Protocols Of The Elders Of Carter

This is a picture taken of former worst President, soon to be second worst ex-president, Jimmy Carter. He has just received the reviews of his anti-Israel screed Palestine--Peace Not Apartheid. The Jews conspired to give it a thumbs-down--even the liberals. Either that, or he hasn't had his prune juice yet.

Or maybe he just picked up a bug while he was on his fact-fabrication tour of North Korea. He returned in April from that unauthorized, and I mean unauthorized diplomatic visit to the wonderful Kim Jong Il worker's paradise. Unlike Barack Obama, whose visits are currently official, Carter's visits condemn all things American while visiting totalitarian dictators. Obama merely apologizes for our stupidity and arrogance.

In order to offset the pernicious Elders of Zion, Carter has formed his own group called The Elders who travel with him around the world stirring up peace and damning America. It's a sort of old farts' consortium of aging and discredited world leaders. Not content to bash the Jews alone, Carter and self-appointed Elder Martti Ahtassari of Finland went to Pyongyang to create an agreement with Kuddly Kim that would stop the onerous sanctions imposed on North Korea by the UN (front-men for the evil United States).

It's rumored that Carter proposed that if North Korea would destroy a rifle or two and give up cooking kimchi outside of airtight kitchens, he would convince the Americans to stop making nuclear demands while sending the entire food output of the Midwest to North Korea to make up for their attempt to starve innocent Koreans. Carter was apparently successful in brokering the North Korean end of the agreement, because he rushed back to Washington to present his plan to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

At first Clinton wouldn't comment on the proposed conference, since she was busy screwing free and open governments in Central and South America. She wasn't in any great hurry to accept Carter's calls. Carter has been trying now for about a month and a half to instruct Hillary on how to ease the tensions with North Korea. He's a bit of a dunderhead, and doesn't quite realize that he's not the President any longer. Hillary ain't returning his calls. But he should have recognized that his input was unsolicited and unwanted about the end of April.

Asked by a reporter at that time if Clinton intended to meet with the Peanut King, her undiplomatic response was "No--hell no!" It could be that Hillary was a little testy over some of Carter's public statements while he was visiting North Korea. Among other things, Carter told Kim that the United States and South Korea were conspiring to keep food from the starving North Koreans solely to get political and military concessions. Well, while you're insulting your own country, you might as well insult an ally at the same time and in exactly the right place.

Since returning, and while sitting next to the phone waiting for Hillary's call, Carter and The Elders have been busy undermining US Middle East policy while supporting the merger of two terrorist organizations in Palestine. Carter sees the cozy new friendship of Hamas and Fatah as the first step to peace in Palestine. He knows it will create democracy, and a genuine understanding with those damned recalcitrant Jews who are occupying the Palestinians' lands. The two are merely practicing the old Arab saying that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." They won't turn on each other again until Israel disappears.

Exhibiting a form of logorrhea previously unknown in the United States (he may have picked it up from Kim), Carter has also been blabbing about how "religion" is the cause of oppression of women. Well, he has a good point if you read the Koran. But I'm unclear on which other religions he thinks systematically abuse and demean women. On the Elder's site (www.theelders.org) Carter is also spending his waiting time stirring up animosities between the Cypriot Christians and the Muslims who want to take over the parts of the Greek island that they haven't already captured during a bloody mini-war.

Carter should put his hard-hat back on, put duct tape over his mouth, and go back to building quonset huts for poor people. Mr. Peanut--you're a disgrace to America.