDeleteBeyond that, the genre has been full of pretenders and pathetic cookie-cutter sequels. Romero in particular has been struggling to find something new since the first film and hasn't really produced anything worthwhile. And the idea of intelligent zombies completely misses the point to zombies. If they can think too, then they're not zombies, they're just angry, infected humans.
Beyond these, I did enjoy Walking Dead a lot, but it's largely about real characters moreso than about zombies. And I liked Resident Evil a lot, but that's more of a videogame. Most zombie films (and I assure you, I've seen them all 3-4 times) stink.
FYI, I saw one called "Ahh Zombies" the other day which was pretty funny. The zombies don't realize they're zombies. They think everyone else is infected and it was pretty funny. I think it was on Chiller?