Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Weekly Bidenism

After last week's stunning claim that Bush’s surge in Iraq would be Obama’s greatest policy achievement, Joe felt ready for the big leagues. So he took on Dick Cheney, the boogey man. He lost. But in his defense, he was sabotaged by. . . himself. Get ready for. . . The Weekly Bidenism.

You may or may not have heard that Dick Cheney accused the Obama administration of not taking terrorism seriously. Cheney had some reasons, though no one apparently told Joe what they were, because Joe’s defense was summed by Joe as such:

“I just think he’s wrong. He thinks I’m wrong. I think he’s wrong.”
Now that is one compelling argument. It’s logical, it’s laid out so anyone can see that Joe is right, and oh! the command of facts! I must admit, I’m almost convinced. If only Joe could give me one more reason to think that Cheney might be wrong. . . perhaps impugning Cheney’s motives? Let’s ask Joe:
“I’ve never questioned another man’s motive.”
Oh come Joe, pretty please?
“I mean, it’s almost like he forgot he left us a $1.3 trillion debt. There were two wars going on, one that was ignored, one was -- wasn’t going all that well.”
Thanks Joe, I knew you could come up with a reason that Cheney must be lying, he must be trying to cover up that horrible Bush record. . . wait a minute. What’s this about a $1.3 trillion debt? The debt under Bush was $9.9 trillion, the deficit was $200 billion. I wonder what Joe could be talking about? Maybe Joe was just angry when he said this -- Joe has admitted that, kind of like the Green Hulk, he exaggerates when he gets angry.

Oh wait, I know! He’s talking about the $1.3 trillion deficit (not debt) that Obama racked up last year (or maybe he means the $1.6 trillion deficit he’s planning for this year -- you never know with Joe)! So if a $1.3 trillion deficit discredits a man, then Joe has just discredited Obama. Nice Joe, truth suits you. . . you should try it more often.

And what’s this about one war being ignored and the other not going so well? Didn’t you tell us last week that Obama’s biggest achievement was Bush’s 2007 surge? How could Iraq not be going well? As for ignoring Afghanistan, I seem to recall one simple Senator from Delaware swearing that a surge wouldn’t work in Afghanistan. . . of course, that was before Obama implemented an Afghan surge.

But it wasn’t just Biden’s blasting of Obama/Cheney that caught my attention last week, no, no, no, no. What I found truly interesting was Joe’s attempt to assure us that Obama has made the country safe from terrorism. Let’s listen to Joe, as he soothes our fears:
“We have made more progress in dismantling the hierarchy of Al-Qaeda central [nah nah nah, we killed more bad guys than you did]. . . and evidence of that is, now they’re going to lone bombers as the means to get there [you mean like the suicide bombers they’ve used in every attack other than 9/11?]. … I'm more worried about, and harder to detect, and I'm very concerned about a terrorist attack in the United States along the lines of the 'Christmas Day bomber.' You get a disgruntled student, someone who has some relationship with the United States who is -- able to be recruited quickly, able to be indoctrinated quickly. And they say, basically, 'Here's a bomb. Go do it,' as opposed to the kind of planning that's needed to pull off -- a very complicated 9/11. Am I less worried about an attack? No, I'm worried. Am I less worried about a catastrophic event? Yes.”
Because planes blowing up is not a “catastrophic event” unless there are several at once? And did Joe just say that by succeeding against Al Qaeda, Team Obama has made them more dangerous? And is it really smart for Joe to assure us that this administration is on top of the terror issue by telling us how worried he is about this “new” (read: ancient) threat of single bombers? Maybe we should avoid planes and other public transport, just as he suggested during the swine flu faux-crisis:
"I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now… When one person sneezes it goes all the way through the aircraft. That's me. I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, (be) suggesting they ride the subway."
Ah Joe, you make scaremongering an art form, even when you aren’t trying.


Unknown said...

Andrew: I disagree with just about everything you said. Gotcha! Actually, I totally agree, and continue to be amazed at how when Biden isn't being devious or an outright liar, he just gets all the facts wrong. Then he argues his points like a sixth-grader instead of the law school grad he is so proud of being (OK, I had to get in at least one swipe, didn't I?).

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, LOL! Let's not start that again! Seriously, I'm amazed at the garbage that Biden spits out. The man truly is a national joke. If he was on our side, I would bury his head in the sand.

Unknown said...

Andy: He isn't on our side, but I'd still like to bury his head in the sand (along with the rest of him).

AndrewPrice said...

As Belloq said in Raiders of the Lost Ark: "If I bury Biden in the sand for 1000 years, who knows, maybe even Biden will become valuable!"

Unknown said...

Andrew: That is so true, but with Biden, I even doubt that. They might study why his hair is located in places and arrays not seen in ordinary mummies. Or perhaps how such a large head could contain such a small brain cavity.

AndrewPrice said...

I'm thinking they might use him as a spitoon if they hollowed him out. Beyond that, I'm not sure what value he would have.

MegaTroll said...

You guys are funny. I love these posts. Biden is such an idiot. I'm really surprised they haven't locked him in a bunker somewhere.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Mega, I'm glad you enjoy them. I enjoy writing them. And I get the feeling Biden likes the publicity. ;-)

Writer X said...

I love the interviews when he starts to talk to himself or starts to talk in the third-person. Last week he made Forrest Gump sound like Einstein. "That's just me." Classic! Never a dull moment, our Joey B!

StanH said...

When I heard Biden taking credit for the success in Iraq, I just pointed and laughed. This guy should have a sidekick with a snare drum follow him around, for a rim shot when he makes a funny…which is when his mouth moves.

Cheney’s counterpoint was perfect, with his normal reserved chuckle, proceeded to slice and dice Barry and Biden with complete command of the facts, a brilliant man…where did he go to college?

Note: He flunked out of Yale, finished at the University of Wyoming MoA in political science, went on to attempt to get his doctoral at the University of Wisconsin, he didn’t finish…what a dummy! LOL!

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X, I agree. His interviews are almost an artform. :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, Biden totally needs a soundtrack for his interviews! And maybe a laughtrack too!

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