Wednesday, May 4, 2011

They Should Sell The Naming Rights!

Why would it take 16 hours for Obama to make up his mind once the military brought him the option to take the red or the yellow pill . . . and how many times did people need to slap the yellow pill out of his hand? What could possibly have taken 16 hours to decide? Our sources say it was the operation name. And boy did they miss an opportunity!

According to our sources, the military initially wanted to call this "Operation: Weasel Kill," but Team Obama didn’t think that was respectful enough for a leader like Osama bin Laden. So they decided to name the operation themselves. Sadly, this proved harder than expected.

Hillary first suggested “Operation: Crusader Evader” to highlight that we weren’t at war with Islam. But Obama felt that was still too militant. Hillary then suggested “Operation: I ♥ Islam,” but that was considered inconsistent with certain PR issues currently facing the administration. This spurred the idea of calling it “Operation: This Proves I’m A Christian,” but that was deemed too provocative in that part of the world. . . plus, it wouldn’t fit on the mugs or tee shirts.

Biden then suggested “Operation: De-Toweler” or “Operation: Slurpee Jockey,” but his suggestions were ignored as always.

Then they considered using the operation name to denigrate Bush, but “Operation: Burning Bush” somehow struck them as provocative to Muslims. . . though no one could quite put their fingers on why.

Obama then suggested “Operation: Birther Diverter” but that was considered too obvious. “Operation: Trump Sucks” was rejected for the same reason. “Operation: PXR44378” was considered too impersonal.

Then they hit upon naming this operation after a famous American hero. But who? “Operation: Kennedy” sounded like an assassination, ditto on “Operation: MLK” or “Operation: Lincoln.” “Operation: Washington” wouldn’t play well in flyover country. “Operation: Jefferson” sounded like a sit-com. “Operation: Sacajawea” sounded like a failure.

Finally, it came down to “Operation: Geronimo” or “Operation: Oprah.” Geronimo won it on the coin toss, and it was considered a good choice because no one could possibly be upset by the US government naming an operation to hunt down and kill a terrorist after Geronimo? After all, wasn't he famous for running a casino?

But this was all a missed opportunity. They should have sold the naming rights to someone like Domino's Pizza. Sure, the tee shirts sales with “Obama killed Osama” should be good, but the real money is in selling naming rights! Think about it!

$25 million per minor assassination. . .
$50 million for an air campaign. . .
$100 million for a regional war. . .
$1.2 billion for a world war. . .
Oh yeah, think of the profitably possibilities!

So what would you have named this operation? What else would you sell the naming rights to? What would you have put on the commemorative tee shirts? And did you see they won't release the pictures now? We need an image for the commemorative coin dammit!

45 comments:

ScottDS said...

I think there's a line in Hot Shots! Part Deux where the president, played by Lloyd Bridges, refers to a top secret operation called "Operation: Go In and Get Our Boys Back" or something like that (which, coincidentally, is the mission objective). This could've been "Operation: Kill bin Laden" and no one would've believed it anyway!

There was also a Get Smart episode titled "Operation: Ridiculous."

But since they have sponsorship deals with everything else, they should've called this one "GoDaddy presents Operation Geronimo."

AndrewPrice said...

By the way, as a COMPLETELY UNRELATED point, I am really enjoying this parody of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" called Angry Birds and I actually like it better than the original.

-- green pig ahole gonna pay for what they stole....

-- this 99 cent app purchase is destroying my life....

-- this used to be a game, but now it's personal....

Great stuff! :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, Very true! Could you imagine how cool it would be if they called it "Operation: Kill bin Laden"? That would play very well with the gamer crowd! Or they could have called it "Operation: Halo Killshot!"

Yeah, GoDaddy would probably be thrilled to sponsor an assassination or a small war. They would definitely bid on something like this.

I like the idea of selling naming rights to the White House rose garden. It can be the "Miracle Grow White House Rose Garden". And the South Lawn can be the "Coors South Lawn."

Patti said...

operation: Re-election 2012: We'll have it in the bag after we throw Bin Laden in the sea!

Cause that's exactly what they're thinking. too bad, for them, the rest of the country, or i should say the majority of the country, likes to use their brains fer thinkin' instead of just skull-stuffin'.

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, I'm sure they're thinking that, but that's not going to happen. Still, I would mind seeing the Dems waste $20 million trying to get this thing called "Operation: Re-elect Obama 2012"! LOL!

LawHawkRFD said...

"Operation Comb The Beard."

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, You and your western beliefs. . . like hygiene!

BevfromNYC said...

Operation: Kill Bad Guys. This way they wouldn't have tipped off bin Laden, but it may be sexist though.

How for a tie-in
Introducing The "Obama in the Sit-Room" Doll. Every little boy and girl will be able to plan their own assassinations by reinacting when Obama took Enemy #1 down! Reinact those agonizing hours before The One made his One True Decision! It will keep the kids playing for hours - 16 hours in fact! It will truly be a "teachable moment" for every little boy and girl in America and around the world!

Also available -
"Obama-at-the Golf-Course"
"Obama-on-Vacation"
"Campaign Obama-at-the-Fundraiser".

Air Force One and the teleprompter sold separately

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, That's great! I can see them rushing out right now to get the dolls made! I especially like the 16 hours of fun guarantee!

And when sales start to slip, they can even issue a special edition that speaks:

"Me. . . me. . . me. . . me. . ."

and

"Tell me whose ass to kick! Tell me whose ass to kick!"

And he can have kung fu powers that let the doll disappear into the woodwork at critical times.

What a great idea! We can make a whole line: Pelosi, Reid, Boehner, Bin Laden, Mohammed. . . wait, we might want to skip that one. ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

Hey, speaking of teleprompters, did you see that Obama pays for a teleprompter coach???? Unbelievable. I guess he actually has no skills of his own.

LawHawkRFD said...

Andrew: I wasn't exactly thinking of soap, comb and brush when I came up with the name of the operation. Maybe "Part The Beard" would have been more accurate. LOL

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, Or "Operation: Trim the Beard From The Neck Up".... LOL!

T-Rav said...

Andrew, how about "Operation: The 57th State"? Or "Operation: Let Me Be REALLY Clear"? Or "Operation: Kenya's Revenge"? I think I definitely would have gone with the last one.

By the way, my super-long-and-totally-informative post that got gobbled this morning is now up on the previous thread.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, I see that. I'll go take a look in a moment.

I like "Operation: Kenyan's Revenge." LOL!

BevfromNYC said...

Speaking of beards, there is a guy in NYC who vowed he would not shave his beard until OBL was brought to justice. He kept his vow and finally shaved his beard on Monday morning with much ceremony.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, He must be thrilled. No more getting confused with ZZ Top! :-)

Kosh said...

Dang did it again. Andre can you erase the other two comments?

Bud Light Presents:

Real American Heroes (real american heroes)

Today we salute you Mr. Shoot Osama in the Face Guy.

Your courage, quick thinking, and accurate shot was heard around the world. (bang, bang) No more videos. No more speeches.

You waited an extra 16 hours to get the greenlight, but it was worth it. (playin' solitaire)

Not telling the Pakistanis you were coming nearly got you killed, but that just added to the excitement. (jam that radar!)

Now you can now tell your grandchildren that while he was pissing his dishdash and begging for mercy, you put a hole in his head. (brains all over the bed)

So crack open a cold Bud Light you master of the M16 because you can feel good this is one goat fornicator we won't be hearing from again. (Mr. Shoot Osama in the Face Guy)

AndrewPrice said...

Kosh, That would make a heck of a Super Bowl commercial! People would never forget it!

On the Osama, Obama slip, that seems to be happening all the time all over the net. Oh well. Maybe Obama should have stuck with Barry Soertto?

AndrewPrice said...

Deleted!

The Department of Homeland Security (probably not T-Rav) said...

Mr. Kosh: You have some explaining to do for those two posts. If you don't mind, please come down to our nearest office for a chat. You might want to get your affairs in order first, just saying. Also, bring your computer with you. We're very interested in computers and the stuff people have on them.

Kosh said...

Thank you. Dispite my dislike for the man (Obama), I don't wish for him to be killed. Just defeated so he can go off and build houses with Jimmy.

Tennessee Jed said...

If it was me, I think I'd talk to the marketing guys for Mr. Clean or Brawny paper towels. Don't know if that is P&G or Scott or what. Mr. Clean kind of looks like Obama and the paper towel thing would work well around a theme of cleaning up the oriental carpet for the next owners. of course, I'd expect it to be done tastefully . . . .

The other one that might work would be a sponsorship by the makers of targets for assault rifle practice. It would be a photo head shot likeness. The perfect score would be to match the pre-fabricated holes in the picture.

Kosh said...

To: Department of Homeland Security

I would be happy to meet you but it will take me awhile to set my affairs inorder. You will also have to come to my place, since I do not have transportation. Please come on or after De. 22, 2012. I am holed up in a commune outside Kellog, Idaho. Please come un-armed as Pa's gun has a hair trigger and his eyesight is poor. Also do not stray from the clearly marked path or you could be injured from our "early warning system."

Sincerely,

Kosh

LawHawkRFD said...

OK: Get out the portable defibrillators and head up to my place, quick! The Hill is reporting that Nancy Pelosi called W to say “I wanted him to know the appreciation that many of us have in a bipartisan way ... that his role was important." Of course, that was after 48 uninterrupted hours of her praising Generalissimo B. Obama for personally catching and killing bin Laden, and just before she called Bill Clinton to thank him for letting bin Laden get away, twice.

BevfromNYC said...

It is being reported that some anonymous "official" sold the photos of bin Laden raid were sold to Reuters. So I guess the "we won't show the photos" is mute...

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, I like the Mr. Clean idea. Or COIT and they could do an ad about getting blood and bullet holes out of curtains!

And I love the gun idea: "This assassination is brought to you by ZippyGun, the makers of the sweetest little automatic in the world. If you want it dead, use a Zippy."

AndrewPrice said...

Dear Homeland Security (probably not T_Rav), you can come pry my mouse of my cold, donut-creme encrusted hand! ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

Hey Kosh, That's not fair. Don't give them a fake address....


Dept. Homeland Security, Kosh actually lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, D.C. and he says you'll never take him alive. Good luck bring lots of help! :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, I am stunned that she even thought about it. If I were Bush, I wouldn't eat any chocolates she sends along with the thank you card.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I saw that, but I haven't seen the photos yet. My money is on Biden. Let's see if he makes and big purchases in the next few weeks....

Seriously, I'd put money on Panetta or someone in his office because he seems to be the only one who gets that the photos need to be released.

BevfromNYC said...

Dear Homeland Security (not T-Rav),

I will be happy to "name names" for immunity or $25 whichever is worth more. Please meet me at the corner of 145 Street and Lenox Ave at 1am (I have to work late...) and I will give you all the information you want. Please bring cash. If you wave the cash, I will know it is you. See you then.

I await your reply,
Stool pidgeon

The Department of Homeland Security (probably not T-Rav) said...

Mr. Price, we would like to speak to you and a couple others at this site as well. Our animal-rights donors--wait, that should read "advisors"--have pointed out a lot of loose talk about shooting kittens in the face. This is barbaric and completely unacceptable, and will contribute to the culture of violence and hatred. This is your only warning. If matters escalate, we shall have to take this Bev/Stool Pigeon up on her offer.

BevfromNYC said...

Dear Homeland Security person:

If it will up the ante, I will be more than willing to give up the Kitten-face shooting person. Let me know.

See ya' later,
Bevfrom(youknowwhere) a/k/a stlpidg.

AndrewPrice said...

Dear Homeland Security,

I too am at the 1600 Pennsylvania Ave address. I am a tall, indecisive, black man. . . you'll never take me alive. :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Sorry to hear they've got you working so late! ;-)

You know what's funny, DOJ's main building is located on L Street in D.C. L Street is also where the hookers hang out. So if you work for DOJ, you get to walk past the hookers on your way to the Metro. That's fitting somehow.

T-Rav said...

Bev, what the heck??!! I was going to defend your honor against Andrew associating you with hookers (maybe), but now you're going to turn me in to DHS for a few measly bucks? Defend your own freaking honor!!

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, Honor is fleeting, but $25 could easily turn into $27.50 by the time you retire if you invest it wisely!

Besides, I'm not associating Bev with hookers, I'm just noting that Bev seems to be suggesting that DHS meet with a certain snitch amidst the hookers. I was just pointing out for our audience where the hookers are in DC, should they decide to visit. It's a public service! :-)

BevfromNYC said...

T-Rav -
How did you get hold my super secret communiques with Homeland Security??? They promised that no one would ever know!!! Well, I'll never trust them again! Sorry for any inconvenience.

Bev

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, DHS hired Wikileaks to set up their e-mail system.

T-Rav said...

Sure you were, Andrew, sure you were. You're just providing a public service, of course.

By the way, I hear that the Department of Homeland Security followed up that tip about 1600 Pennsylvania not long ago and...suffice to say, they are not amused by the joke. Don't ask me how I know. I have sources.

T-Rav said...

Bev, you should really be more careful. Don't worry, though, all is forgiven. But it may not come in time to save Fluffy McWhiskers here.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, They have no sense of humor! LOL!

rlaWTX said...

I always thought that Geronimo meant "Holy crap how did I let them talk me into thiiiiiiiiis!"

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, That's a great point! LOL! What a horrible name for a mission!

Joe said...

They missed a good chance to get the the "rigth-wing heavies" and the nerds behind it if they'd picked "Operation: Annihilate!"

I also keep thinking that how did he make a call this "gutsy" in 16 hours? I would have expected at least 48 given the moral quandries for him. It's easy to dither when you have no concrete principles and no moral center.

Post a Comment