Thursday, July 16, 2009

Barack Obama: Love Machine

By now we’ve all seen the photo of Barack Obama leering at the young woman. It’s no big deal ABC gushed in their defense of the President. Having seen the video, I am inclined to agree. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t covering up a deeper problem with our new President. Dear Reader, see what we've uncovered for you. . . . .

Two months ago, in an event that none of the networks covered, Hillary Clinton accused the young President of touching her inappropriately. “He used a Vulcan nerve pinch on me and then kissed me. . . like this.”

An angry President Obama denied the charge: “I did not have sex with that woman.”

But she didn't say sex sir, and soon photographic evidence came out. Duck, duck, goosed.

New York Times: "Hillary Vindicated! Republicans evil!"

Soon rumors surface of another woman. “No, there’s no truth to these rumors. This woman is a liar.”

Joe Biden, the voice of integrity, is troubled.

Biden demands Barack come clean, but Barack spits in his face.

Biden returns fire, escalating their spitting match.

An angry Biden supports this mystery woman, who turns out to be Kathleen Sebelius! “Oooga booga, and then he jumped out of the Oval Office closet at me.”

The President responds angrily. “I did not have sex with those two women.”

But then this photo surfaces of the President ravishing an unwilling Nancy Pelosi. "You smell gooood."

“This is an outrage. I am being smeared by a vast right wing conspiracy.”

But as he speaks, another photo emerges, of the President demanding "consideration" for appointing Judge Sotomayor. He would later claim he was only looking for somewhere to spit out part of a wangdoodle, when Sotomayor stepped in the way.

Senate hearings are held. “How large is your wangdoodle sir?”

“No Senator, it’s much bigger than that.”

The Senate is troubled. “We do not approve of innuendo.”

Soon other women appointed by the President make similar claims. He denies each claim: “I did not have sex with those five women.”

Until he realizes he cannot win. “I shall change my ways," he agrees.

But has he? Seen here, Barack Obama giving Hosni Mubarak a special greeting. “Meester Prezident!”

There you have it, the first big cover-up of this young administration. And there wasn't a word about this in the press. Terrible.

Of course, I might be reading too much into these photos.


LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: I knew he was up to something. The last time I knew of somebody that profoundly emotionless, he was diddling the choir boys. Thank you for the early expose. When you get the call from Janet Napolitano, let me know. I'm available for defense work at a substantial fee.

Goldentrout said...

Hilar- er, I mean, most troubling revelations about our beloved Leader, Andrew. So much for hope and change. He's just a Clinton in Obama clothing. (Now we know who's the REAL playah- and it ain't Bill or Bro. Al)!

Been reading and enjoying the posts over here- kudos to you and Hawk!

AndrewPrice said...

Goldentrout, thanks and welcome! I too was troubled to learn what was really going on at the White House! :-P

Lawhawk, Expose is my middle name! At least it would be if I was French. . . and my parents were hippie journalists.

Writer X said...

OMG, laughing so hard. The only thing missing is the recent photo where he definitely threw like a girl, although I'm not sure where that would fit in exactly in this whole coverup. Any guy who irons his jeans (or wears old lady jeans) is definitely bad news. And unappealing.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Writer X, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Who says there's nothing funny about BO?

As for the whole throwing like a girl and wearing granny pants thing. . . um, yeah. I'm not sure there's much we can add to that!

CrispyRice said...

LOL! Very funny, Andrew!

I promise to sneak you snacks once you're locked away in the re-education camp.

AndrewPrice said...

CrispyRice, Now that's true friendship! :-)

But I think I have a way out of the camp. I'm going to tell them that if they don't let me out, I can't pay their silly taxes, and they'll all starve.

StlDan said...

Good job Andrew! Who taught you to write and edit, Rachel Maddow or Keith Olbermann?

AndrewPrice said...

StlDan, Maddow taught me about fact checking and Olbermann taught me about journalistic integrity, and CNN taught me to turn a blind eye where needed.

Suzie1 said...

Whatcha drinkin'?

He thinks she's so. soo Sotomayor, baby.

USArtguy said...

Great fun reading this, Andrew!

At work we used to have the occasional "Caption Contest" where someone would tape a picture to a wall along with a lined piece of paper and passersby would make up their own captions. Hilarity ensued. Perhaps you could do that here once in while. As an incentive you could give out a "no-prize" (to borrow a term from Stan Lee of Marvel Comics fame) to the best one. Some of the photos here are just begging for a Caption Contest.

AndrewPrice said...

Suzie1, It's not the drink, it's the lack of sleep. It brings out the creativity, right before it drives you insane.

USArtguy, that is a fantastic idea! We'll have to see if we can come up with something. . . :-)

Gordon Winslow said...

Andrew: I would feel more comfortable visiting your blog if your middle name was "exposé" rather than "expose."

I would feel a lot more comfortable if LawHawk wasn't thanking you for "the early expose" right after mentioning diddling choir boys. Talk about a creepy start to a thread! ;)

AndrewPrice said...

Gordon, those are good points. But fortunately, it's all just a matter of being too lazy to go find a symbol key for the é thing.

freedom21 said...

USArt Guy: You'll be pleased to know that the Commentarama staff has been distributing official t-shirts and coozies since the membership drive. Last time I checked with the warehouse there were still a number of left overs to be distributed.

Speaking of-I got my invisible shirt in the mail yesterday. I am wearing it proudly. The office seems to like my new look (Thank goodness for casual Fridays)

StanH said...

I bet Michelle would beat him like a red headed step child if he got caught hound doggin. Andrew does have the proof …I guess it’s off to the woodshed for Barry.

AndrewPrice said...

freedom21, people seem to really like the invisible t-shirts. Everyone gets noticed when they wear them! :-)

StanH, I'm sure Michelle will be quite shocked to see this.

Mike Kriskey said...

This was hilarious. Worthy of Wuzzadem (if they still exist) or Protein Wisdom (if they don't.)

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Mike, I call 'em like I see 'em.

Gordon Winslow said...


I'm glad you were lazy! It gave me quite a chuckle.

What I do when I'm writing formally and actually need the special symbol is look up the word on Wikipedia, and then cut and paste.

It's the fastest way I've found to type words such as exposé, résumé, and Motörhead.

Kathy said...

Brilliant Andrew...I sooooooo needed those chuckles to end this week of political overkill. I nearly slit my wrists at little Chuckie Schumer's quivering chin.

AndrewPrice said...

Kathy, Thanks! Glad that I could help! Schumer is good at ruining perfectly good weeks, isn't he?

Gördön, Gööd tip. I will strivé tö usé the cörréct symböls fröm nöw ön. :-)

DCAlleyKat said...

Gördön, Gööd tip. I will strivé tö usé the cörréct symböls fröm nöw ön. :-)

Symbolically speaking that is?!

AndrewPrice said...

Absölutely! :-)

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