He Wore A Red Tie: A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

By Writer X

Someone woke up Joe Biden with a cattle prod, Nancy Pelosi’s dress was red enough to burn a human retina, and Michelle didn’t go sleeveless. And, oh yeah, the President’s tie was red with thin gold stripes.

In between it all, the President of the United States gave another speech about health care. Unfortunately, it was long on passion and short on details. The teleprompter did not malfunction. Been there, done that.

Even worse than the lack of details in tonight’s speech, I hated the glad handing most of all. You know what I mean. That part right before the President’s speech where everyone’s shaking hands and kissing each other like they’re getting ready to film a geriatric Spring Break video. Gross. Couldn’t we just cut to the chase? I’d rather watch a television test pattern. It didn’t help that we had to see Sheila Jackson Lee and her hot pink shawl.

And if the President said it once during his health care speech, he said it three times: “If you like your health insurance and your doctor, you won’t have to give it up.” Sounds good. Unfortunately I don’t believe him for one millisecond and repeating it ad nauseam doesn’t make it any better. Maybe it was because the camera kept scanning over Charlie Rangel, the biggest crook in Congress. Or maybe it was because after Rangel, the camera kept scanning over Hillary Clinton. Did someone just goose her? Her maniacal smile is always so disconcerting.

Naturally, the President had to make at least one reference as to how he saved the country from financial ruin with the January Stimulus Package. Unfortunately, Mr. President, most people aren’t feeling that great about the economy and the unemployment rate keeps climbing. At least that was one moment during the speech when John Kerry looked like he had a pulse. Meanwhile, Biden always looked ready to take a nap while Pelosi looked like she needed to clean her teeth.

Regarding the health care speech, during the entire 48-minute speech, I didn’t hear one thing that I hadn’t heard before. In fact, I heard more of a conviction to have a public option than ever before. That bothered me, especially with few or any details about how to pay for a plan that would cover everybody and would entail massive government takeover.

The President talked at great length about lowering costs and greater competition and yet not once did he talk about reducing regulations so that people could buy health care insurance much like they buy car or home insurance: from anyone, from anywhere, and purchase whatever coverages they desired. That, unfortunately, is still a pipe dream.

The President said that taxpayers wouldn’t subsidize the public option. To that, I say, hooey. The taxpayers subsidize everything. Why would health care be any different?

The President also talked about the desire to work together with Democrats and Republicans to discuss alternative options. He said his “door is always open.” To that I say, bring it on! What’s stopping you?

The President did not talk substantively for one second about how this wonderful health care coverage would be funded. He did say, however, that not one dime of Medicaid or Medicare would be used to fund health care. To that I say, how? Both programs are in the red.

Finally, the President (predictably) brought up Ted Kennedy and his moral clarity and “large heartedness.” It was hard not to vomit. That was, in my opinion, the lowest point of the speech, even though Joe Biden wiped away a tear and Nancy Pelosi’s lip visibly trembled.

All in all, it was a pretty speech with few details. Not a huge surprise. At least my martinis were tasty.