Saturday, July 11, 2009

Warning: The End Is Near -- July 8, 2017!!

Put a fork in us, dear reader, we’re done. Apparently, capitalism and consumerism have brought the world to the brink of economic and environmental collapse. In 96 months, on July 8, 2017, we all die. . . except for the red squirrel, which won’t die until April 2019.

So who made this dire prediction? Nostradamus? Edgar Kasey? The Mayan desk planner? Red-squirrel enthusiasts? No. It was England’s own dapper Prince of Wales.

That’s right, visionary Prince Charles, heir to the throne. . . the man Al Gore calls “a thought leader”. . . the man who receives £3 million each year from British taxpayers just to hang around in case his mom dies. . . the man who demonstrated his scientific acumen in 2004 by claiming that daily coffee enemas cure cancer -- a claim described thusly by one eminent cancer specialist: “I’m going to be very angry. Charles is abusing his position to put around wacky ideas which have no scientific credence.”

Bottom's up my Lord!

But, as the red squirrels might say, nuts to science. Who needs science when you have vision. . .

Three days ago, the prognosticating Prince told a group of industrialists that the “age of convenience” was over, and that he personally “calculated” that we have just 96 months left to save the world from the “irreversible damage of climate change”:

“for all its achievements, our consumerist society comes at an enormous cost to the Earth and we must face up to the fact that the Earth cannot afford to support it. . . Nature’s life-support systems are failing to cope with the debts we have built up. . . If we don’t face up to this, then Nature, the biggest bank of all, could go bust. And no amount of quantitative easing will revive it.”
He then engaged in a little numerology, pulling fake figures from the Royal Rectum, to amuse his audience.

Naturally, Commentarama takes such threats seriously. So let us see if we can’t find someone to blame for this problem.

A study by the British government-funded Carbon Trust, estimates that the average binge-drinking Briton produces a carbon footprint of 10.92 tons of CO2 per year. The same group claims the average American produces 21 tons of CO2 per year.

But before you accuse the Americans of letting down humanity, one must realize that the American’s don’t have the same quality role-models that the British do. We, in the states, only have Al Gore to inspire us, while you British have genuine royalty to inspire you. Indeed, unlike Al Gore, a noted polluter, jaunty Prince Charles’s carbon footprint is a measly. . . uh oh.

Apparently, in June 30, 2008, the jolly green Prince admitted that his carbon footprint was 2,795 tons for the prior year. Yes, 2,795 tons!! That’s more than 133 times the average American! But wait, there’s more. That figure does not include the CO2 produced by his farms. That’s another 2,459 tons, increasing his total to 5,254 tons. . . the equivalent of 250 Americans! But wait, there’s even more. This figure doesn’t include ANY of the carbon footprint caused by his official travel or business travel.

We can only guess at how much that is. But here are some interesting hints:

To make his pronouncement of environmental doom, the flighty Prince took a 14-person entourage on a 16,000 mile trip, releasing 322 tons of CO2 into the atmosphere.

In April 2009, the Carbon Prince chartered a series of private flights throughout Europe to promote environmental awareness, at a carbon cost of 53 tons, thirteen times the carbon that would have been released by flying commercial.
But perhaps this is not fair, for he does so love to fly. Indeed, in June 2007, the air to the throne took a staff of twenty on an 11,000 kilometer plane ride just to collect a Global Environmental Citizen prize.

Cheeky sire, cheeky, especially, as this same lecturous Prince once noticed that “a product [like coffee] flown halfway across the world leaves far more carbon emissions in its wake than a similar one made just down the road.” Yes, as do princes, Your High-ness.

So is it really capitalism that has killed the planet or is it effete rich, coffee-enemaist who travel around lecturing the rest of us?

It seems, that if there is such a thing as a crime against the environment, then you, Prince Chuck, are the worst offender. You should be tried, convicted, and then banished to live in a cave. . . without attendants, and nary a medicinal coffee bean. Or you could do the honorable, environmentally friendly thing and compost yourself post haste.

And until such time as this perilous Prince abandons his evil ways or the World stops him, we at Commentarama will do our part to reduce CO2 emissions by simply not being Prince Charles.

Finally, let us add, that is it a good thing that this CO2 fantasy is nothing more than bad science, coffee-enema bad, or we might be truly angry at this hypocritical git. As it is, we are simply not amused.


Red squirrel at night, Prince's delight,
Capitalist squirrel in the morn, Prince's scorn.

21 comments:

LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: Have you ever noticed the grim look on Elizabeth's face? That's the look of a woman who is absolutely determined to outlive her heir-apparent. And God love Liz, I think she may just pull it off.

A more serious reminder is that Charlie Boy has indicated that he would take the title of "Defender of Faith" rather than the traditional "Defender of the Faith." Even the Labour Party balked at that one. They choked at the idea of a king who merrily defended the faith that is quickly replacing Christianity in strength and numbers while building a mosque designed to dwarf the Houses of Parliament. He'd better pray to whatever god he prays to that Liz passes on to that great throne room in the sky before the Tories take over the government. Otherwise, the Alfred E. Newman lookalike will never be king.

This guy almost makes me miss Princess Diana--almost.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, I recall speculation way back into the early 1980s that she didn't want Charles taking the throne. If she can only hang on another 8 years, then the squirrels can take over.

StanH said...

Guys do you ever sleep? Chaaaarles… what a dweeb. This guy deserves his coffee enema, perhaps a new way to get that morning coffee rush, I’ll take it on faith. I know we have all beat this to death but… Global warming is a Marxist con, it’s a place where the statist have parked their twisted ideology to finally destroy Free Market economies. The good news is Mother Nature isn’t cooperating, making Owlgore and his minions look like, well “Manbearpig.” When the Earth is done with us we will simply vanish, not the other way around?

CrisD said...

Coffee enemas????? lol! Andrew, Did you ever see "The Queen"?
What a tortured (and funny) island that must maintain this tourist attraction to fill the coffers.

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, We don't sleep. . . we drink a LOT of coffee!

I firmly believe in having a solid environmental policy, I see no reason that we should not have clean and water and the such, and that polluters should not be made to pay the costs of their actions. BUT, such a policy needs to be rational and beneficial to people.

And one of the things that bothers me so much about "environmentalists" is that they are socialists masquerading as environmentalists. They are ruining a good cause to promote sickening social policy.

Nothing highlights that more than a fool like Prince Chuck trying to (1) scaremonger (2) about a "problem" based on bad science and lunatic math and (3) blame capitalism for that supposed problem.

First, as we noted before, only 3.27% of carbon emissions are man made. Thus, even if carbon was a problem, it can in no way be shown to be capitalism's fault.

Secondly, anyone who has ever visited a communist or ex-communist country will see that capitalist countries are virtually pollution free compared to what socialism has achieved.

Finally, how can the world's biggest welfare recipient know anything about capitalism?

AndrewPrice said...

CrisD, I haven't to admit that I haven't seen it. But I do really like Helen Mirren, so I will have to watch for it.

Have you ever seen "To Play The King" staring Ian Richardson? It's the second in the series (on PBS years ago) after "House of Cards" -- a miniseries about a fictional British PM who is downright evil. I kept thinking of that when I was writing this piece. . . where is Francis Urquhart to shut this guy down?

Writer X said...

The Prince of Shame looks like he's trying to channel the squirrels in his photo. Or maybe a few more brain cells. Can't tell you how unbelievably sick I am of the "do as I say, not as I do" crowd. As an aside, we've had one of the most coldest winters/summers in the desert in years. Sure, it's 110 degrees now but it's supposed to be--it's the desert.

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X, I agree entirely. Hypocrisy does not sell. And you're right about the weather. Real scientists have found that "global warming" stopped in 1996, and that we've been cooling ever since.

LawHawkSF said...

StanH: I can't speak for Andrew, but I do sleep--during the day. I get up right after sundown, have a slice of Pizza (no garlic, please) look in the mirror (forgetting that I don't cast an image), then sit down at the computer.

CrisD: "The Queen" was very well done. Although we're supposed to laugh at the stiff upper lip attitude that Liz showed during the Lady Di ghoul-fest, I found it admirable, and was too busy laughing at the silly twit of a Prime Minister.

WriterX: The Royals are known as very "horsey" people. Princess Anne was a prize-winning equestrian. But as far as I can tell, Charles is the first to marry one.

Charles and Gore are soul-mates in the intellectual world of global warming/climate change. "Here's a chart. And here's a chart. And over here's another chart. Aren't the charts pretty? They prove something, and we can't tell you why, but we're sure it's very bad. Thanks for listening, now Mr. Gore and I have to get on our jumbo jets and fly back to our respective mega-mansions to look for carbon leaks and work on the books for our carbon offset corporations. Even climate saviors have to make a living, dontcha know?"

Pittsburgh Enigma said...

Just a few thoughts:

Along the lines of what Writer X said, I think what Charles meant to say is that everyone else's age of convenience is over, not his. More than ever before, the elites know what's best for us.

As for 2017, that's really great. The Coast-to-Coast folks have been telling me that it would all come to an end by 2012, so I just gained five years. Woohoo! ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

PE, I guess the question is, who do you trust more -- goofy Prince Charles or the noble Mayans (who were guided by aliens)? I'm going with 2012 personally, and if I find that I don't burst into flames in 2012, then I'll be pleasantly surprised! :-)

As for their age of convenience, I think it's amazing how they always think that somehow, what they are doing is so special that they are justified in giving themselves an exception to what they preach -- an exception the rest of us somehow never merit.

CrisD said...

Andrew-Hope I can "fetch" (ha-ha) the old PBS series--sounds great.

Law Hawk-Yup, I read the "Queen" just the way "I" wanted whatever was intended...The Tony Blair was a riot, as was Helen and that character actor (I should know his name) who plays Prince Philip...all were "smashing, dahling."

PS. Coldest June on record in Chapel Hill, NC.

AndrewPrice said...

CrisD, I believe it's the coldest summer in forever all along the East Coast.

Start with House of Cards. I think you'll enjoy it.

freedom21 said...

"What is wrong with people nowadays? Why do they all seem to think they are qualified to do things far above their capabilities?"-Prince Charles, 2004


That guy should really listen to his own wise words and know his station.


Great Article! Thanks!

As a sidenote- it's always seemed to me that the Queen has always wanted Wills as the next king. Honestly, can you really trust the character of someone who chose horse faced Camilla over Princess Di?

AndrewPrice said...

Freedom21, good quote, the Prince should listen.

I know a lot of people think that the Queen wants to skip a generation. I personally think it would be a good thing for England, but I don't honestly follow the family close enough to know.

BevfromNYC said...

I know no one will read this, but did anyone ever stop and think that maybe the Mayans just got tired of carving that stupid stone calendar. Their arms got tired, so they figured that they'd carved enough, and thought maybe someone in 2012 could start carving the calendar again when it ran out? That's my theory anyway. ;-]

And leave Charles alone. I was going to marry him before Diana came along...well, he didn't know that, but it was true!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev. . . Bev. . . Bev. . . Doubt the Mayans at your own risk. ;-)

CrisD said...

Rec'd "To Play the King" (yesterday July 16th) and we watched first installment! Loved it and are going to savor one episode per night!

Thanks, Andrew.

AndrewPrice said...

You're welcome CrisD. I hope you enjoy the rest as well! :-) I thought it was super well done and extremely compelling. You want to hate the PM, but you're drawn to him. And you never know how it's going to end.

If you go through the end of the series (there is a third), the ending is truly surprising. I won't say any more though.

Libertarian Advocate said...

I know I'm really late coming in on this convo, but couldn't resist. Charles Prince of Whales always brings to mind one of the truly great MPFC episodes "Upper Class Twit of the Year" Find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSqkdcT25ss

AndrewPrice said...

That's ok, better late than never. . . so long as you comment before July 8, 2017!! LOL!

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