Getting Away From Mean Americans

Well, she's been home for a few days, time for Michelle Obama to go off into the wild blue yonder on the taxpayers dime and visit Africa. AP reports that the First Lady is ready to leave Americans who think of her only as the President's wife and head to exotic Africa where they consider her a queen in her own right.

Mrs. Obama's staff is saying that the current agenda is to spend the bulk of the time in Cape Town, South Africa and Gabarone, Botwsana. Quick! How many of you can find Botswana on a world map? How many of you have ever heard of Gabarone? How many of you think it is vitally important for the First Lady to make a mega-expensive trip to Africa while the federal government is wallowing in debt? The trip is scheduled for June 21 through June 26. I'd like to suggest that she just stay there, but how can you have a grand homecoming if you don't come home to announce the unbelievable success of the visit?

But you are forgetting that it's all for the children, the children. Not our children. Somebody else's children. But the trip will be on our children's money. Ostensibly, the purpose of the trip is to "encourage young people to get involved in their societies." Or as Hillary Clinton might put it, "get involved in your village." That's the ticket. "Democracy, democracy. I believe the children are the future. If you get involved, some day the leader of your country might be black, just like my husband." Uh, Michelle, you aren't in Stockholm, you're in Africa.

The spokesman, who insisted on anonymity until the White House makes the official announcement, added that Mrs. Obama's visit will highlight the success of Africa's many nations (which ones, Michelle?) as well as the historic connections between the American people and those who live on the African continent. He (or she) added that President Barack Hussein Obama's father was Kenyan. There are those who think that Obama himself is Kenyan, but that's another story entirely.

So Mrs. Obama wants to tighten the relationship between the sub-Saharan black population (90%) and America's black population (12%). Their experiences are so similar, after all. Well, at least they were a hundred years ago. Somebody forgot to tell Michelle that race is supposed to be unimportant. We are all members of the human race, or so they say. But it is important to relate. After all, where are you going to find more African-Americans than in America? Much like her husband's revelation that America is one of the largest Muslim nations in the world.

I'm quite certain that Michelle is also very concerned about nutrition in Africa. I would like to see the faces of those kids as they're being told that they should eat more brussels sprouts and arugula with their meals. She will also warn them of the evils of McDonald's Happy Meals which will cause them all to become obese, like Americans. Local Kid 1: "What are brussels sprouts?" Local Kid 2: "What is arugula?" Local Kid 3: "What's McDonald's?" Local Kid 4: "What's a meal?"

What difference does it make that this trip will cost megabucks? We can just borrow the money from China. What difference does it make that the trip will throw more pollutants into the air than the Normandy invasion? We can just trade carbon credits with Al Gore. And never lose sight of the fact that above all, this trip is for the children, the children.