Sunday, June 7, 2009

I Am Outta Here Suckers. . .

It is with great pleasure that I announce today my retirement from everything. You heard me right, I’m done. Unlike the rest of you proles, I am now rich. . . monocle rich.

Yessiree, this very morning I received an e-mail informing me that I have won the English Lottery!! Heh heh heh. That’s right, £1.5 million . . . all mine.

So as I wait for the cash to start rolling in, let me say that it’s been fun, but as you saps roll out of bed on Monday for another long day at work, I plan to be sitting on my couch. . . living the high life.


Please disregard the above post dear reader. Apparently, I have not won the English Lottery.

Who knew there was no such thing as a free lunch? *sighs*

You know, in hindsight, I should have guessed something was wrong because I never entered the English Lottery. I guess I just hoped they’d made a mistake. And the more I think about it, it doesn’t make a lot of sense that they would notify me of something like this by anonymous e-mail.

And while we’re at it, I probably shouldn’t have sent my social security number and bank account numbers to someone I didn’t know -- I would never do this if someone showed up on my door -- but this is different, right? This is the internet, and the old rules of common sense just don’t apply on the internet, right?

This isn’t fair. Nobody warned me that this could be a scam. I knew the Spanish Lottery e-mails were a scam, but this was the English Lottery.

Somebody should do a public service announcement to warn people about these things.

Oh well, live and learn. Fortunately, I have other things going on . . . I’m quite close to the Minister of Development in Nigeria, and he’s got a deal for me that sounds too good to be true. I’m very excited.


LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: It is indeed a sad comment on the state of the internet community. These scams have gone on for years, but it used to require the time and expense of sending actual mail to people who would then be likely to discuss it with their friends and family. Now millions of the scam letters can be sent at once, to total strangers, many of whom have no contact with reasoning human beings outside of what they see on a computer screen. Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute, but he had no idea that a medium would be created which allowed such quick and easy access to all of them at once.

Writer X said...

In addition to the Nigerian and lottery scams, there's another one that's quite hysterical. I get one almost every day from someone claiming to be from my Internet company. It goes something like this (pardon the misspelled words; they're not mine):

"Pleaese. If you must. Urgent. Youre email account in danger of being cancel. Please if you must. Send us your password and birthday and social security number right away or we cancel youre account to make more room. For other emaials."

What's sad is that someone always falls for it.

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X,

I get those from banks all the time. Apparently, I have accounts at all of the nation's banks, each of which is in danger of being shut down if I don't send my information right away.

Sadly, people fall for these things.

On a similar note, I had a client who has a business website. One day, he started getting calls from very upset people. Apparently, someone had used his website and contact information (combined with a generic e-mail address) to get people to send him checks as part of a work-at-home scam (to activate their health care benefits or make sure their paychecks will be deposited properly).

Once they realized they had been defrauded, they started calling or writing angry letters to my client.

Most disturbingly, there is nothing the police can do about this.

SQT said...

Oh man, I must get nearly 10 of these a day. I can't believe anyone still falls for these, but I guess someone is or they wouldn't be sending them.

I get a lot of the ones that say they're from foreign nationals who just happen to all be related to a very wealthy person who was killed in some sort of revolution and they need my particular help so they don't lose their inheritance. All I need to do is deposit a large sum of money in my bank account and give them back a portion. How simple is that? Gee, let me get right on that.

AndrewPrice said...


The problem is that people still don't understand that there is no such thing as a free lunch. They want these things to be true, even though it makes no sense that it would be.

Unfortunately, you see this same defective thinking creep into politics when people just accept the idea that we can spend whatever it takes to stimulate the economy without consequence, or that we can provide free health care or free entitlement spending or free housing or whatever else.

There is always a cost. But people want to believe that all of this can just be given for free.

StlDan said...

I used to have so much fun with these guys, below is an email I sent to one after I aske if she was married. I even had one send me a REAL $5.00 money order once. If you have time you can really drive them crazy.

Dear Isabelle, I prayed to alluha that you would write back. I am so fond and gleefull to have arrived that you are not married. My heart had such shudders at the most wildest chance that you are single. I am a very strong and pround man that you will most greatly be fond to have around your neck as we travel thru lifes most dirty secerects my Isa, may I call you Isa, Isa. It is such a most fasinacting and colorful name for a woman from your country. Ok Isa, how is it that I know to trust you, I do not know you in the fast quaintiy of tis world in our universe of this God we all call Jesus, how Isa, how do I know to be faithful in the world of business. Perhaps you send forth hence loving beutiful a picture of you with 50.00 USD in cash I will return it with 500.00 and a great picture of this man for you. Then we can have a trust. Please do not let my goverment know of this most secret and dirty deal we have to expect my love. I hope to hear soon of your return Isa, I wait with hast of your words. P.S. Say Hi to the inlaws

SQT said...


My husband and I talk about this all the time. The current climate of entitlement in this country is out of control. It's the living embodiment of the quote by Sir Alex Fraser Tytler

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship. "

This is where I see us now.

SQT said...


I love that. You are speaking their language.

AndrewPrice said...


That's brilliant!! I love it!


That quote totally highlights the problem with democracy, and why we are in such trouble. I read a statistic a few years ago that more than 50% of Americans receive money from the government in one form or another -- welfare, retirement, salary. How can we expect people to make rational decisions that are good for society at large if they see government primarily as a money machine that pays out if you vote for the right guy.

It is a dangerous time for democracy in America.

Captain Soapbox said...

"It is a dangerous time for democracy in America."

Indeed it is Andrew, and unfortunately I only see it getting worse. When people are reminded they're the majority shareholders in businesses they're going to start making demands on those businesses via the government.

How long until we see special interest groups demanding 20% discounts on GM cars because they own it? Or issuing free cars to those that can't afford one to "help share the pie." Or demanding a fixed rate mortgage for people to get everyone into the house they want, not the one they can afford? Not very long, and in fact that last one is one of the causes for the snowballing implosion of the economy to begin with. But do you think it won't happen again? I'm sure it will.

I'm just glad that most liberals seem to not like real science fiction so much. I've always been terrified of the day that Barney Frank discovered the "Honor Harrington" series and saw the concept of the "Basic Living Stipend" because he'd be pushing for that harder than he pushes at the all you can eat midnight breakfast buffet at Eatin' Park.

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