The Tesla--Caught In Its Own Coils?

Shown is the very sexy Tesla roadster. It is apparently stranded off Cape Cod for lack of an extension cord long enough to plug in and recharge. But damn, it looks so good. In fact I think it's the sexiest little car I've seen since before I wrapped my red Porsche 924 turbo around a welcoming oak tree 25 years ago.

But there seems to be trouble in Lotus Land (no, not that Lotus). BBC's great car show, Top Gear recently drove and reviewed the Tesla. The guys are hilarious, and they love their cars--especially sports cars. They are also unafraid to praise or pan a car, or specific items about that car. And surprisingly for Brits, they have no green weenie agenda, and will praise a gasoline-fueled car for its virtues without feeling it necessary to make comparable comments about a hybrid or pure electric vehicle. Remember their show about the Bugatti Veyron? If I remember correctly, the Veyron gets about 2 miles to the gallon and the sticker price starts at $1,705,000.00.

The Tesla Corporation (aka Teslobama Motors) unreservedly claimed that their car would get 200 miles on a charge. The boys at Top Gear drove the car the way any self-respecting sports car driver drives. Which is to say, they drove it hard. Tesla must have been using Grandma driving in a straight line on a clear highway at 40 mph. The boys got something more like 55 miles. I realized that means that if I drove that car from my mountain greenery home into Bakersfield (great curves and hairpin turns combined with uphill/downhill excitement), I would make it to the Caliente post office before I had to stop and call my daughter at work downtown to come and pick me up because I ran out of juice. But the car would look so sexy sitting in front of that 1890's style post office.

The upside is that I would merely have to hitch a ride back to the car the next day after it has charged for the necessary 16 hours. The boys at Top Gear simply recommend that you buy two Teslas so you can drive one while the other recharges. That's dry British wit for you. We taxpayers have already invested $500 million in subsidies for the development and marketing of the Tesla, which sells for a highly-affordable $100,000. Senator Barack Obama was one of the leaders in Congress who touted the advantages of this green oil-saver.

Obama and the green weenie gang are always yammering about "the poor" and occasionally "the middle class." Well I hate to tell Mr. Obama this, but even though we paid the taxes to build and market this little beauty, most of us will never be able to buy one. Guess who can. Answer: The rich. For them, the car won't really cost $100,000. There are massive tax deductions for purchasing an all-electric vehicle, from the lowly golf cart to the magnificent Tesla. The problem is that first you have to have the kind of income that would justify a $100,00 automobile that could then be deducted from your income taxes the following year. Everybody reading this article who can do that, raise your hand. I thought so.

The boys were very complimentary about the car. They loved its acceleration and handling. They found its relative silence a bit eerie, but got used to it quickly. And since they didn't have to drive the full 55 miles, they made that comment as a jocular side issue. They were fulsome in their praise of the car's appointments. And since they don't subscribe to the "eat the rich" philosophy, they were being ironic when they suggested buying two.

But like most rich feeders-at-the-public-trough, Tesla founder and lobbyist Elon Musk is entirely humorless. He also has nearly-unlimited funds for hiring ambulance-chasing lawyers (preferably chasing ambulances that can't travel more than 55 miles). So rather than take the whole thing good-naturedly, Musk went public with his fury. After calling the show's report "false," Musk went on to say: "The fundamental thing with Top Gear is that the show was about as authentic as a Milli Vanilli concert (he's showing his age), but the problem is most viewers don't know that." He also announced that the company would be suing the BBC and the producers of Top Gear. Lighten up, Musky boy.

Neither Top Gear nor the BBC has apologized and both are ready, willing and able to defend any lawsuit. The BBC specifically said "we stand by the program and will vigorously defend this claim." That will be no problem for Musk. When he loses every round in the trade libel suit (or whatever his grounds are), he can simply go to the Department of Justice and have Eric Holder file a suit based on denial of due process, or disparate impact, or denial of equal protection, or discrimination against Tesla's black employee, or something. To hell with the law, this is a matter of principle (or considering the amount of money Musk is making with the help of the American taxpayer, principal plus interest). I have an idea. Let's eat Elon Musk!