Wednesday, February 22, 2012

T-Rav's Sockpuppet Theater Presents: Desperation In The Desert

Somebody scheduled a debate tonight in Arizona on CNN (8:00 EST). Will Mitt Romney declare himself "extensively conservatived"? How far will Newt go to make himself relevant? Will he chew off the moderator's leg? Will Ricky be raptured by the man from Mars or will Satan get him first? Come witness the end of the conservative movement!


While we wait for the debate, riddle me this: what's your favorite song from the 1960s?

Also, while we wait, check out today's Politics of Trek article! Romulans! (LINK)

295 comments:

  1. Dear God,

    Please save us.

    Your friend,
    BevfronNYC

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  2. Bev, It's going to take more than God to save us. I think we should cut the deal with Satan.

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  3. TJ and Bev, I'm not normally one for banning free speech, but maybe it's time we admit as a people that we can no longer afford to let candidates debate over and over and over and over.

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  4. Andrew and TJ:
    I admitted THAT after the 1st what seems like 100000000000000000 debates this season. The number of debates must be at least the same as our national debt by now! Make them stop or at least say something like...well anything useful at all.

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  5. "In My Life" The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)

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  6. I will make a pact with the Devil if he will make them shut up, give us a viable candidate, and/or make Santorum go away. Choose one. He is embarrassing me. My soul is for sale right now.

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  7. Embarrassing us is only the start of the problem. He's basically ruining the conservative brand. Ricky is or version of Nancy Pelosi.

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  8. Leave me out of this. You people made your own mess. I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot sulfur cattle prod.


    Also, "Sympathy For the Devil." Just because.

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  9. Rick Santorum isn't ruining the brand, it is the conservatives who are buying into Rick's ideas. And let's face it, there is a strong Puritanical component in this nation. I like to think of them as the "Carrie Nations" of this country.

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  10. Great. Even the Devil won't help us. Now what? Maybe the Hindus have someone who can help us?


    In other news, Obama wants to lower the corporate tax rate to 28%.... the same rate Ricky wants.

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  11. Good point Joel. Santorum would be nothing more than a hateful be-sweatered weirdo if people weren't supporting him.

    Unfortunately, because they are supporting him, they are doing immense damage because they are confirming all the old nasty stereotypes. It's no coincidence that Obama's approval ratings are rising the more Ricky opens his mouth.

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  12. Oh, and Jay Carney said that Obama didn't reject the Keystone XL Pipeline after all. It was the Repubs in Congress who forced him to make a decision before the pipeline was fully vetted by everyone on Earth. (Okay, I added that last part).

    I believe everyone in the WH pressroom went "Huh?"

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  13. Bev, That makes total sense, assuming by "total sense" we really mean "huh?"


    BTW, here's a pretty funny little joke put together at Rick Santorum's expense: enjoy (LINK)

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  14. Someone's already made the joke, I see; and I wouldn't call it my favorite '60s song necessarily, but it just seems appropriate. For multiple reasons.

    LINK

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  15. T-Rav, That's a good one.

    There's a lot of great stuff from the 60s, but I would probably go with "Southern Cross" by Crosby, Stills & Nash.

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  16. Oh boy! Another debate! Woohoo! Fun!!

    oh, and y'all enjoy cuz I'll be in class - and I am just sooooo torn up about that, lemme tell ya...


    Last Kiss, J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers [the Pearl Jam version is anathema and perversion]; Where Have All the Flowers Gone?; Soldier, Soldier, Would You Marry Me? -- songs may parents sang in the car during car trips... (missing dad today)

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  17. rlaWTX, Excellent excuse for skipping the debate! This is going to be painful.

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  18. I'm going to be going to an Ash Wednesday service very soon (because that's how I roll), but should be back right about the time the debate starts. You shall have your sockpuppet entertainment, I assure you.

    In the meantime, here are my pre-debate predictions.

    1. We will hear a lot about contraception and why Santorum hates women and why Santorum thinks Satan has corrupted America.

    2. Newt will stick to his promise not to go negative for about 20 minutes, then switch to his default "scorched-earth" setting.

    3. Romney will cast about for a better adjective than "severely" to describe what kind of conservative he is, like "outrageously" or "fanatically."

    4. Ron Paul will switch places with a gnome halfway through, and no one will notice.

    5. John King will play another riveting round of "This or That?"

    6. I will be Googling "Morphine Overdose."

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  19. I, for one, am curious what kind of a spectacle Newt will make of himself tonight. Plus, I'm already fighting a stomach bug, so nothing can make me any sicker.

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  20. My favorite song from the Sixties: Light My Fire. And somebody better light a fire under these candidates before Obama walks to the finish line without even getting winded.

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  21. Have fun T-Rav! We'll keep a dozen seats open for ya! :)

    I can't disagree with any of your predictions.

    I think the interesting guy to watch tonight will be Newt. He needs to really show tremendous fire if he wants to be made relevant again and he needs to aim it as Santorum. Otherwise, he's done and this becomes a Romney v. Santorum race, with Santorum probably winning the nomination and people like me voting for a Democrat for the first time in my life. :(

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  22. Lawhawk, He's creeping up in the polls because the Republicans have gone off the tracks.

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  23. tryanmax, I recommend two debates followed by T-Rav's morphine overdose. That should create enough pain to mask all other pains.

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  24. BTW, is there a feed for tonight?

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  25. Just found it myself. They certainly hid it though.

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  26. OK

    Riddle me this.....

    Have we ever had a primary season where we have had this many debates. Honestly, I am beginning to think the point of this is so that liberal media can trudge them out and try to start controversy as noted by Stephanoplis ridiculous question to Romney about banning contraception.

    " uh Mitt... Obama is going to force the Catholic Church to pay for abortions soon and we like to know would how would you ban contraception if you had to ....
    Please give us an answer so that when the bishops and cardinals start complaining we can play sound bites and scare 20 somethings back into the voting booth by making them think they will have to be responsible for their sexual excesses...."

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  27. Shiva, the destroyer of worlds.....February 22, 2012 at 7:22 PM

    Hey

    Someone tell these candidates that what they are doing is my job ....

    We Hindu Deities got a union you know......

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  28. Indi, That's a good question and I honestly don't ever recall this many debates. In the past, I recall maybe 3-5 total?

    I think the MSM is doing it for ratings, because this bring more ratings than a regular telecast, and because it helps the cause to have Republicans fighting with each other.

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  29. Indie, I have disagreed all along that this debate process has made better candidates and strengthened the party, and you sum up well why I think as I do. As to the party, it only plays into the meme that the GOP is too divided. As to the candidates, it only hones the strengths they already have, so while the truly conservative candidate becomes more solid in their conservatism, the liars and obfuscators become better at those things.

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  30. tryanmax, That's true. It does give publicity, but it gives the worst kinds of publicity.

    And in terms of sharpening skills, 3-4 debates would be enough along with maybe un-taped state by state speaking engagements.

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  31. LOL! I'm just reading CNN's lead article. It's pathetic how they promote these debates. It's the last debate before ______! Fill in blank with any upcoming event.

    Soon, we should be looking for "The last debate before the season finale of American Idol!"

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  32. What really annoys me about these debates is the game show aspect of them.

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  33. Hey, made it back! With a few minutes to spare, even....

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  34. So here's a question to be pondering for the next three and a half years: After this farce of a primary season, will the GOP learn not to let the MSM run the debates next time? (Probably not.)

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  35. Why am I still working for these guys?

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  36. Hey, wasn't there also a little thing called Fast and Furious that happened here once? What was that all about? Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum....

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  37. God, I'm getting tired of this crap.

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  38. Judging from the applause alone, Romney wins.

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  39. T-Rav, Republicans learn nothing. That's how the party rolls.

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  40. Hmmmm Obama hmmm Obama hmm hmm Obama.

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  41. Clearly picking favorites over those Univ. of AZ jerks.

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  42. Joel, keep in mind it is Arizona. The Mountain West is Romney's stronghold. (And all the blue states.)

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  43. High, I'm Jon King... I hate conservatives.

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  44. Diamondbacks suck. There, I said it.

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  45. Oh, you said keep it short?

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  46. B+ in deportment.
    D- in following directions.

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  47. I'm Newt Gingrich and I want to move to the moon.

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  48. Isn't it illegal to make the American flag into an article of clothing?

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  49. Rick has experience in cutting entitlement spending??????????

    He PASSED a $797 billion entitlement!

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  50. Are you morons on a delay, or did I time travel 45 seconds into the future?

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  51. So Rick is basically making this up as he goes.

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  52. He just smacked the Paul Ryan plan. F-- you Rick!!!!

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  53. You best not be attacking Paul Ryan, bucko.

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  54. Oh, there goes Mitt, negative again. /sarc

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  55. Hello, O Great One? Romney and Santorum are going after each other like dogs. Phase One is working!

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  56. Sounds good, but doesn't the budget start with the House?

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  57. Did anyone just notice what King did?

    He asked Romney about Santorum and then went back to Santorum on the basis that Romney talked about him.

    What kind of crap is that?

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  58. Joel, it actually starts with a budget request from the President

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  59. Senators raise taxes? I learned something new today.

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  60. Andrew, the bull variety, I believe.

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  61. So now King is asking Gingrich to attack Romney?

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  62. Joke's on you! I haven't been in Washington for over five years!....after I, er, got blown out.

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  63. Mitt seems very commanding tonight. I wonder how the talkers will spin that against him...

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  64. Newt is not on his game today. He looks tired and indifferent.

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  65. But, but, oil is evil!

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  66. tryanmax, They'll call him a cultist bully.

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  67. Get the government to stop trying to regulate everything. That is the best jobs policy.

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  68. Why do we have to go to the hobgoblin?

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  69. Matter of fact, I never voted for anything!

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  70. New rule: Every time a congressman says they were a "leader," drink.

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  71. Ron Paul is great for running down Santorum.

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  72. Another blogger noted that Santorum was the Weekly Standard's main Senate contact during the Bush years. So....

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  73. Here comes the severely conservative "issues"...

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  74. T-Rav, That doesn't surprise me because The Weekly Standard article is not consistent with history.

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  75. Joel, Paul is a tarbaby and anybody who fights with him is making a mistake.

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  76. If Massachusetts was a "relatively" liberal state, I live in a right-wing theocracy.

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  77. I don't think they expected him to be prepared for this question. Oops.

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  78. Thought: why doesn't Ricky have ashes on his head?

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  79. While that's all true, the Diocese of Boston did have to abandon its adoption program, if I heard correctly.

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  80. tryanmax, good point. I have ashes on my head, and I'm not even Catholic. I read he had some on earlier today, though.

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  81. Joel, I'm frankly confused by Newt tonight. Maybe he should go negative again because this isn't working.

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  82. And also build a base on the moon!

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  83. "Good earmarks and bad earmarks"? C'mon, man. Even I got that one right.

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  84. It should have been killed.

    Dick Cheney was right you asshole.

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  85. This is why you shouldn't resort to liberal talking points.

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  86. You calling me out, boy? I'll cut you.

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  87. Here's my position on earmarks:

    1. Everybody did it, so it was cool.

    2. But it was abuse and I opposed it, but I support it.

    3. Now I'm glad I was in favor it, but I'm opposed to it because I never liked it except when I did.

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  88. The crowd is really not working for Santorum right now. That answer to earmarks was pretty deadly.

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  89. Rick is on very dangerous ground here.

    Romney should not have brought Newt into this.

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  90. Yeah, I think you were kind of criticizing. Or making a cheap shot. One of the two.

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  91. Who just ordered 15 liters of morphine?!

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  92. I honestly don't understand Paul's answer. I must be slow tonight.

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  93. International Olympic CommitteeFebruary 22, 2012 at 8:33 PM

    Sooooo...this means we get unlimited funding from now on, right?

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  94. Always about the "wars we shouldn't be fighting" isn't it?

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  95. Too many congress people in this debate. Not enough governors.

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  96. Who's to blame for this cluster@&#$, the candidates, the moderators, or the audiences? Discuss.

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  97. "On principle I opposed." Why does that sound like a lie?

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  98. So Rick doesn't believe in class warfare, except when it's bankers versus workers.

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  99. Are you listening, Michigan people? Romney doesn't love you.

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  100. Rick's shaking his head, but that's absolutely true.

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  101. I didn't know John King was also a primary candidate.

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  102. Here's the thing, darn near everyone was taken in by TARP, and lots of people have come to regard it as a mistake.

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  103. I might care about this part of the debate if I thought any of these jokers might actually govern as small-government Republicans.

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  104. Wow, I am on like a 2 minute delay.

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  105. Rick is now shaking his head that he agrees with Romney and Mitt... when he took the exact opposite approach a moment ago. Asshole.

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  106. Wait, did I just hear an accurate answer?

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  107. I think Newt is angling for the Vice-Presidency.

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  108. Smug. That is the word for the way Ricky comports himself. Smug.

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  109. I really want to smack Rick right now. He's nodding his head every time the crowd applaud even though it's always the exact opposite of what he just said.

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  110. Forty-two minutes of hell down, seventy-odd minutes to go.

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  111. Thanks for the pick-me up T-Rav. :(

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  112. Seriously, guys. Let us rest in peace.

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  113. Poll inside my head:

    Romney 12%
    Santorum 10%
    Newt 6%
    Paul 4%
    Zombie Apocalypse 68%

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  114. Thank God, SOMEBODY brought it up!

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  115. Oh, God, we gave them a question they can all unite on! Barack is going to be so mad at us!!!

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  116. The really good thing about these debates is questioning the questioners.

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  117. We're suing because we didn't get on the ballot.

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  118. There's nothing wrong talking about these issues in and of themselves. They are very serious and need attention. Just don't make that your answer to every question.

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  119. There is no bigger problem at stake in American than the economic collapse.

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  120. Have to call a spade a spade, but "dangers" of contraception is only in sarc quotes to make Ricky seem more crazy.

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  121. Bullshit Rick, you absolutely want the government to fix it. In fact, your plan has a HUGE line item "to promote families" in the HHS budget.

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  122. Interested in a joint suit, Robots?

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  123. tryanmax, The reason he mentioned "dangers of contraception" is because that's Santorum's own quote.

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  124. No suit needed, guys. We've got this covered.

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  125. CNN's not even pretending to be objective anymore.

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  126. Andrew, I get that, I was just referring to the graphics putting only the word "dangers" in quotes.

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  127. The Reverend Al SharptonFebruary 22, 2012 at 8:54 PM

    Why does it have to be a "black" hole? What are you trying to say there?

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  128. tryanmax, That's because they don't want people thinking they came up with that word, which is frankly stupid in that context.

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  129. Did you see the look Mitt shot Newt? Ouch.

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  130. Tam, That's because he just repeated something he knows is not true.

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  131. Paul slams Ricky on Ricky's hypocrisy again....

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  132. Pleased to meet you
    Hope you guess my name

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  133. The Reverend Al SharptonFebruary 22, 2012 at 8:57 PM

    Yes tyrnamax, and we much....about that.

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  134. Rick's logic:

    1. Abortion is murder.

    2. I voted to support abortion because I wanted other things.

    3. To make up for it, I spent other money.

    4. Hence, I did not support murder.

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  135. The Federal Reserve might be involved in it!

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  136. Santorum: I'm so principled, I'll vote for things I don't like just to get what I do like.

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  137. I don't think you made anything clear, Rick. Shoot me.

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  138. More Rick logic:

    1. I opposed it.

    2. But I voted for it because I never supported it and I would have voted against it.

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  139. Is it just me, or is Ricky the WonderBoy stumbling tonight? (pleaseohplease)

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  140. Mitt to Ricky - you might want to pull up your pants.

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  141. Sure am glad these guys forgot all about us.

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  142. And if I say that a chicken is the model for a 747, does that make it true?

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  143. Tell us about it!

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  144. tryanmax, a chicken is the model for a 747. Weren't you aware?

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  145. Tam, Rick is absolutely being exposed as a hypocrite and a liar... if his fans are listening.

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  146. My favorite is 70 pages vs. 2000 pages. Makes the case that RomneyCare = ObamaCare a little difficult.

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  147. Where the @%$& is that morphine? I thought the pharmacy delivered.

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  148. What kind of fantasy world is Rick in?

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  149. Wait, are we defending Arlen Specter over a Tea Partier now? Huh? What?

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  150. Ricky sounds a hell of a lot like a democrat right now.

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  151. When I get in trouble, I totally double-down.

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  152. Tam, He's a little further left than the Democrats.

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  153. Fast and Furious
    Fast and Furious
    Fast and Furious
    Fast and Furious
    Fast and Furious

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  154. This should be an easy question. Let's watch them screw it up.

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  155. T-Rav, Supporting Specter is inexcusable and Ricky's defense was crap. But King cut Romney off right as Romney was about to ask why Ricky supported Spectre for President.

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  156. I didn't know so many conservatives were fans of my movies!

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  157. "None of the illegal aliens cared about wetlands policy" -- very nice.

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  158. I plan to build a cannon to send illegals home very quickly.

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  159. Barack Hussein ObamaFebruary 22, 2012 at 9:11 PM

    Pffft. E-Verify is for racists.

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  160. Rick has always opposed eVerify... until the last debate.

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  161. You know what? Screw what I said earlier about not enough experience, get Rubio to make a late entry.

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  162. Just imagine, it's a choice between one of them and Obama. Oh God--(runs to bathroom)

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  163. Define yourself using one word?

    Newt: God
    Santorum: Jesus
    Romney: Severe
    Paul: Fed-killer

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  164. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy these bland, boring commercials as we phone in to the White House for our additional talking points.

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  165. T-Rav, I can't tell if the nausea I'm feeling is from the candidates or from the stomach bug I've been fighting. Small favors, I suppose.

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  166. All Commentaramans, define yourselves in one word.

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  167. Andrew, does that make Santorum Newt's son? That....explains a lot, actually.

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  168. Bitter-clinger (I hyphenated it so it's one word)

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