Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Fat Is In The Fire

Your kid's too fat, and Michelle Obama is going to do something about it. She's from the government, and she's here to help you. After going on TV to denounce childhood obesity, she detailed how she personally took charge of her children's dietary plan. And of course personal responsibility worked so well that she wants to turn it into a government program. It's so bad, she says, "that childhood obesity has become a threat to national security." I kid you not.

She neglected to mention that her husband has put our children and grandchildren so far in debt that they probably won't be able to afford food anyway. But I digress. The first lady told her tale of how her daughters' private pediatrician had warned "that he was concerned that something was getting off balance." I assume he was talking about their diet and not her mental state. So, it was time for her to take a greater role in her children's nutrition. She goes on to state that she didn't know what to do, but did it anyway. Huh?

So what did Madam President By Marriage actually do? First, she checked with the White House chef to make sure that all home meals were carefully planned for optimum dietary needs. They were. Then she checked the school menu at the cushy private school the girls attend. Grilled veggie wraps. Check. Locally grown vegetable risotto. Check. Locally grown rosemary free-range chicken. Check. Locally grown and prepared squash gratin. Check. Make sure the kids are getting the proper exercise at home in the two swimming pools, gym, basketball court and bowling alley. Check.

Why aren't the Americans with fat kids doing the same thing? Well, they lack Michelle Obama and a government program to show them how to do it and force them to stick to it. Her children were in imminent danger of chubbydom, and she's not going to allow the public to continue on its ignorant path creating children so fat that they can roll to school faster than they can walk.

You will now put away those guns and Bibles you cling to and get thee hence to the pantry, the refrigerator and the stove and make sure you have stocked up on low-fat milk, more colorful vegetables at every meal, more water, no soft drinks, no MSG. You're going to make sure your kids' schools are providing the same menu that her children have access to. Get those kids away from the TV, and get them into the pool to swim away the fat. Use a Big Mac, go to jail.

And so Michelle concludes that she has learned so much from her own family's experience about responsible parenting that she is going to have the government do the job for you that you have miserably failed to do on your own. You ignorant people have so endangered your children's future appearances on the cover of Time, Vogue and Men's Health that it will now take the collective wisdom of "the administration, Congress, governors, mayors, teachers and [occasionally] parents" to save your children from a trip to the fat farm.

Slim Sister is watching you. And soon, so will multiple government agencies, officials and bureaucrats. As Michelle has so aptly put it: "It is very clear that this problem won't be solved by any single federal solution. This is going to require national action!" Are there no Obama youth camps? Are there no exercise houses?

23 comments:

AndrewPrice said...

Excellent points Lawhawk!

She also mentioned that fat kids are a national security problem because they can't serve in the military! Give me a break.

StanH said...

Michelle has a point, but it’s not hers to make. And of coarse there is no other solution other than some kind of government intervention, at least in her mind. Parenting is the toughest, and most rewarding job that you’ll ever have, and requires constant vigilance. The last thing you need is a meddling government peeking over your shoulder, pointing out the obvious. We have enough intrusion with our children in our public schools or indoctrination centers if you prefer.

John Stossell did a great expose’ about childhood obesity, and diabetes…the truth lies somewhere in-between.

LawHawkSF said...

StanH: Sorry for your comment disappearing, then re-appearing without your avatar. Andrew will be commenting later on the fact that we have just about given up on IntenseDebate for now. We're going back to the old format.

My generation went through the same overweight crisis, and the government's reaction was to lead by example. Suddenly everyone was jogging, exercising, and eating better. Now, the answer is for the government to do it for you and run another entire facet of your life by taking away all your options.

The problem is we've had forty years of the government doing people's thinking for them, and now they can't even figure out the common sense advice of eat less, get more exercise without the government forcing it on them. Parents don't parent, so "I'm from the government, and I'm here to tell you what to do."

LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: There's no limit to their duplicity. She doesn't even realize that if future soldier are fat enough, the bullets won't penetrate as deep. LOL

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, Somehow, I don't see Obama making that argument. I agree that obesity is a big problem for the country, but calling it a national security threat is ridiculous, it makes you wonder how serious they really are and how much they're just trying to sound important.

LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: It's the classic reductio ad absurdum. If everything's a national security crisis, then nothing's a national security crisis. The Obami wouldn't know a genuine national security crisis if it jumped up and bit them in the arse, and with China's economic saber-rattling and Iran's nuclear saber-rattling, they're about to find out what a real crisis is. The obese kids are just storing up fat for when their parents can't afford to buy food anymore.

HamiltonsGhost said...

I know that in my schools (a few decades back) we not only had the vending machines loaded with candy and soft drinks, but we even had a "snack shack" at our junior high. We all gleefully rushed to the machines and the shack at lunchtime for our "extras," but we didn't act like starving pigs, and obesity was a rarity. It might have something to do with conscientious parents who made sure we ate right instead of joining us for three Big Macs with fries and two shakes each. And we never had a Michelle Obama show up at our door to tell us what to do.

LawHawkSF said...

HamiltonsGhost: We had pretty much the same thing. The government was largely dominated by the first Kennedy dynasty, and they didn't show up at our doors with helpful hints and planned diets (that was mom's bailiwick). They just said "do what you do with vigor (much-parodied, but observed)" and Bobby got us all hooked on fifty-mile hikes. Sitting in front of a video screen playing "Grand Theft Auto" for eight hours a day while shoveling down junk food was not an option for us.

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

My mom used to say that war was coming when the majority of male children are born large. Could it be famine is coming since the children are getting fat? Just a thought.

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

She also maintained that a Large Food Budget keeps children healthy.

BevfromNYC said...

I agree with her and we need to get up and get out. We spent all day outside when we were kids. However, it is disturbing that she uses her own daughters. I read an article a few weeks ago (which I cannot find now) about how her youngest was getting a little porky and they put her on a diet. She's 8 years old. What does that say to little girls?

LawHawkSF said...

Joel: It's funny how those cycles of thought go around. When we had our first baby, the philosophy was "fat babies become fat adults." So my wife ate like a bird, and used special formula after our daughter was born. She was seven pounds even, and healthy, but stringy. That philosophy faded rapidly, and the next two were nourished pre- and post- birth using more of the eat what appeals to you, and don't scrimp philosophy. My son was ten pounds, nine ounces and my second daughter was nine pound ten ounces. All three are healthy adults, but only one has a weight problem--the youngest. Genetics certainly plays a major role, but proper diets and healthy exercise (no couch potatoism) is the key to normal weight in the vast majority of cases. Six of my eight grandkids were butterballs when born, and now look like star athletes.

I'm pretty sure I'd like your mom.

LawHawkSF said...

Bev: It's only common sense to eat right and exercise, but common sense is a trait sadly lacking right now. The incident with the second Obama girl was what triggered Michelle's rush to have the government run our lives and determine what we can eat. There's a big area of "normal" between rotund and heroin-chic. It shouldn't take a rocket scientist with government assistance and a society pediatrician to look at a kid and say "whoa, I'm cutting your food-fest off until you lose weight and get some exercise." Instead of "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you," I want to hear a lot more "I'm your parent, and I'm here to raise you."

CalFederalist said...

I think the biggest threat to national security is Michelle's husband. He's lean. He's fit. He's nuts.

LawHawkSF said...

CalFed: That about says it all. And why do we want thin people in the first place? Shakespeare didn't, and said of the conspirator/assassin of Julius Caesar: "Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look." If Cassius had been fat and jolly like Santa Claus he wouldn't have found murder necessary. In fact, he might not even have made it up the stairs at the forum. Is it thin, grumpy people who bring us all those wonderful Christmas gifts? No--it's a fattie.

Writer X said...

I have to agree with CalFederalist!

And why is it the more involved the federal government gets with kids and their nutrition, the fatter they get?

LawHawkSF said...

WriterX: It's all part of a fabric. More creature comforts, more self-esteem, more things, more government, more freebies, no effort. Whatever your problem, the government will fix it, and you don't have to lift a finger. Funny that nobody notices that the more socialist the country, the more starvation results. Maybe that's what Obama's up to. We'll all be thinner when there's no food to go around and no money to pay for it.

CalFederalist said...

WriterX: It's like the drug war. The more you tell kids what they can't do, the more they want to do it. It used to be just the "strict" parents who told them what not to do, but at least they were around to keep them from doing it. Now they're going to get a government hundreds or thousand of miles away telling them what they can't to do, and then disappear. Result: Gimme that veggie wrap, and six Big Macs to go with it.

LawHawkSF said...

WriterX and CalFed: The simple truth is that government can't impose enough restrictions and set enough rules to overcome the lack of will of parents to be parents. A generation ago, there was a book entitled: "When I say no, I feel guilty." Parents today are either afraid of losing their children's love, or afraid of their children, period. Michelle Obama admirably takes care of and watches over her kids, and apparently says "no" to them. Good for her, but she can't be the parent of every child in America. And either can the government.

NewBenAndMe said...

Well, my avatar doesn't work now that you had to drop Intense Debate, but I guess it's not the end of the world.

So, Michelle is going to watch our kids' diets, huh? She probably really wants them to eat "happy food" so we won't be a mean nation anymore.

LawHawkSF said...

NewBen: Sounds about right. Then she'll have the government agents pass out a special Kool-Aid.

HamiltonsGhost said...

Childhood obesity is probably not nearly the problem that is being made out of it. But it is a precursor to adult obesity, and that has really become a problem. Bad habits get worse with age.

LawHawkSF said...

HamiltonsGhost: I can only speak anecdotally, but I don't see that many fat kids or teenagers around town. What I do see is fat adults, obese adults, and the worst category of all, morbidly obese adults. I'm not talking just fat, I'm talking hippopotamus fat. I don't know how anyone could eat that much and that badly.

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