Thursday, September 1, 2011

Obama versus the Republican Debate

My next article is up at Big Hollywood! Go take a look: (Linky, Linky)! (It's at the film site too.)

Place: America’s Living Room
Time: September 7, 2011


Joe Sixpack: What am I gonna watch on the old television. How about some news?

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Newsreader: ... said that giant lasers could be fired into the sky to cause it to rain Pandas.
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Joe Sixpack: Oh, the debate! This might be good.

M. Bachmann: I intend to pass a constitutional amendment to force gay people to stop being gay.
R. Paul: That’s ridiculous! Gay people have solid gold cores because of their gayness, which is why the Fed wants us to ban gay people, because we can melt them down to create a solid backing for our currency.
R. Perry: Y’all are crazier than skunk crap on a Camaro! What our country really needs is bzzz we should do the bidding of Goldman Sachs. Goldman Sachs are proud Americans.bzzz What in tarnation was that?
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Newsreader: ... and has dropped four atomic bombs on India in response
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Commercial: Are you limp where it counts?
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Joe Sixpack: Hey, the Obama speech. Huh, the whole House is empty except for Pelosi and Biden sitting up front.

Obama: I plan to uh, create uh, one billion jobs in the next five minutes. You will see, there’s nothing up my sleeve except uh, these uh, magic beads, given to me by my uncle in exchange for keeping him out of jail. . .
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N. Gingrich: Look, I'm trying to explain. It’s a simple plan. We build a giant brain in the Nevada desert. We feed the knowledge of the world into that brain. Then we ask it to. . .
R. Paul: Where is there a giant brain in the Constitution?!
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Geraldo: The search for Qaddafi continues tonight. My sources tell me he has locked himself inside a vault in Chicago and FOX has paid one million dollars for the combination.
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Obama: Now you will need these special glasses to see the jobs I’m going to create. . .
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M. Bloomberg: Apparently, sharks are planning to use flash mob techniques in the subways.
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J. Huntsman: What’s wrong with higher taxes?
R. Perry: What’s wrong with higher taxes?! Are you @#$%ing loco?! I’ll tell you what’s wrong with higher taxes. . . right after I beat some sense into you, RINO boy!
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Commercial: Do you feel like some product has hurt you? Call the help line now!
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Geraldo: I’m seeing a note. . . it could be from Qaddafi himself. It says 'Geraldo is a douc. . .' uh. . . it’s written in some sort of code. I can’t make the rest out.
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Obama: ... scheduled 15 more vacations at luxury resorts in this coming month, but they are all working vacations, so don’t listen to those who would oppose. . .
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R. Perry: ... crack How do you like that RINO boy?! crack
J. Huntsman: Ahhh! Oh dear God! crack Owwww! Please stop!
R. Perry: crack Heyll no!
J. Huntsman: Can’t we all just get along?
R. Perry: crack You oughtn't a said that.
J. Huntsman: Somebody help me!
R. Paul: I believe in non-intervention.
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Commercial: ... with side effects including unpleasant taste in clothes or friends, poor judgment in social interactions, diarrhea, death. . .
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A. Cooper: The crowd here is getting ugly as they wait impatiently for Obama’s staff to swap out the non-functioning TOTUS for a new one. It’s too bad too, because Obama was really hitting his stride, the crowd was getting into the speech.
J. Carville: In fact they waz, they waz so inta it, they threwed some panties on the stage.
A. Cooper: Yes, that happened when Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden started the wave.
J. Carville: Thas right, and we uh ain’t shuwr whose they is. But thith, thith is cleauhly, the greatest uh, speeeech of uh, owl time.
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J. Huntsman: //lies silently on stage
M. Romney: You might as well finish him off. . . put him out of his misery.
R. Perry: Don’t tell me what to do healthcare boy!
J. Huntsman: help... somebody call 911...
R. Perry: //draws gun
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A. Cooper: They have just tear gassed the crowd. And by “crowd” I really mean Nancy Pelosi who started climbing up on the podium after she stripped off all of her clothes, apparently upset at the delay. . .
J. Carville: Ith like sumtin right outta tha ape moovae.
A. Cooper: The Secret Service now has her surrounded, but she has reached for a handful of feces. . . it appears to be Biden's feces.
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S. Norville: That’s right Scooby Doo, let’s get outta here before those phantoms come back this way!

Joe Sixpack: Finally, something worth watching.

24 comments:

LawHawkRFD said...

Damn! I need to set my TiVo to record.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, Fortunately, they moved the speech.... right into conflict with the NFL's opening game.

Obama is now asking NBC/NFL to move the game! Good luck.

This was Obama's attempt to play hardball with the Republicans and they turned it on him something fierce!

T-Rav said...

gasp...Okay, excuse me for a few minutes while I collect myself.

AndrewPrice said...

Hmm. I seem to have injured T-Rav!

... breath buddy!

LawHawkRFD said...

Somebody on Fox last night was commenting on Jay Carney's denial that the original plan had been to disrupt the debate. The comment was "whatever they're paying this guy, it isn't enough for telling that kind of bald-faced lie." Now if the NFL has Boehner's guts, NOBODY will be watching the speech on TV.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, It must be a horrible job to be paid to go stand before the press and just tell blatantly obvious lies. Of course, maybe Carney has no conscience?

If the NFL sticks to it's guns, it's going to blow Obama away in the ratings. Who in their right mind will be watching the speech?


(Apparently, I have now killed T-Rav. Was it something I said?)

CrispyRice said...

O.M.G. Funniest thing I've read all week, Andrew! Clearly, I need to come to your house to watch TV. Mine is never this interesting. ;)

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Crispy... I call 'em like I see 'em. :-)

T-Rav said...

Andrew, that was pretty freakin' funny. :-) I especially liked the Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich characterizations.

Hmm...I don't exactly see that Packers-Saints game being moved. But then, it's NBC, so who knows.

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, I enjoyed writing it. I figured we needed some humor around here as the long weekend nears!

I liked the Newt thing too and I personally enjoyed the image of Perry (aka "Yosemite Sam") beating the crud out of Huntsman.

I have no idea where the Pelosi Planet of the Apes image came from, but that will happen sometimes when you let your mind wander. :-)

On NBC, they would be fools to move the game. Not only would that infuriate 200 million sports fans, but they have a chance to make ratings history here.

P.S. Several people are calling Boehner's refusal to "host" Obama on the 7th "an historic repudiation of a sitting President." LOL! Good.

T-Rav said...

Andrew, did you see that Mediaite's Tommy Christopher apparently said that Boehner's refusal of the Wednesday date was so disrespectful of the President that he needed to resign?! I think these people are actually losing brain cells as the election gets closer. Either that, or they know their only option is to go totally unhinged.

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, I agree, it was such an insult that Obama should resign in protest! ;-)

Yeah, they've lost their minds. But that's nothing new. When the left is staring at a huge defeat, they get really ugly. They are the original "turn of the table" types.

Ed said...

Andrew, My tv isn't anywhere near as exciting! We should all come to your house to watch the debate!

AndrewPrice said...

Ed, I get satellite, so maybe my content is different? ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

Update: Obama is now moving the speech to 7:00 PM EST... to avoid the football game. I guess NBC decided not to cave in.

And apparently, the White House is "furious." What a shame.

Tennessee Jed said...

a very funny article although not quite as Double Vision. I think that guy really was envious that you were writing articles at BH. He is addicted to getting the last word in.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Jed! If we can't laugh at our politicians, who can we laugh at?

On double... yeah. There are some people over there who are trolls who try to stop the conversation. They are annoying, but are easy to deal with. Then there are people who just simply want to be right and that means proving that you are wrong -- and always tyring to be insulting. That's this guy. They just pound away with massive amounts of illogic and nonsense, always daring you to prove them wrong. The problem is they haven't said anything that can be proven or not -- they're just spewing nonsense.

Frankly, I couldn't even make heads or tales of half of what he was trying to say except that he kept insisting I was wrong. As near as I can tell, his only point is that you need a big audience to make money. He seems to think that is the missing link somehow to everything.

Of course, the independents have proven that wrong and it really misses the point of what I was talking about anyway.

But now he's running around telling everyone "if we follow Andrew's advice then BH will hate films." Uh? Huh?

StanH said...

That was funny. But, it’s common knowledge about gays golden core.

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, I wasn't aware of that?! LOL!

T-Rav said...

Ack. I got distracted by other stuff today, so I haven't visited the site since this morning. I had to go back and find out what you guys were talking about. So...yeah. Anyone who's going to get into such a snit on a topic like that (not to say it isn't important, but c'mon, we're just talking movies here) and with such a profile as his is likely to beat Geraldo in terms of being a douc...um, wait, this is still in code...

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, LOL! Yeah, it's still in code! ;-)

One of the problems over there is that people often fly off the handle. They get upset about a word they don't like or a photo or some minor aside in the article or you mentioned their favorite film in a less than flattering way and they rush straight to the comments and go into combat mode.

It makes it very hard to have a decent conversation over there. That's one of the things I love about our audience here -- you all are very good at discussing your points and our disagreements never turn nasty.

AndrewPrice said...

"don't be a tool about it" -- LOL!

Koshcat said...

Holy crap. I nearly peed my pants.

AndrewPrice said...

Koshcat, Things can get a little carried away around here once in a while. LOL!

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