Thursday, April 26, 2012

No Pulitzer For Commentarama--Again

For the third year in a row the brilliant publishers, editors, staff and commentators at Commentarama were denied the prize we so richly deserve. We didn't get it the first year because we were just starting up and they had no record to base the prize on (although that didn't keep Barack Obama from getting a Nobel Prize). What's their excuse this time?

Readers: I want you to throw your windows open, lean out, and shout "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore." Obama and the Nutsocrats are always talking about fairness, but where's the fairness in denying us our prize? Did they give the prize to a traditional newspaper? Did they give it to a respected writer? Did they give it to Andrew Price for his seminal novel? Nope! They went out of their way to insult us.

Admittedly, we have never had one of our writers classified as a journalist so he or she could get handed an opportunity to ask B-Ho a question at a presidential press conference. But I did write a column for my high school newspaper, so I certainly have the chops (even if that was in 1962). And shouldn't that stream of angry letters to the editor I wrote to the San Francisco Chronicle count for something? We are serious journalists here, folks. But none of that matters. In order to make sure we understood this slap in the face, they gave the bloody Pulitzer to (God help us all) The Huffington Post.

Unlike HuffPo editor and publisher Arianna Huffington, I didn't flash my chest, marry money, pretend to be a conservative, divorce money, and become a born-again left wing radical. Nor did my ex-wife announce that after being married to me, she would henceforth prefer her own sex. Check her last name. It's her married name. She probably kept her ex-husband's name because StassinopoulosPo didn't have the same ring to it as HuffPo.

Our writers and contributors have genuine talent and experience in politics and business. Arianna hires has-been actors with a couple of screws loose, like Steven Weber. Her featured articles don't have the depth or gravitas to match ours. When was the last time Commentarama had a feature article entitled "Miley Cyrus Shows Her Legs Off" or "Kim Kardasian Kanye West Earrings: Reality Star Sports KW Initial Jewelry?" C'mon. Tell me. When?

The prize was given to the DailyKos Lite based on the report of (I can hardly write this) "senior military correspondent" David Wood. Wood has been writing repetitive and tough as jello articles for the HuffPo for about a year now. He writes in-depth articles about the sun rising in the morning and rat poison not being a good basic diet. But this time he wrote an article that you might actually be able to agree with, sort of. His prize-winner concerned the struggles of veterans and their families. I guess nobody has ever written on that topic before (except for thousands of articles in the past decade). In fact, Commentarama has written articles about veterans, their families and the wounded warriors. And unlike the HuffPo, we actually like those people.

I happen to agree with author Rem Rieder who said: "I think it's very healthy to see the Pulitzers have moved, albeit slowly, from a solely print focus. The world has changed dramatically. There's an awful lot of exciting developments with digital news operations." News? At the HuffPo? They write opinion disguised as news, where Commentarama writes opinion as, well, opinion. And in fact as for news, we've scooped the bigs a few times.

So in conclusion, Prize Committee Members, if you want to stay healthy, don't try snubbing Commentarama again at 2013's Pulitzer deliberations. Next year, I expect to be able to use the honorific "Pulitzer Prize-Winning Author, LawHawkRFD. Ditto for Andrew Price and BevfromNYC, the BoilerRoomElves and all our contributors. Be warned, Pulitzer Committee, be warned.

32 comments:

LL said...

I think that perhaps a Nobel Peace Prize would be in your future?

K said...

Prizes, like the Walther Duranty, uh, I mean Pulitzer were created for the sole purpose of encouraging great journalism - meaning good left wing journalism. Of course, you can't just let that slip out or the prize would quickly become ridiculous on its face, so you occasionally give the prize to some hapless and mainly ineffectual conservative. So keep hoping.

The answer, of course, is for someone wise, important and rich with good PR connections to create a prize for you to win. While I am none of these things, I can still confer upon you the "Josef K Prize for Disputatious Discussion on a Political/Movie Blog".

Congratulations!!

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

You was robbed. How dare they!

Libertarian Advocate said...

Oh well Josef K beat me to it....

Still, at least as I see it, there's substantial value in not being awarded a Pulitzer given the schlock jornolism (spelling error intended) the prize committee has honored in the past. At least they don't hold you in as high regard as they did Walter Duranty.

T-Rav said...

I turned to the window and yelled, "It's my money, and I need it now!" Is that close enough? ;-)

StanH said...

Hawk, you should send in the elves, those little bastards can be convincing. You haven’t been shookdown (sic) until you’ve experienced an elfin shakedown. I’ll never forget early on with Commentarama when you guys imposed a chat tax. I was looking out into my garden, through my office window when I noticed my gnome was flipping me off, I knew something was amiss. Startled, I made my way to the front door, once there I saw nothing, when I felt a sudden pressure on my foot and heard a, thunk! …they drove a pike through my brand new loafer. Looking down there were the elves with matches, rope, and a real small power drill, when the lead elf demanded, “Lawhawk, and Andrew said pay up a$$hole!” To which I promptly replied, “what the hell are you talking about? And what about my shoe?” pointing down at the pike and the hole in my shoe, just missing my toes. The lead elf looked up, and with his squeaky but firm voice again demanded, “the .99 cent chat tax, StanH!!” Aghast, but quickly realizing that if I didn’t pay this extort…I mean tax, I may find myself tied down in the garden and have some fun with matches, rope and a drill. When I took my wallet out, I had a hundred dollar bill, a few twenties, but not a dollar bill, when I heard that menacing squeaky voice demand, “ The C-note will do just fine.” In a hurried chain of thought, I just decided to hand over the $100 dollar bill, at which time I felt the pike being removed from the tip of my brand new loafer, and those little bastards quickly exited saying, “see you later sucker!” Standing there holding my wallet, with a hole in my shoe, I realized I had experienced an elfin shakedown. You want The Pulitzer Hawk, send in the elves, and the prize will be yours.

tryanmax said...

I'm sorry. There must have been a mix-up. I thought you ordered the Pullet Surprise.

AndrewPrice said...

Wait a minute, we have editors? When did this happen?

Anyway, a true outrage us not getting the award again. Maybe we should write like liberals. Idiocy seems to work.

T-Rav said...

Stan, I don't have to worry about elvin ambushes anymore, and neither should you. Two words: land mines.

Writer X said...

Simply write a story about a Marine who's questioning his sex and his military service and I'm sure you'll win big next year. Hint: Use lots of adverbs and anonymous sources.

patti said...

it hurts that you weren't even on the short list. bastards.

StanH said...

Very true T-Rav, but you must remember these elves work for two lawyers aka bloodsuckers (I mean that in a loving way…ha) these elves are fearless They live in fear of the dreaded Hawk’s and Andrew’s revenge, they threaten to put the cookie factory into receivership, by bombarding the elves legal firm of Happy & Grumpy with incessant interrogatories, and frivolous demands, jacking legal cost to the stratosphere, forcing a sell of the factory on the courthouse steps. I know your aversion to cats, or is it just kittens? …they gives the little bastards…I mean elves a run for their money, before they get at mine. Just a thought!

LawHawkRFD said...

LL: That would be novel. I've been accused of many things in my life, but being peaceful was rarely one of them. LOL

LawHawkRFD said...

K: The New York Times has taught us a great deal. For one thing, once we get the prize, and then it turns out that the report that clinched it was a complete lie, we ain't giving the prize back. Of course our reports sound more like Jimmy Durante than Walter Duranty.

LawHawkRFD said...

Joel: In the words of our liberal friends, "they just don't get it." But they will (he says in a sinister tone).

LawHawkRFD said...

Libertarian Advocate: We're not going to die just so they can give us the prize posthumously. We can't even rely on the old adage that one ought not to speak ill of the dead. The fix is in, but we're going to expose them!

BevfromNYC said...

Ooooh, whoopsey - did I not tell you? The Pulitzer committee emailed me and offered to give us a prize, but I turned them down. I thought youse guys wouldn't want the publiity or the prize money. Money is so...common. Was I wrong?

Here is a copy of the email -

Dear Potental Poolitser Winner -
You have been chosen to receive a Poolitzer Prize worth many millions of dollars. If you whish to claim your prize for outstanding Poolitzer quality jurnalisem and collect $50,000,000,000 and a beautiful full colour certificate, please clik on this link now.

Waiting to here back,
Poolitzer prize Committee
Abujz, Nigeria

LawHawkRFD said...

Stan: We were a bit more thuggish in those days. We've since learned subtlety and nuance, just like the big boys. We engage only in civil discourse these days, as requested by our Dear Leader Barack. Now I just hope the bastards at the Pulitzer Committee are listening, or we'll have to put a hit out on them (and we're giving the Boiler Room Elves a raise, just for safety's sake).

LawHawkRFD said...

Andrew: Weave all ways had editerz. U jest havunt bean uzing them. Thats Y my wurk haz all ways bin prefect.

LawHawkRFD said...

tryanmax: Are you calling me a chicken Hawk? And if that's what they're serving at the awards dinner, I'm not showing up.

LawHawkRFD said...

WriterX: Actually, I already have that article in progress. Only the Marine is a she. I'll be using adverbs liberally, and rather than anonymous sources, I'm planning on just using fake names.

tryanmax said...

LawHawk, Aaahhh! I can't believe you didn't ask what the surprise is!

LawHawkRFD said...

Bev: Damn. I got the same e-mail, but I treated it as a hoax. Now you tell me it was real, and you turned it down on our behalf. I think we need to call a board meeting (we'll even let the BREs sit in on it). Nothing worse than a great opportunity missed.

LawHawkRFD said...

Patti: Andrew and I are both quite tall, which explains why we didn't make that list.

LawHawkRFD said...

tryanmax: You mean that disgusting-looking mess isn't the surprise? I just don't think they pullet off.

LawHawkRFD said...

T-Rav: Close enough. And did you do it to the tune of the J. G. Wentworth opera?

Tennessee Jed said...

maybe you should have titled an article "dreams of my --" (fill in the blank).
Seriously, I wonder if any recipients deep down in their heart of hearts feel badly that their honor is hoplessly diminshed because of the politicization of the award industry?

darski said...

Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you and then the really great days come and we get to ROTFLOHO.

Thank you guys... needed this one

LawHawkRFD said...

Tennessee: Those with a brain and a conscience must feel somewhat embarrassed by the company they're in. Others--it's all ego.

LawHawkRFD said...

darski: Revenge is a dish best served cold. We're biding our time.

rlaWTX said...

Congratulations on not winning such a tarnished prize. That may the true mark of superiority.

Stan - you are hysterical!!!! I kept telling T-Rav there were good reasons to keep those healthy, adorable, un-shot kittens around - and now I have another: I didn't have to pay the chat tax!!!!

LawHawkRFD said...

rlaWTX: I guess it is a dubious honor to be overlooked. But we really wanted the fancy title of "Pulitzer Prize-Winning Author XXXXX." It impresses those who don't know any better.

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