Monday, June 29, 2009

Membership Drive! Let’s Do Billy Mays Proud

I liked Billy Mays. Many of us did. He was compelling, magnetic. He seemed genuine. Maybe it was his boundless enthusiasm or his constant smile, but he just seemed like the kind of guy you wanted to know. And somehow, no matter how suspect the product, you wanted to trust him.

In many ways, he was the quintessential American. . . proof that hard working Americans can achieve the American dream.

Mays started out selling products face to face on the Atlantic City Boardwalk, before he began crossing the country selling at state fairs. In 1993, he was hired to sell Orange Glo International on the Home Shopping Network, where he made good use of the skills he had refined through years of hard work. Soon he became America’s pitchman.

Interestingly, Ronald Reagan did the same thing, crossing the country to give speeches for General Electric, before using the skills he developed to such great effect in politics.

So how do we best honor Billy Mays? Obviously, we sell something. This week only, we are selling memberships! And best of all, they are absolutely free!

You heard me right. . . free!

All you have to do is sign up for a free Google account (click "sign in" down under the "followers" on our page and follow the instructions to create a new account -- don't forget to tell 'em that Commentarama sent you!). Then hit "follow" in the same place. Bam! You’re a member.

After that, you can tell your friends! You can tell your family! Your brain will feel stronger. Your world will be happier. Even your food will taste better!

We’ll even throw in the right for you to make your own Commentarama T-shirt (one per customer, offer void where prohibited).

And we stand behind our product. If you aren’t completely satisfied with Commentarama for any reason, we’ll let you “unfollow” at no charge! (Just pay processing.)

Do it for Billy!

25 comments:

LawHawkSF said...

Mr. Price: This is really exciting. Great articles, wonderful contributors. I'm going to sign up right now! Oh, wait a minute. Never mind.

If our readers won't do it for Billy Mays, I hope they'll do it for their moms. Moms love us, and they would want all their kids to sign up (it's free--really free, and you don't often get that these days). We promise there are no hidden taxes, and we won't ask you to send us your bank account numbers or your home addresses.

freedom21 said...

I'll take ten! With a deal like this, I'd better stock up!

Good work over past few weeks guys! You've given me a lot of fodder to combat all the idiots out there.

As for Billy, he was the American Dream and Oxyclean really did work.

StlDan said...

Oh Andrew, you have let the cat out of the bag. You can not give anything away free. The new Cap&Tax will require some sort of remittance to offset the carbon footprint required to maintain this blog. It was in that 300 page, 3:00 AM dump by Waxman, I'm going to take a shower after that comment.

sheath0602 said...

As a business owner/salesman you sold me, a true homage to Billy Mays.

AndrewPrice said...

Sheath0602, Welcome! Thanks for joining the Commentarama family! I hope the T-Shirt turns out well!

Freedom21, your free memberships are in the mail! Good luck with your struggles against idiocy.

StlDan, We bribed a Congressman so that we could continue to bring you this website free! We got an exemption on page 299.

BevfromNYC said...

Hey, we should throw in a
NO-Expenses paid vacation to anywhere in the world with everyone who signed up withing the next 10 minutes!

Writer X said...

Shouldn't the cost to join be $19.99? Or $29.99? Or something with .99 in it? Do you take American Express?

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X, we come to honor Billy Mays. . . not end up in jail for wire fraud. So, no, we'll leave the price at $0. :-)


Bev, I have checked our budget and indeed, we can afford to give away a limited number of NO-expense paid vacations!


Freedom21, we've processed your membership, but you haven't hit follow yet? Our salepeople are getting nervous. . . :-(

freedom21 said...

AP: Frankly, I just like sales people to tremble. I supopse it's time for me to press that button. I am now a follower.

Ah, it feels good to follow. Leading is exhausting.

AndrewPrice said...

Freedom21, you won't regret this! The benefits of membership will more than cover the costs of the membership!

This thing pays for itself! :-)

freedom21 said...

AP: Let's hope so. The last time I invested nothing in something, it felt like the rug got pulled out from right under me.

But don't think I don't see where you're gonna get us. I know how expensive posting and handling can be over the interwebs...

AndrewPrice said...

Freedom21, LOL!

In all seriousness though, I have no idea how they can get away with that. It's free, except for $14.99 in shipping and handling. Are you kidding me?! I can buy it in stores for $14.99, so there is no way that shipping and handling costs $14.99.

LawHawkSF said...

Sheath0602: Welcome to the family. You'll love the T-shirt. We bought them from a company called "The Emperor's New T-Shirts." Don't give a second thought to the peasants around you who can't see your T-shirt. Wear it proudly.

Freedom21: Thanks for pushing the magic "follow" button.

StlDan: Andrew didn't tell you that the bribe was one of our T-shirts. I hope Congressman Horsefeathers understands the concept behind them. On the other hand, the exemption is on page 299 of the supplement, so by the time anybody actually reads it, we'll be celebrating our tenth anniversary.

CrispyRice said...

Hey, I signed up before and I didn't get any freebies that you're now handing out to the newbies. Can I return my "followship" and re-up??

Maybe I need a lawyer...

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, good work finding the t-shirt company! They sound very "cost effective." I hope you used some of the rubber checks.


CrispyRice, sorry, this offer is open only to new customers. But never let it be said that we don't treat our customers well, so I will personally send you one of our t-shirts -- it comes in an invisible box. Watch for it! :-)

BevfromNYC said...

Actually, Andrew, is it possible that you have already been sent CrispyRice a Members t-shirt? I know we might have had some left with the old invisible design.

LawHawkSF said...

Bev: That's why we had to take Andrew off procurement. He did indeed send CrispyRice one of the old T-shirts with the old invisible logo. So now we'll have to send her one with the new invisible logo. Not at all cost-effective. Andrew would spend all our non-existent funds if we let him. Come to think of it--I think spending money you don't have on things people can't see qualifies him to be in Congress.

AndrewPrice said...

That's low Lawhawk. . . I am NOT qualified to be a Congressman!

Bev, Try as I might, I just can't picture what our prior invisible logo looked like?

CrispyRice said...

Excelllleeeent... my ploy to get extra free invisible T-shirts is working like a charm. Everyone at the gym commented on it when I wore it the other day!!

BevfromNYC said...

CrispyRice, you know you just wrote that out loud, don't you? Now we know your eeevil plan...

Andrew - The other invisible logo was very complicated and difficult to reproduce efficiently. That' why we changed to the new one.

StanH said...

test

AndrewPrice said...

I get the feeling StanH is testing us.

BevfromNYC said...

Hey, nobody said there was going to be a test! I forgot to study!

CrispyRice said...

Darn it, Bev! I'm still working on learning how to be a mooch. I figure mooching will get me further than hard work for the next 4 years, but I obviously have lots to learn. *sigh*

patti said...

i'm wearing my t-shirt right now!

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