Monday, April 9, 2012

Survival Of The Flittiest

The San Francisco Chronicle has great news for Californians. We’re number one again. In the Golden State, where the lotus-eaters aren’t prepared for great catastrophes such as a failure of the arugula crop, a shortage of imported merlot, or a Republican presidency, the state has moved to the top of the list in one vital area.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, California shines as the state most prepared for global warming and the end of the world as we know it.

It is the most prepared state for drought and water shortages. That’s because it created a huge drought and massive water shortages for the dispensable folks here in the Central Valley in order to save a worthless fish and prepare for the big anthropogenic disaster to come. Discovering that the San Joaquin Valleyites weren’t dying from thirst, the ecoweenies figured those troublemakers outside the big cities must be surviving on cactus juice, or some such thing.

Since there isn’t a lot of cactus in San Francisco, but recognizing the threat of a water shortage when made-made global warming causes the world to sizzle, San Franciscans (and other urban eco-survivalists) are loading up on Evian, Perrier and other designer bottled waters. There won’t be enough water to grow crops, at least until the Delta smelt dies it own natural biological death, but who needs agriculture when there are all those wonderful canned items such as caviar and bean sprouts? They do grow in cans, don’t they?

The Natural Resources Defense Council (aka Ecoweenies ‘Я Us) also included proactive actions in determining which state was most prepared for rapid climate change. California is in the forefront of measures to fend off the need for eco-survival. It was top of the list in efforts to reduce carbon emissions. The eco-survivalists are preparing to drive the new hydrogen and electrical powered cars which the state government has mandated within the next few years. They would drive Stanley Steamers if they could, but there won’t be any water when the crisis hits. Anything solar, wind or pixie-dust powered is being carefully conserved by the ecoweenies.

The state is also a leader in gasoline so expensive that only a rare few can use their automobiles for anything but vital necessities like getting to the store to buy bottled water. In an excess of caution, the state has also banned coal-fired energy plants which haven’t been used in California in over a century. The state already sends millions of gallons of naturally occurring water every month into San Francisco Bay and out into the Pacific Ocean in order to avoid stressing the Delta smelt by allowing the water to flow into the aqueducts. But just to put an exclamation point on their eco-sensibility, the California Water Efficiency Bill requires a further reduction in the use of water flowing in the state by 20% by the year 2020.

Eco-survivalists are different from other survivalists in that they store water and organic food, but they don’t store guns and ammunition. In the event of a genuine (as opposed to artificial) water and food shortage caused by global warming, it is unclear how the eco-survivalists plan on holding onto their food and water in places such as Oakland and Los Angeles.

Note: I’ll be in Bakersfield most of the day, so I thought I would give you something to kick around in my absence until I return later in the day. Please feel free to discuss what you and your state are doing to advance eco-survival. If you are doing nothing, please explain.

36 comments:

Tennessee Jed said...

Were it not for you Hawk, and a few others, I could actually enjoy . . . . no, let me clarify. I could enjoy watching the coast slide gracefully into the Pacific. Never have so many known so little ablut so much. :)

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

The eco-weenies are saying the Delta Smelt is dying. Could it be that they aren't dying and there is no way to find out. In other words, falsely claiming species that is in no way close to dying off, as the reason to shut down is a first class case of fraud, isn't it?

I am now questioning the original claim that a small fish is dying off.

BevfromNYC said...

Lets hope all of that bottled water and organic arugula sprouts are stored east of the San Adreas Fault...

NY doesn't care about global warming, because they do not have time for such deep thoughts. so many of our state legistators are either newly indicted, currently on trial, or recenlty convicted of some fraud or another, so they are more concerned with their own survival to be worried about the welfare of the general population. But then again we have Mayor Bloomberg who will save us all...

AndrewPrice said...

I would like to see California ban the use of water entirely. That would be fitting.

tryanmax said...

Isn't global warming preparedness a bit like an anorexic going on a diet? She's trying to solve a problem she doesn't have and she'll probably kill herself in the process.

LawHawk, if I understand this correctly, this rating is an assessment of passed legislation, so actual preparedness is not a consideration. I don't know how Nebraska ranks according to the NRDC, but most folks around here have four sections in their closets. That ought to cover almost any climate.

tryanmax said...

BTW, what the heck is that picture of?

BevfromNYC said...

Tryanmax - It looks like a beer-powered bicycle...

T-Rav said...

And they're totally on top of that delta smelt thing. So I guess California is number one in preparation for global warming and protecting useless endangered species. Can we go for three?

Crisd said...

Massachussetts is making everything so expensive that all the humans will migrate to NH or elsewhere. This is helpful to the enviornment of MA, I guess.

K said...

Natural Resources Defense Council 2012 = John Birch Society 1959.

Jocelyn said...

I actually own one of these, http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3652/3345307910_3e5446df4c.jpg, but I'm not sure it's drinkable anymore, sounds like oil when shaken.

Jocelyn said...

Canned Water

LawHawkRFD said...

Just flew in from Bakersfield, and boy, are my arms tired. That's my Henny Youngman/LawHawk joke for the day. Sorry, everybody. As usual, everything took considerably longer than planned.

LawHawkRFD said...

Tennessee: I have my floaties at the ready. And you couldn't be more right about California deserving it.

I remember back when they were predicting a big quake in the 70s or 80s, the gag was that Hawaii had changed its state anthem to "California Here You Come." There was also a reggae hit that had the refrain "better get ready to tie up your boat in Idaho."

LawHawkRFD said...

Joel: There are reputable scientists who have told the EPA that the Delta smelt was dying out naturally and that efforts to protect the lousy fish were only postponing the inevitable. Needless to say, the enviroweenies completely ignored them.

T-Rav said...

LawHawk, that joke is older than I am. Probably older than you are, too.

LawHawkRFD said...

Bev: When they find out that Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Jerry Brown, and Nancy Pelosi have major interests in the bottled water companies and are steering state business their way, we might come to look more like New York. If course, that's all just me guessing.

LawHawkRFD said...

Andrew: You will make an exception for a colleague, won't you?

LawHawkRFD said...

tryanmax: When a state is totally controlled by leftists, libtards, welfare recipients, limousine liberals and ecoweenies, there's only one agenda--make everyone else bend to your will.

LawHawkRFD said...

tryanmax: Those are ecoweenies towing their water and food on a trailer hauled by a bicycle. Very environmentally-friendly.

LawHawkRFD said...

Bev: And the beer would have to be microbrewed, using only imported hops and barley, and it has to have 20% less water. It must be like drinking sludge. LOL

LawHawkRFD said...

T-Rav: You don't know the half of it.

LawHawkRFD said...

Cris: Amazing, isn't it, how the ecoweenie states export their taxpayers and keep their ivory tower cuckoos? What are they going to do when there's nobody left who is willing to pay the outrageous costs of food that isn't any better than what we've been eating for the last fifty years?

LawHawkRFD said...

K: A very apt comparison, except the John Birch society never got a stranglehold on the state's government.

LawHawkRFD said...

Joeclyn: I think we had some of those years ago when they created another phony water crisis in California. I don't think I'd drink it now.

LawHawkRFD said...

Jocelyn: When you link you can't put a period at the end of it or you'll get a "can't find" message at Flickr. Here's the link without the period at the end: Canned H2O.

tryanmax said...

Okay, I've just updated my catastrophe preparedness plan:

1. Don't be in California.

That was easy.

LawHawkRFD said...

tryanmax: That's an excellent plan. Wish I'd thought of it, a long time ago.

T-Rav said...

"Don't be in California"? Well, I've never even been in California. Count it!

LawHawkRFD said...

T-Rav: Does that mean you've never lived it up in California? LOL It's actually a great place to visit, but God help you if you try to live here.

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

Haven't you noticed, quite a few celebrities are moving out of California?

James Cameron of Avatar fame to name one.

rlaWTX said...

So, when the disaster comes, those with caches of arms and ammo can make a quick trip out west to the "grocery store"?

I have friends with food, medical supplies, and arms/ammo. My brother/mom have guns & ammo. My preparedness plan is to just suck up to them now.

LawHawkRFD said...

Joel: Much of it is just plain hypocrisy. They have an inordinate love of money, so they don't let their principles get in the way of their wealth and fame even if it means leaving a state that taxes them to death while sinking farther into bankruptcy. Now if you had said Robert Duvall, I would at least have known that the reason for the move was a combination of both courage and convictions.

LawHawkRFD said...

rlaWTX: In California, those with the caches of arms and ammo are largely not the good guys (except in the Central Valley and the cow counties). In Oakland, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Sacramento, the rabid wolves will be eating the anti-gun sheep.

Joel Farnham said...

LawHawk,

I think Robert Duvall lives here in Tennessee.

I brought up James Cameron for two reasons. First, to show his hypocrisy. California is now the Socialist Envrio-weenie Heaven that keeps harping on, so he should stick around to enjoy it, right? Pbbtt!!!! [The only way a Bronx Cheer on page.]

Second, I saw earlier in the month, his ex-wife, Linda Hamilton, is also selling her mansion, but she isn't moving as far away as Cameron. He is moving to New Zealand. She to another state.

They move out of the state that actually made them because they are out for number one. I have no problem with that. I have a problem when they move to another state and recreate what caused the decline in their original state and don't see that they are the problem.

Oh, New Zealand, is far more ordered and structured society. It also is very weird. That is where the Liberals got the notion about forcing people to reuse their bags when they grocery shop. You can't get a new one until the old one is so decrepit and you have to demonstrate that it is.

LawHawkRFD said...

Joel: I only picked Duvall because he has been outspokenly pro-American and highly dubious about junk science and high taxes. I had no idea where he actually lives.

The exodus of enviro-liberals into other states where they recreate the mess they left behind has been going on for a very long time. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, the most popular bumper sticker in Oregon was "Don't Californicate." They also had roadside improvised signs that said "Californians: Welcome to Oregon, Now Go Home." Andrew tells me that he sees a lot of the same thing happening in Colorado.

Post a Comment