Tattoos: "I Am Such A Rebel!"

In principle, I have nothing against tattoos. Tattooing is an ancient art that goes back long before recorded history and has crossed all cultures. Some of it is even pretty darn cool. I’m thinking, for example, about Japanese body art. But most isn’t cool. Here’s my problem with tattoos.

Leaving aside the issue that tattoos are the surest symbol of criminality (as an attorney, I can tell you that I’ve never once seen a criminal who didn’t have a tattoo), what really bugs me about tattoos is the unoriginality of it.

Most people claim to get tattoos for one of two reasons: either they have something so personally important they want to commemorate it forever on their bodies, or they do it to show their individuality. Uh huh. So which group does the tribal arm band fit into? How about the sports team logo? The band logo? The rose on the ankle? The what-ever-you-call it across the back?

Every time I see some idiot with one or more of these generic tattoos, I don’t see someone with a sense of adventure or originality or individuality, rather I see a pathetic sheep who couldn’t stop themselves from following the crowd. Is the herd instinct really that strong?

This all reminds me of going to a Cure concert and seeing 25,000 teens all dressed identically in uniform black moaning how “individual” they are and how "nobody gets them.” Paaaaathetic. We get you, you're just not that interesting.

If you want individuality, find some way to distinguish yourself. Write a book, write some music. Get good at math or science and go invent something. Become a star athlete. Develop a hobby that no one else has ever done. Achieve something. . . develop a real personality, not one given to you by sitcoms. But don’t go get a fricken tattoo, that's not individuality. And if you can't stop yourself from getting a tattoo, for the love of God, please get something original.