Wednesday, February 22, 2012

T-Rav's Sockpuppet Theater Presents: Desperation In The Desert

Somebody scheduled a debate tonight in Arizona on CNN (8:00 EST). Will Mitt Romney declare himself "extensively conservatived"? How far will Newt go to make himself relevant? Will he chew off the moderator's leg? Will Ricky be raptured by the man from Mars or will Satan get him first? Come witness the end of the conservative movement!


While we wait for the debate, riddle me this: what's your favorite song from the 1960s?

Also, while we wait, check out today's Politics of Trek article! Romulans! (LINK)

296 comments:

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BevfromNYC said...

Dear God,

Please save us.

Your friend,
BevfronNYC

TJ said...

Yeah - what Bev said!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, It's going to take more than God to save us. I think we should cut the deal with Satan.

AndrewPrice said...

TJ and Bev, I'm not normally one for banning free speech, but maybe it's time we admit as a people that we can no longer afford to let candidates debate over and over and over and over.

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew and TJ:
I admitted THAT after the 1st what seems like 100000000000000000 debates this season. The number of debates must be at least the same as our national debt by now! Make them stop or at least say something like...well anything useful at all.

tryanmax said...

"In My Life" The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)

BevfromNYC said...

I will make a pact with the Devil if he will make them shut up, give us a viable candidate, and/or make Santorum go away. Choose one. He is embarrassing me. My soul is for sale right now.

AndrewPrice said...

Embarrassing us is only the start of the problem. He's basically ruining the conservative brand. Ricky is or version of Nancy Pelosi.

Satan said...

Leave me out of this. You people made your own mess. I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot sulfur cattle prod.


Also, "Sympathy For the Devil." Just because.

Joel Farnham said...

Rick Santorum isn't ruining the brand, it is the conservatives who are buying into Rick's ideas. And let's face it, there is a strong Puritanical component in this nation. I like to think of them as the "Carrie Nations" of this country.

AndrewPrice said...

Great. Even the Devil won't help us. Now what? Maybe the Hindus have someone who can help us?


In other news, Obama wants to lower the corporate tax rate to 28%.... the same rate Ricky wants.

AndrewPrice said...

Good point Joel. Santorum would be nothing more than a hateful be-sweatered weirdo if people weren't supporting him.

Unfortunately, because they are supporting him, they are doing immense damage because they are confirming all the old nasty stereotypes. It's no coincidence that Obama's approval ratings are rising the more Ricky opens his mouth.

BevfromNYC said...

Oh, and Jay Carney said that Obama didn't reject the Keystone XL Pipeline after all. It was the Repubs in Congress who forced him to make a decision before the pipeline was fully vetted by everyone on Earth. (Okay, I added that last part).

I believe everyone in the WH pressroom went "Huh?"

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, That makes total sense, assuming by "total sense" we really mean "huh?"


BTW, here's a pretty funny little joke put together at Rick Santorum's expense: enjoy (LINK)

T-Rav said...

Someone's already made the joke, I see; and I wouldn't call it my favorite '60s song necessarily, but it just seems appropriate. For multiple reasons.

LINK

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, That's a good one.

There's a lot of great stuff from the 60s, but I would probably go with "Southern Cross" by Crosby, Stills & Nash.

rlaWTX said...

Oh boy! Another debate! Woohoo! Fun!!

oh, and y'all enjoy cuz I'll be in class - and I am just sooooo torn up about that, lemme tell ya...


Last Kiss, J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers [the Pearl Jam version is anathema and perversion]; Where Have All the Flowers Gone?; Soldier, Soldier, Would You Marry Me? -- songs may parents sang in the car during car trips... (missing dad today)

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, Excellent excuse for skipping the debate! This is going to be painful.

T-Rav said...

I'm going to be going to an Ash Wednesday service very soon (because that's how I roll), but should be back right about the time the debate starts. You shall have your sockpuppet entertainment, I assure you.

In the meantime, here are my pre-debate predictions.

1. We will hear a lot about contraception and why Santorum hates women and why Santorum thinks Satan has corrupted America.

2. Newt will stick to his promise not to go negative for about 20 minutes, then switch to his default "scorched-earth" setting.

3. Romney will cast about for a better adjective than "severely" to describe what kind of conservative he is, like "outrageously" or "fanatically."

4. Ron Paul will switch places with a gnome halfway through, and no one will notice.

5. John King will play another riveting round of "This or That?"

6. I will be Googling "Morphine Overdose."

tryanmax said...

I, for one, am curious what kind of a spectacle Newt will make of himself tonight. Plus, I'm already fighting a stomach bug, so nothing can make me any sicker.

LawHawkRFD said...

My favorite song from the Sixties: Light My Fire. And somebody better light a fire under these candidates before Obama walks to the finish line without even getting winded.

AndrewPrice said...

Have fun T-Rav! We'll keep a dozen seats open for ya! :)

I can't disagree with any of your predictions.

I think the interesting guy to watch tonight will be Newt. He needs to really show tremendous fire if he wants to be made relevant again and he needs to aim it as Santorum. Otherwise, he's done and this becomes a Romney v. Santorum race, with Santorum probably winning the nomination and people like me voting for a Democrat for the first time in my life. :(

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, He's creeping up in the polls because the Republicans have gone off the tracks.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, I recommend two debates followed by T-Rav's morphine overdose. That should create enough pain to mask all other pains.

tryanmax said...

BTW, is there a feed for tonight?

tryanmax said...

Nevermind, Found it!

AndrewPrice said...

Just found it myself. They certainly hid it though.

Individualist said...

OK

Riddle me this.....

Have we ever had a primary season where we have had this many debates. Honestly, I am beginning to think the point of this is so that liberal media can trudge them out and try to start controversy as noted by Stephanoplis ridiculous question to Romney about banning contraception.

" uh Mitt... Obama is going to force the Catholic Church to pay for abortions soon and we like to know would how would you ban contraception if you had to ....
Please give us an answer so that when the bishops and cardinals start complaining we can play sound bites and scare 20 somethings back into the voting booth by making them think they will have to be responsible for their sexual excesses...."

Shiva, the destroyer of worlds..... said...

Hey

Someone tell these candidates that what they are doing is my job ....

We Hindu Deities got a union you know......

AndrewPrice said...

Indi, That's a good question and I honestly don't ever recall this many debates. In the past, I recall maybe 3-5 total?

I think the MSM is doing it for ratings, because this bring more ratings than a regular telecast, and because it helps the cause to have Republicans fighting with each other.

AndrewPrice said...

Hindu Gods have a union? Who knew?

tryanmax said...

Indie, I have disagreed all along that this debate process has made better candidates and strengthened the party, and you sum up well why I think as I do. As to the party, it only plays into the meme that the GOP is too divided. As to the candidates, it only hones the strengths they already have, so while the truly conservative candidate becomes more solid in their conservatism, the liars and obfuscators become better at those things.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, That's true. It does give publicity, but it gives the worst kinds of publicity.

And in terms of sharpening skills, 3-4 debates would be enough along with maybe un-taped state by state speaking engagements.

tryanmax said...

LOL! I'm just reading CNN's lead article. It's pathetic how they promote these debates. It's the last debate before ______! Fill in blank with any upcoming event.

Soon, we should be looking for "The last debate before the season finale of American Idol!"

Joel Farnham said...

What really annoys me about these debates is the game show aspect of them.

T-Rav said...

Hey, made it back! With a few minutes to spare, even....

T-Rav said...

So here's a question to be pondering for the next three and a half years: After this farce of a primary season, will the GOP learn not to let the MSM run the debates next time? (Probably not.)

James Earl Jones said...

Why am I still working for these guys?

CNN said...

Hey, wasn't there also a little thing called Fast and Furious that happened here once? What was that all about? Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum....

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, I'll take Paul for $200.

Mitt Romney said...

God, I'm getting tired of this crap.

Joel Farnham said...

Judging from the applause alone, Romney wins.

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, Republicans learn nothing. That's how the party rolls.

AndrewPrice said...

Hmmmm Obama hmmm Obama hmm hmm Obama.

T-Rav said...

Clearly picking favorites over those Univ. of AZ jerks.

T-Rav said...

Joel, keep in mind it is Arizona. The Mountain West is Romney's stronghold. (And all the blue states.)

John King said...

High, I'm Jon King... I hate conservatives.

T-Rav said...

Diamondbacks suck. There, I said it.

Rick Santorum said...

Oh, you said keep it short?

T-Rav said...

B+ in deportment.
D- in following directions.

Newt said...

I'm Newt Gingrich and I want to move to the moon.

tryanmax said...

I must be on some delay.

AndrewPrice said...

Huh? What is Rick talking about?

T-Rav said...

Isn't it illegal to make the American flag into an article of clothing?

AndrewPrice said...

Rick has experience in cutting entitlement spending??????????

He PASSED a $797 billion entitlement!

T-Rav said...

Are you morons on a delay, or did I time travel 45 seconds into the future?

AndrewPrice said...

So Rick is basically making this up as he goes.

AndrewPrice said...

He just smacked the Paul Ryan plan. F-- you Rick!!!!

T-Rav said...

You best not be attacking Paul Ryan, bucko.

tryanmax said...

Oh, there goes Mitt, negative again. /sarc

CNN Journalists said...

Hello, O Great One? Romney and Santorum are going after each other like dogs. Phase One is working!

Joel Farnham said...

Sounds good, but doesn't the budget start with the House?

AndrewPrice said...

Bravo! Romney, good plan.

AndrewPrice said...

Did anyone just notice what King did?

He asked Romney about Santorum and then went back to Santorum on the basis that Romney talked about him.

What kind of crap is that?

tryanmax said...

Joel, it actually starts with a budget request from the President

T-Rav said...

Senators raise taxes? I learned something new today.

tryanmax said...

Andrew, the bull variety, I believe.

AndrewPrice said...

So now King is asking Gingrich to attack Romney?

Rick Santorum said...

Joke's on you! I haven't been in Washington for over five years!....after I, er, got blown out.

tryanmax said...

Mitt seems very commanding tonight. I wonder how the talkers will spin that against him...

AndrewPrice said...

Newt is not on his game today. He looks tired and indifferent.

tryanmax said...

Is Newt conducting a seance?

Barack Obama said...

But, but, oil is evil!

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, They'll call him a cultist bully.

Joel Farnham said...

Get the government to stop trying to regulate everything. That is the best jobs policy.

AndrewPrice said...

BIG THUMBS UP FOR RON PAUL!!!

T-Rav said...

Why do we have to go to the hobgoblin?

Ron Paul said...

Matter of fact, I never voted for anything!

AndrewPrice said...

Paul just depantsed Santorum!

tryanmax said...

I hate that smile of Ricky's.

T-Rav said...

New rule: Every time a congressman says they were a "leader," drink.

Joel Farnham said...

Ron Paul is great for running down Santorum.

T-Rav said...

Another blogger noted that Santorum was the Weekly Standard's main Senate contact during the Bush years. So....

AndrewPrice said...

Here comes the severely conservative "issues"...

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, That doesn't surprise me because The Weekly Standard article is not consistent with history.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, Paul is a tarbaby and anybody who fights with him is making a mistake.

T-Rav said...

If Massachusetts was a "relatively" liberal state, I live in a right-wing theocracy.

tryanmax said...

I don't think they expected him to be prepared for this question. Oops.

tryanmax said...

Thought: why doesn't Ricky have ashes on his head?

Joel Farnham said...

Newt sounds defeated.

T-Rav said...

While that's all true, the Diocese of Boston did have to abandon its adoption program, if I heard correctly.

AndrewPrice said...

What is Newt talking about?

T-Rav said...

tryanmax, good point. I have ashes on my head, and I'm not even Catholic. I read he had some on earlier today, though.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, I'm frankly confused by Newt tonight. Maybe he should go negative again because this isn't working.

Newt Gingrich said...

And also build a base on the moon!

John McCain said...

"Good earmarks and bad earmarks"? C'mon, man. Even I got that one right.

AndrewPrice said...

The V-22 Osprey is a disaster.

AndrewPrice said...

It should have been killed.

Dick Cheney was right you asshole.

T-Rav said...

This is why you shouldn't resort to liberal talking points.

Dick Cheney said...

You calling me out, boy? I'll cut you.

Rick Santorum said...

Here's my position on earmarks:

1. Everybody did it, so it was cool.

2. But it was abuse and I opposed it, but I support it.

3. Now I'm glad I was in favor it, but I'm opposed to it because I never liked it except when I did.

T-Rav said...

The crowd is really not working for Santorum right now. That answer to earmarks was pretty deadly.

AndrewPrice said...

Rick is on very dangerous ground here.

Romney should not have brought Newt into this.

AndrewPrice said...

Smearing Paul.... stupid.

T-Rav said...

Yeah, I think you were kind of criticizing. Or making a cheap shot. One of the two.

Pharmacist said...

Who just ordered 15 liters of morphine?!

AndrewPrice said...

I honestly don't understand Paul's answer. I must be slow tonight.

International Olympic Committee said...

Sooooo...this means we get unlimited funding from now on, right?

tryanmax said...

Always about the "wars we shouldn't be fighting" isn't it?

Joel Farnham said...

Too many congress people in this debate. Not enough governors.

tryanmax said...

What a truly sad question.

T-Rav said...

Who's to blame for this cluster@&#$, the candidates, the moderators, or the audiences? Discuss.

AndrewPrice said...

"On principle I opposed." Why does that sound like a lie?

AndrewPrice said...

So Rick doesn't believe in class warfare, except when it's bankers versus workers.

Rick Santorum said...

Are you listening, Michigan people? Romney doesn't love you.

tryanmax said...

Ricky: Facts? Drat!

AndrewPrice said...

Rick's shaking his head, but that's absolutely true.

T-Rav said...

I didn't know John King was also a primary candidate.

tryanmax said...

Here's the thing, darn near everyone was taken in by TARP, and lots of people have come to regard it as a mistake.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, That's true.

AndrewPrice said...

Newt scores!

T-Rav said...

I might care about this part of the debate if I thought any of these jokers might actually govern as small-government Republicans.

tryanmax said...

Wow, I am on like a 2 minute delay.

AndrewPrice said...

Rick is now shaking his head that he agrees with Romney and Mitt... when he took the exact opposite approach a moment ago. Asshole.

T-Rav said...

Wait, did I just hear an accurate answer?

Joel Farnham said...

I think Newt is angling for the Vice-Presidency.

tryanmax said...

Smug. That is the word for the way Ricky comports himself. Smug.

AndrewPrice said...

I really want to smack Rick right now. He's nodding his head every time the crowd applaud even though it's always the exact opposite of what he just said.

T-Rav said...

Forty-two minutes of hell down, seventy-odd minutes to go.

Dr. Bunsen said...

Oh, Beeker!

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks for the pick-me up T-Rav. :(

Branch Davidians said...

Seriously, guys. Let us rest in peace.

T-Rav said...

Poll inside my head:

Romney 12%
Santorum 10%
Newt 6%
Paul 4%
Zombie Apocalypse 68%

T-Rav said...

Thank God, SOMEBODY brought it up!

AndrewPrice said...

The extremist is Santorum.

AndrewPrice said...

I voted for Zombie Apocalypse.

CNN said...

Oh, God, we gave them a question they can all unite on! Barack is going to be so mad at us!!!

Joel Farnham said...

The really good thing about these debates is questioning the questioners.

Robot Overlords said...

We're suing because we didn't get on the ballot.

T-Rav said...

There's nothing wrong talking about these issues in and of themselves. They are very serious and need attention. Just don't make that your answer to every question.

AndrewPrice said...

There is no bigger problem at stake in American than the economic collapse.

tryanmax said...

Have to call a spade a spade, but "dangers" of contraception is only in sarc quotes to make Ricky seem more crazy.

AndrewPrice said...

Bullshit Rick, you absolutely want the government to fix it. In fact, your plan has a HUGE line item "to promote families" in the HHS budget.

Black Hole said...

Interested in a joint suit, Robots?

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, The reason he mentioned "dangers of contraception" is because that's Santorum's own quote.

The Mayans said...

No suit needed, guys. We've got this covered.

T-Rav said...

CNN's not even pretending to be objective anymore.

tryanmax said...

Andrew, I get that, I was just referring to the graphics putting only the word "dangers" in quotes.

The Reverend Al Sharpton said...

Why does it have to be a "black" hole? What are you trying to say there?

tryanmax said...

Hey, Al, resist we much, eh?

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, That's because they don't want people thinking they came up with that word, which is frankly stupid in that context.

AndrewPrice said...

Nice Newt sucks.

Tam said...

Did you see the look Mitt shot Newt? Ouch.

AndrewPrice said...

Tam, That's because he just repeated something he knows is not true.

AndrewPrice said...

Paul slams Ricky on Ricky's hypocrisy again....

The Pill said...

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name

The Reverend Al Sharpton said...

Yes tyrnamax, and we much....about that.

AndrewPrice said...

Rick's logic:

1. Abortion is murder.

2. I voted to support abortion because I wanted other things.

3. To make up for it, I spent other money.

4. Hence, I did not support murder.

Ron Paul! said...

The Federal Reserve might be involved in it!

tryanmax said...

Santorum: I'm so principled, I'll vote for things I don't like just to get what I do like.

T-Rav said...

I don't think you made anything clear, Rick. Shoot me.

AndrewPrice said...

More Rick logic:

1. I opposed it.

2. But I voted for it because I never supported it and I would have voted against it.

Tam said...

Is it just me, or is Ricky the WonderBoy stumbling tonight? (pleaseohplease)

tryanmax said...

Mitt to Ricky - you might want to pull up your pants.

Iran said...

Sure am glad these guys forgot all about us.

tryanmax said...

And if I say that a chicken is the model for a 747, does that make it true?

Gasoline Prices said...

Tell us about it!

tryanmax said...

POW!

T-Rav said...

tryanmax, a chicken is the model for a 747. Weren't you aware?

AndrewPrice said...

Tam, Rick is absolutely being exposed as a hypocrite and a liar... if his fans are listening.

T-Rav said...

OWWWWWWW

AndrewPrice said...

Romeny DESTROYS RICK!!!

tryanmax said...

My favorite is 70 pages vs. 2000 pages. Makes the case that RomneyCare = ObamaCare a little difficult.

T-Rav said...

Where the @%$& is that morphine? I thought the pharmacy delivered.

AndrewPrice said...

What kind of fantasy world is Rick in?

T-Rav said...

Wait, are we defending Arlen Specter over a Tea Partier now? Huh? What?

Tam said...

Ricky sounds a hell of a lot like a democrat right now.

Rick Santorum said...

When I get in trouble, I totally double-down.

AndrewPrice said...

Tam, He's a little further left than the Democrats.

T-Rav said...

Fast and Furious
Fast and Furious
Fast and Furious
Fast and Furious
Fast and Furious

tryanmax said...

This should be an easy question. Let's watch them screw it up.

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, Supporting Specter is inexcusable and Ricky's defense was crap. But King cut Romney off right as Romney was about to ask why Ricky supported Spectre for President.

Vin Diesel said...

I didn't know so many conservatives were fans of my movies!

AndrewPrice said...

"None of the illegal aliens cared about wetlands policy" -- very nice.

Newt said...

I plan to build a cannon to send illegals home very quickly.

T-Rav said...

Go Arpaio!

Barack Hussein Obama said...

Pffft. E-Verify is for racists.

AndrewPrice said...

Rick has always opposed eVerify... until the last debate.

T-Rav said...

Nail them, too!

AndrewPrice said...

Unsneezable.

T-Rav said...

You know what? Screw what I said earlier about not enough experience, get Rubio to make a late entry.

T-Rav said...

Just imagine, it's a choice between one of them and Obama. Oh God--(runs to bathroom)

AndrewPrice said...

Define yourself using one word?

Newt: God
Santorum: Jesus
Romney: Severe
Paul: Fed-killer

CNN Journalists said...

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy these bland, boring commercials as we phone in to the White House for our additional talking points.

tryanmax said...

T-Rav, I can't tell if the nausea I'm feeling is from the candidates or from the stomach bug I've been fighting. Small favors, I suppose.

tryanmax said...

All Commentaramans, define yourselves in one word.

T-Rav said...

Andrew, does that make Santorum Newt's son? That....explains a lot, actually.

tryanmax said...

"Bespectacled"

T-Rav said...

Cat-murderer

Tam said...

Bitter-clinger (I hyphenated it so it's one word)

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