Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Let's Make A Movie

It’s time to pick your brains about the next great conservative American film. Today’s idea comes from something Joel said the other day. Here’s the set up. It’s November 2, 2010. Nancy Pelosi hops in her luxury taxpayer-funded plane to fly home so she can enjoy the surprise victory she’s expecting. The plane is forced down by mechanical problems in Nowhere, Kansas.

While they fix the plane, Pelosi visits the airport bar. After downing a few Bloody Marys, Pelosi returns to where the plane had been. . . but it’s gone. Taped to the glass overlooking the empty runway is a note from the pilots: “You lost the election and the American public called. They want their plane back now. They also cut off your credit cards.”

Pelosi calls a local booster for help, but they won’t take her call. . . nobody loves a loser. So San Fran Nan sets out on foot to make her way back to Sodom by the Bay; her only possession, an over-sized Speaker’s gavel.

Here’s where you come in. What happens next? Is she hunted by an evil cult? Does she fight a bear? Is she dusting crops where there ain't no crops? Does she turn to crime to pay for meals? Begging? Selling her body? Selling someone else’s body? And what happens when her Botox finally fails. . . would it be like the ending of Raiders of the Lost Ark? Or does she find romance? Does she live at peace among the animals of the plains? Does she learn a little something about America?

You tell us! Give us your idea for how this epic should end and give us your best plot points. And even more importantly, tell us what lessons Nan should learn on her journey!

44 comments:

Ed said...

Oh my God! That's a horrific picture! LoL! It looks so real too! Why am I humming "everybody's talking at me...."

AndrewPrice said...

Ed, Probably because you've been watching Midnight Cowboy.

Any movie ideas for The Pelosi Story? Maybe something out of Planes, Trains and Automobiles?

LawHawkRFD said...

Andrew: Thanks a heap. I'll never get that image out of my mind. At first I though I was looking at Cloris Leachman in a bad episode of Phyllis. I think it would be easy just to adapt Battlestar Galactica (the new version) to a movie script. Obviously Pelosi is a Cylon. She couldn't possibly be human.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, Now that would be a twist -- turn The Pelosi Story into a science fiction bonanza! Talk about unlimited possibilities!

Sorry about the picture -- just be glad I censored it!

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

Something similar to Planes, Trains and Automobiles as well as the Hangover.

The crew, as stated before, leave her but it is a practical joke. She doesn't take it that way and quickly gets out of town. The guys realize their problem and have to follow her all the way back to SF all the while keeping up appearances that she still is on the plane.

She on the other hand has to make her way by depending on the kindnesses of Tea Partiers groups going back home. She is too scared of them to really let them know who she is. Her disguise is pierced early but the various groups don't tell her that.

She learns how to slop hogs, wait tables, gets put on a chain gang because she accidently breaks a store window and can't pay for it. Spends half a day while her new friends get her out of it.

In the mean time, the crew flies to each city that she is headed for, gets there late, but finds each group and asks what about her. They tell them and we get each little story.

This practically writes itself.

What she learns, nothing.. We learn about United States. She still is the same after all that but actually loses the jet after the trip and the crew doesn't get into any trouble.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, That's great!

I know I've presented this as kind of tongue in cheek, but I seriously think this has the potential to make a great "conservative film" along the lines of An American Carol.

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

We can put her in jail because she decides to try the oldest profession and quickly gets arrested. In there, a older hooker explains the facts of life to her. She doesn't get it, and is sprung the next day.

In the mean time, the press gets word that Nan is traveling the country because the plane keeps on landing in small towns. The press has to keep it on the down low because they found out she was in jail for prostitution and they are too afraid it will get out, but they follow the plane around.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, I love the idea of the pilots following her around and the press getting a hint of something being wrong, but I wouldn't add the press trying to keep it quiet -- it would be more fun to have a race to find Pelosi, with everyone chasing her around. This has all the makings of a political thriller combined with something like It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. It could be really funny!

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

Yes. Mostly I am thinking of all the little vingnettes being played out.

We could put her in with the lettuce pickers coming up from Mexico. Having a few of them shot at by the Drug dealers.

We could also have a guy following her by computer and giving info to the crew where she has been. Kinda like that radio guy from Vanishing Point.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, The vignettes are where this would either work or not. I think the key would be in finding things that coastal liberals look down upon and showing that the stereotype isn't real.

So I could see her running into hunters, WalMart, NASCAR, churches in middle America and just generally people she has called Nazis and that she assumes are racist gun/Bible clingers and showing that this isn't true.

You might even want to shoot this as a documentary.

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

Each vignette could be started by the Press as the way they view flyover country and then have the actual truth be told documentary style.

BevfromNYC said...

I was thinking of something along the lines of "Children of the Corn" (short and sweet and to the point!)

OR a really uplifting tale of loss and redemption. When she can't get her own people to help her, she ends up in a local diner without money, hungry, dirty, tired, and in tears (but smiling because of the Botox). She angrily lashes out at everyone in sight because they are "the little people" and she thinks they don't know who she is. BUT, even though they recognize her, the local folks take pity on her because they are all just plain Conservative, church going Tea Party people. They help her get clean clothes and feed her. They help her even though she's a mean and demeaning to them. And along the way, she realizes they know exactly who she is and they helped her anyway and how wrong she had been all these years. So she renounces Obamacare and Socialism (and Botox).

The End

BevfromNYC said...

Oops, I just read Joel's and ours are about the same story...

Joel Farnham said...

Bev,

Yours involves redemption of Nancy Pelosi. Mine does not.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Of all the ideas we've had (or are likely to have), the Children of the Corn idea is probably the one that would make the most money! LOL!

Your second idea is more of what I had in mind, though I like the cross country idea that Joel is running with. I think a combination of both would work really well. What I really like about what you've added is the redemption ending. Americans love redemption. And the idea of Pelosi being redeemed by conservative values would be a great way to end the film. Not only would it be uplifting to the public, but it would KILL her to see that on screen! :-)

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

During this all, we have Obama back at the White House, wondering where his speaker of the house is and acting like a jerk trying get something going during his lame duck session. He needs Pelosi to do it, but she can't be found.

AndrewPrice said...

By the way, could you see Pelosi walking into what used to be rich California farm land and is now desert, and she asks "why don't they irrigate?" When they tell her it's to save that stupid fish that nothing eats, she can complain: "how can anyone be so stupid?"

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, And the whole time he's holding a golf club and accepting collect calls from his wife from various 5 star resorts!

This could be really fun to write!

Tennessee Jed said...

I think she finally bums a dollar to call her hubby and get the Starkist Tuna jet to come and get her. Then, she is attacked by hooligans who got out of jail because some liberal judge overturned their conviction. Just when they are about to commit unspeakable acts of depravity, she is saved by a compassionate conservative, George W. on his way to somewhere.

He brings her back to Texas where he and Laura teach her proper etiquette and speech (the bidness of America is bidness.) She has a change of heart, works tirelessly to help conservative tea party candidates and eventually becomes one of the most beloved and repected head of the R.N.C. in memory.

Just a thought.

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

This all depends on how the movie starts.

I picture a sweaty guy in white shirtsleeves. Something says cop about him. A little overweight and looking extremely tired.

His partner asks him, "Do we have it all?"

He answers, "Yeah, but no one will believe it."

Partner, "Well, lets go over it one more time. Remember we have to brief the President this afternoon. He has a golf afterwards."

He starts, "As best as I can tell, this started as a practical joke....."

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, I'm speechless! LOL!

I especially love the idea of Pelosi learning to speak Texan! Could you imagine?!

The problem is that while that would be a fun film to watch, I'm betting that leftists will burn down the theaters! :-(

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, That would also let you present different interpretations of different scenes. "Here's what Pelosi told us... but here's how the locals reported it."

How's this for a title: "13 Days In November"!

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

Sounds great. I have to pick up my wife, won't be back for a couple of hours.

AndrewPrice said...

Ok, keep thinking Joel! Hopefully, we'll have more ideas posted before you come back!

T_Rav said...

Tell you what, we almost had the ending to Raiders of the Lost Ark right here in my apartment after I saw that picture. Thanks for that.

I say Pelosi tries to meet up with Harry Reid in Nevada, but accidentally falls into the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste site and becomes a super-villain, forcing Sarah Palin to raise an army of grizzly bears and lead them against her. It ends with a fight to the death, Palin and her hunting rifle facing off against Pelosi and her deadly darts of botulism. Call it "Mama Grisly."

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, LOL! Sorry about the picture, but it is almost Halloween and politics is often about horror!

As for your film idea, good idea! Yet another genre! I assume Pelosi would have superpowers of some sort? Or are you envisioning some sort of evil, masked creature? Or... better yet, a green, glowing 50 foot tall Pelosi that leaves a glowing trail of slime behind her? :-)

This could be a really fun film -- and it would make a fortune on video!

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew,

I figured out a way for Pelosi to be arrested and actually meet up with Tea Partiers.

This is after she has been drinking at the local Airport Bar. She arrived about 20 mins after 9:00. It shuts down at 10:00 PM. She wanders back to the plane. The repair takes about two hours instead of half hour. She finds the note and goes a little berserk. Gets arrested by TSA. Unfortunately for her, they don't recognize her. She has no ID, no cards, no cell. They turn her over to the local constabulary and they are unimpressed and throw her in with the other drunk partiers. Tea Partiers celebrating Nov 2.

She has to wait until the next day to get out. She gets out with the Tea Partiers because she has no ID, and one of them takes pity on her and vouches that she actually partied with them the night before. She accepts thinking she can get back some how, but....

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, Don't tinker with success! The pilots leaving her is a great way to start the story!

If you want her to end up in jail, have her steal food at McDonalds or get into a fight when she tries to take money out of the bank without having an account or trying to use some Congressional perk as if they were valid in real life.

T_Rav said...

Hmmm...I'm envisioning a radioactive harpy that can spit deadly balls of concentrated botulism. But with mind-control powers, so when you get hit by one of these lethal loogies, you become infected and turn into one of her minions--a "Nan-o-bot," if you will--until she gets hungry and decides to snack on the nearest one.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, I like the radioactive harpy idea! That would make a heck of a comic book movie!

Any idea what you'd call her? The Pelosinator... the Beast from Yucca Mountain... the Radioactive Commie... ????

BevfromNYC said...

Don't you think "Nancy Pelosi" would be scary enough? Nancy and her Nan-O-Bots! EEEEEKKKK!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, You're right, that would be plenty scary. I just figured all comic book creatures have "cool" names.

T_Rav said...

How about..."Creature from the Botox Lagoon"! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Though I have to agree with Bev, just plain "Nancy Pelosi" is almost scary enough by now.

JB1000 said...

I like the idea of her meeting and being helped by fly-over land conservatives but you need a bigger ending.

When she turns up missing, they activate the robot double version. At the end of the movie, you have the real but transformed Pelosi against the robot double in a fight to the death in San Fransico. I'd love to see various parts of the city blown up on the big screen.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, Creature From the Botox Lagoon! Awesome! :-)

AndrewPrice said...

JB1000, Nice ending! It would be like Transformers only with two Pelosis!

That could be a fun ending! And it might work best on T-Rav's idea!

Someone should call Hollywood! ;-)

Ed said...

I'd watch each of these films!

CrispyRice said...

LOL!! I love these.

I'm thinking that she ends up heading into the mountains of Colorado, after being properly lauded and feted in Boulder, crosses into Utah... and is never heard from again.

Ahhhh, a happy ending!

Or something along the line of Jeepers Creepers would be quite satisfying too.

AndrewPrice said...

Ed, I think a lot of people would. I honestly think each of these could be turned into an interest or fun film.

AndrewPrice said...

Crispy, It almost sounds like you're suggesting a Deliverance style ending in Utah? That could be interesting!

Jeepers Creepers -- good movie. I could see that happening in Harry Reid's district! ;-)

CrispyRice said...

Legislate faster, I hear banjo music!!

AndrewPrice said...

LOL! Brilliant!

DUQ said...

Any film about Pelosi needs to be a slasher film.

AndrewPrice said...

DUQ, I'm sure a lot of people feel that way! ;-)

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