New York State of Mind - Notes from an Emigrant

"Welcome to New York City, Now Go Home”
-De facto motto of New York City





Every since Rudy Guiliani made the city safer for all of us and turned 42nd Street into the real life version of Disneyland’s Main Street USA, we’ve been inundated with tourists. Don’t get me wrong, I love our tourists, but here are few tips to make your stay here more enjoyable for the rest of us:

1. WALK FASTER!!! We have places to go, so get out of our way. You may be on vacation, but we have one hour for lunch.
2. ORDER FASTER!!! If you insist on buying breakfast during the morning rush, know what you want. Again, we have places to go, so get out of our way. We are not rude, we are just much more important than you.
3. STOP ASKING ME FOR DIRECTIONS!!! What do I look like, an information booth? If you want a Starbucks, walk a block. You are bound to run into one. And the Statue of Liberty is in the same place it has been for about 120 years now. Hint: Keep walking down (south) until you hit water then look up. Voila, Statue of Liberty!

Actually, I am just having some fun. I love our tourists. Not only do they bring much need revenue to this financially-challenged city, but they bring a much needed perspective. If nothing else, they let us know we are not alone. At lunchtime, I see the constant sea of people looking solemnly out over the former World Trade Center site, saying little prayers for the victims and their families and it humbles me. Sometimes we forget what is right in front of us and the tourists are a good reminder to never forget.

And just so you won’t think that I am just picking on the tourists, here are a few tips for the New York City dwellers too –

1. BE A TOURIST!!! Discovery America. Hey, those bridges, tunnels, planes, and trains go both ways. You are free to cross the Hudson River and move about the country. New York City is NOT the center of the universe. Take a vacation to Dallas, Des Moines, Seattle, or Memphis for a change. Believe it or not, all of these cities and many more like them, have vibrant histories, excellent restaurants, beautiful museums, and award-winning theatres.
2. CUSTOMER SERVICE!!! Ever heard of it?? If you are nice to the customers, they will spend more. When we come in to your establishment, we WANT to spend our money. Please don’t make it difficult for us.
3. SHUT UP AND LISTEN FOR A CHANGE!!! Enough said….

Anyway on to other topics:

Politics

We have an election coming up here. Billionaire, bon vivant, and sometime Democ… oops no…Repub…, oops, no again…oh, yeah, Independent Mayor Michael Bloomberg (a/k/a Mayor Mike) is running a hotly contested race against Bill Thompson (a/k/a The Democrat). All you need to know about Thompson is that he is “The Democrat” and that he has been endorsed by President Obama. Mayor Mike must be scared because he has spent a staggering $65,000,000 (yes, that’s millions, folks) to defeat “the Democrat”.He has been sending flyers, doing television ads, and doing many other campaign–like activities since January to defeat anyone who might depose…oops…I mean oppose him in the upcoming election. Up until September 14th, he didn’t even have an actual opponent, but that did not deter our Mayor Mike one bit. It is predicted that he will spend $117,000,000 (yes, that’s millions, again) for a post that pays him nothing. You might ask yourself “Why would someone spend that kind of money?” Well, one – he’s a billionaire and he can do anything he wants to do; and two – well, let me take you back to October, 2008
{{{resolve to yesteryear}}}

Imagine if you will, a New York City plunged into the darkness of a major financial crisis. That’s when “Wall Street” and “AIG” became foul words of the worst kind. Our Mayor Mike (billionaire, bon vivant, and Mayor-Protector of New York) stood firm as “The Only One Who Could Pull Us Out Of Our Financial Crisis”. Just one problem, the voters of New York City passed an initiative in 1993 and a referendum in 1996 limiting the Mayor and City Counsel members to two - four year terms. Unfortunately for Mayor Mike, he was in the last year of his second term. What’s a Billionaire, bon vivant, Mayor-Protector supposed to do? Not to be deterred by the will of the people, he went all “Hugo Chavez” and conspired with the City Counsel to override our democratically voted-on term limitations. Yes, he and the City Counsel decided that THEY would decide how many terms they would be allowed to serve. In a vote 28 to 22, the City Counsel passed a resolution overriding the Initiative and the Referendum and it was signed by the Mayor…{{{resolve to present}}}…

Back in the present this leaves me with a bit of dilemma. Do I vote for Mayor Hugo Bloomberg or “The Democrat”? I don't mind voting for "The Democrat", but I know nothing about him because he has only spent $1,000,000. I just do not know what to do? Any ideas?

In other news:

-The great and honorable (little H) Charles Rangel (D/NY) continues to compound his tax trouble with each passing week. Last week, the “Rethuglicans” in the House forced a vote to send Rangel to the Congressional showers. With the results falling along partisan lines, the bill was rejected and sent to a committee for further review and, most likely, to die a bureaucratic death. BUT, take heart because knowing that they cannot completely ignore the issue without looking like raging Hypocrites (big H), the Democrats and the House “Ethics” Committee announced they are expanding the investigation on Rangel and would get back to us sometime. In an article from The Hill, it was reported that they have already “…issu[ed] close to 150 subpoenas and [have been] interviewing approximately 34 witnesses, resulting in more than 2,100 pages of transcripts.” I am sure they will decide soon, but I won't hold my breath.

- In a baffling surprise, the great and wise people that run our school system have banned bake sales. Apparently, home baked goods are making the children of New York City fat. My question – how many freakin’ bake sales ARE there in NYC that they are having an effect on the health of our children??


Predictions: The Yankees are going to win the World Series, the Giants are going to win the Superbowl, and President Obama is going to win the Most Valuable Player award for both…