November 2012—Bully Or Bulls**t?

Now isn’t this a coincidence? Within less than twelve hours from the announcement that Barack Obama has “evolved” into believing that gay marriage should be normalized, The Washington Post put out a hot news flash that Republican Mitt Romney may have hazed a fellow student--nearly a half century ago! The story takes up pages, and implies that Romney was a gay-basher.

Well, Mitt, that wasn’t a nice thing to do. Naughty, naughty. And if you didn’t like the kid’s bleached blond hair, what would you have done on the beaches of California during the Beach Boys era? Therefore, you are unqualified to be president of the United States. Never mind that the parents of the boy you gave a haircut deny that anything like that happened. Never mind that people who were supposedly part of the “gang” that accosted the boy say there never was such an incident to their knowledge. I refuse to listen to your childhood friend who said he "thought your pranks were funny" but was disturbed by the haircut. Of course he also said he wasn't present at the incident and hadn't heard about it. Hmmmm. You are a bully, plain and simple and you should immediately withdraw from the race. I’m willing to bet you’ve been forming posses to round up gays and cut their hair ever since.

The proof is that immediately after Obama sanctioned gay marriage, you showed your true colors by saying that you don’t approve of such marriages. See—you’re a homophobe as well as a bully. It’s more proof that you haven’t changed at all in forty-seven years since you were beating up on innocent bleached-blond boys. Worse yet, you are a secret hater. When you assaulted that poor kid, you didn’t even have the nerve to shout gay epithets. But it was so traumatizing that he did later come out.

It’s time that we recognize that the proper candidate for the presidency is our beloved Barack Obama. He didn’t do things like that when he was young. He waited until he was a little older, if you don’t count him eating Fido as a child. Now maybe Barack is overstating his credentials, but he is the one who acts as an adult, unlike you. At the age when you were practicing being a barber, Barack tells us in his own words that he tried drugs enthusiastically. See—you should have grown up, quit worrying about hair and started working on your adult drug habit.

Unlike that wuss Bill Clinton, Barack inhaled like a man. And he continued to do so as a college student and man about town traveling in Europe. He also realized that marijuana wouldn’t enhance his need to be an active adult, so he moved on to cocaine (and like a man, he told the tale in his book Dreams From My Father). Before departing for his more mature persona, Barack thanked his “choom gang” in their high school yearbooks (“chooming” is an Hawaiian expression for smoking the weed).

Mitt, where are the mentors in your life who so influenced your political and religious beliefs? Barack has them. There was his communist-homosexual guide, Frank Marshall Davis, who helped form Barack’s lifelong commitment to things which were not the daily diet of middle America. As he got closer to becoming a community-organizer extraordinaire, he formed friendships with Weather Underground leaders William Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn, who were proud of their accomplishment of blowing up “establishment” buildings and killing night watchmen. They even held his first political fundraiser at their house when he decided to be a real man and run for office. Did you, Mitt, ever do anything that bold as an adult?

And while you were attending church at that cult that promotes clean-living, solid families and voluntary help to your fellow man, Barack was going to a real church. He was so bound up in the Christian way that he attended the same church for twenty years, including being married by the pastor. Because of bullies like you, Mitt, Barack had to leave that church which preached black liberation theology and his favorite pastor, Jeremiah Wright just after being nominated for the presidency by the adult party—the Democrats. And God damn America.

Barack does admit that he pushed another kid around when he was young, but it was a girl (named Coretta), so that doesn’t really count. And besides, that was forty years ago, and therefore not nearly as bad as what you did forty-seven years ago. Mitt, sit down and review the last twenty years of your life and compare it to Barack Obama’s adult life, and you will see why you are not qualified to be president and he is. You are a bully, and he is, well, the president.

Additional Note: The New Republic posted a lengthy article positing that gay rights may very well be Obama’s most important accomplishment. The magazine recognizes that bank bailouts, government takeovers of corporations, crony socialism, and Obamacare may soon go the way of the passenger pigeon and the dodo, but the man (The Man?) will have gay rights to put on his list of world-changing accomplishments. Dubious honor? You decide.

NOW: Can we discuss the economy, PLEASE?