Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Deranged Fun! ;-)

Sometimes I wonder what it was like to have Bush Derangement Syndrome: angry liberals foaming at the mouth, spewing hate every time they heard Bush’s name, blaming every one of their own failures on Dick Cheney, who apparently hid under a lot of beds in the past ten years. Ah, blame, is there no personal failure you cannot soothe?! Let’s try on a little Obama Derangement Syndrome for fun today, just to see how it feels. How do we do that you ask? Let’s start with this innocuous story. . .

On Monday, the crazed baboons that make up the Iranian government accused the United States and Britain of directly backing a suicide bomber who killed six of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards. Oh, stop snickering. You and I know Obama’s a pansy, but the Iranians don’t, so don’t spoil it for them. Besides, this is the type of story liberals used to run with. So put on your running shoes and keep up!

The Iranian “media” said (via note strapped to a goat that reached an AP reporter) that the Sunni Muslim insurgent group Jundollah (not to be confused with Bobby Jindahl) claimed responsibility for a suicide bomber who set off a bomb in the Sistan-Baluchestan province, killing 42 people including six senior commanders of the IRG. Said guard commander-in-chief Mohammad Ali “the Bumblebee” Jafari, Iran has been presented with documents proving “direct ties” between Jundollah and the United States and Britain, possibly including the IRG’s finding a McDonalds Royale With Cheese wrapper in the debris.

Fair enough. No big deal right? WRONG! Clearly, Obama is waging an illegal war against Iran! How do we know? Because Bumblebee said so dammit! What motive could he possibly have to lie? None! Nothing! Nada! Zip! The Iranians are blameless holy creatures who have suffered too long under the oppressive policies of Obama and his secret corporate friends.

What? Why are you shaking your head. Oh, you don’t think Obama has a motive? I’ll tell you his motive. He hates Arabs. Yep, and children. Granted, no children were killed, but we know he hates children and he clearly was hoping children would die in this explosion. *sniff* I feel so used as an American citizen that my government. . . no, not my government, THE illegal Obama government would try to kill Arab children in Iran.

What do you mean Iranians aren’t Arabs? Whose side are you on? You must work for the Obama administration! Hater. Let’s look it up on the internet, I’m sure there’s some trustworthy blog that will confirm my opinions, and if not I’ll make one. . . fine, I’ll look it up.

WhatareIranians.com says. . . Persians. Oh, but they’re part of the system. What does wikipedia say. . . nutjobs. Outrageous! Oh wait, there it is. . .

As I said, Obama hates Persians. . . and children. . . and children of Persians. . . and polar bear genitalia, but that’s a different issue. Clearly he wants to destabilize (more) Iran so that his sneaky friends can impose a world government on Iran and take away the rights they enjoy right now, which are SOOOOOO much more rights than anything we have in this country. They have freedom of speech and freedom from hurtful speech, freedom from most religions, freedom to save the environment and freedom to be free, freedoms we just don’t have here under hateful Democratic administrations!

Where is Hugo Chavez in this? Your Persian brothers are dying Hugo! Where is Frank Murtha to accuse American soldiers of war crimes? Where is Nancy Pelosi to call for hearings? Where is Code Pink to disrupt bake sales? Where is Jimmy Carter to assure us that he knows our government really did this?

You know what? I can’t do this anymore. Sure, I can fake it. But I don’t feel it. We all know that Obama’s no warrior. He’s an indecisive idiot. He probably doesn’t even know where Iran is. There’s no way he has an Iran policy. . . probably just wants to “talk” to them. Yeah, let me know how that works out for ya bud.

I guess you really have to be nuts to suffer from a derangement syndrome.

26 comments:

  1. You know, Andrew, I laugh as I strap on my Nikes to run with ya, but it's so true, too. If Bush were still prez, this is exactly how it would've played out. Instead? Did anyone even mention it? Naaaah!

    Oh, and I think "nutjobs" is more an UrbanDictionary word than Wikipedia. ;)

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  2. Deranged fun? I am so there. Obama Derangement Syndrome is so much more satisfying, especially after three cups of coffee on an empty stomach. But I couldn't stop laughing once I got to "polar bear genitalia." Who'd have known?

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  3. I'd like to see celebrities with right of center leanings the likes of Charlie Daniels, Lee Greenwood, Lynyrd Skynyrd or Ted Nugent tour overseas and apologize for Obama being president (Gtmo still open, US still in Iraq, world economy still in recession, etc.) ala Dixie Chicks and GWB. What hoot that would be.

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  4. ObamaObamaObamaObamaObamaObamaObama
    I am trying immersion therapy to cure myself of ODS. If I just keep saying ObamaObamaObama over and over again, I eventually can stop flinching everytime I remember he is our President. There has been some progress - I've moved from opening weeping to sniffling to just flinching...I must admit I had a setback with the whole Nobel Peace Prize thing, but I am recovering and am almost back to just flinching again...ObamaObamaObamaObama...

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  5. Bwahaha! This was fun. I needed a laugh today and you provided it. Thanks, Andrew. :-)

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  6. CrispyRice, Maybe it was the UbranDictionary, you know how hard it is to tell websites apart. . . since they only have numbers after all! (Thanks Joe Biden!)

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  7. Writer X, Oh yeah, polar bear genitalia is a big thing, well not as much anymore, but it's still important to leftees. That's almost all Algore talks about!

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  8. USArtguy, That would be hilarious! Then you'd hear the chorus of cries from the left: "traitors!" That would be worth the price of admission.

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  9. Bev, Flinching is progress! :-) Seriously, you're just treating the symptoms. You need to attack the underlying condition. . . have an election, throw him out!

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  10. Melisa, Thanks! :-) It's always good to hear I made someone happy, even if it required a little faux-insanity!

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  11. Andrew, you are right! An election. That's what I need, but I will have to wait for 1477 day, 12 hours and 8 minutes and 24 seconds (and counting);-)

    http://www.obama-clock.org/

    Off topic, but has anyone noticed that all of the suspected terrorists that have been arrested lately including today, are all Muslim/Islamic and of Middle Eastern descent? How did that happen? Isn't that profiling?

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  12. Bev, Not that anyone's counting, right Bev?! LOL!

    To tell you the truth, I had noticed that all of these innocent suspects were innocent, peaceful Muslims. I'd been expecting more Swedes to be arrested. ;-)

    Seriously, it's interesting that it's "racial profiling" when Republicans arrest people, but not when Democrats arrest the same people!

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  13. I have to admit, I take secret delight every time I type "Obama" in a web browser or Word-type application and it always thinks the word is misspelled or typed in error. I'm just a victim of ODS. Heh.

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  14. USArtguy, I get that same feeling!!! How funny is that!

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  15. The sight of the grinning geek, or the mere mention of the name "Obama" causes me to froth at the mouth and my eyes to do a 360 degree roll. Then I speak in tongues for several minutes (at least I think it's in tongues--most of the words have only four letters). Do I have the syndrome?

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  16. obama-clock... countdown to re-election?

    Yikes! Take the hyphen out of that link!

    http://www.obamaclock.org/

    ah... that's better.

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  17. USArtGuy - My humblest apologies. You are right. The link I posted was for His Majesty's re-election. EEEKK! I will pay for any additional therapy my link may caused anyone up to and limited only to one invisible Commentarama t-shirt (if that is okay with LawHawk and Andrew).

    LawHawk - you might try immersion therapy. It's beginning to work and I hope one day really soon to reduce my pronounced flinching to a small eye tick...

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  18. Bev, We're always happy to give out invisible t-shirts! LOL!

    So somebody is already tracking the date he gets re-elected? Why? Shouldn't they be happy about what he's doing now rather than looking to the future?

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  19. Lawhawk, I'd say you're fine . . . that's a normal reaction. ;-)

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  20. It’s easy guys just sing our new national anthem. Barak Hussein Obama mmm…mmm…mmm… Whenever I see anyone now, and they ask, “How’s it going Stan?” I reply with a hearty thumbs up and a, “mmm…mmm…mmm…” ODS can be liberating. Come to think of it, I did have someone throw their drink at me, hmmm…

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  21. Actually, since you asked, I think it is actually kind of fun, and maybe not all that deranged. I am actually surprised certain parts of the media didn't concoct a similar stoyline, but try and pin on Bush saying that Obama "inherited" the situation from you know who.

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  22. Jed, Now that you mention it, I probably shouldn't have given Team Obama any ideas. Ooops.

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  23. Fun! I love your humor pieces. Keep up the good work.

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  24. Thanks Mega, I enjoy writing them. Thanks for commenting, bloggers crave feed back!

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