The Elves Are Back. . . And They've Been A Protestin'

By the Boiler Room Elves

Editor's Note: To our great surprise, we learned that the Boiler Room Elves escaped our basement and made their way to Washington, D.C. to participate in the 9/12 protest. Upon their return and after a savage beating, they produced the memo below explaining their absence. We thought you might find it interesting. . . (you can click on pictures to enlarge)


To: Management
Re: Unexcused Absence

We Boiler Room Elves often feel alone in our political convictions, locked away in the sub-basement of the building as it were. We thus found it extremely encouraging when, a mere hour into our half-day's sleigh ride along the interstate to the 9/12 Tea Party march on Washington, we had no fewer than 4 different cars wave at us to indicate that they too were heading to DC.

"BR-Elf-4" was decked out in its political best, and much to our pleasant surprise, a great many other people on the road seemed happy to see us there, waving, flashing headlights, and giving us thumbs up. One couple, who had travelled all the way from Colorado no less, went so far as to follow us off at a gas station and share their excitement about the rally.

Nevertheless, after cruising into the Elf Hostel in the suburbs in high spirits, we suddenly found ourselves concerned for the next morning. The lady who runs the Elf Hostel warned us - there had been no coverage of the event in the local media and the locals are usually given warning to avoid downtown when something big is coming up. We might end up downtown alone? Would we be accosted by Obama-mites as we sat all alone on the train? Would our signs create angry mobs of locals that would taunt us the entire journey? Would Acorn have taken over the trains and might we have one of our pointed ears bitten off?? The elf contingent dallied over morning Cheerios...

Imagine our surprise, then, when we walked up to the Metro stop and saw a man with teabags hanging off a straw hat. And over there - a woman with a giant red, white and blue star! A young man in a T-shirt with Reagan that said, "Old School Conservative!" The elves need not fear travelling alone. Indeed, we had to wait 30 minutes just to buy tickets for the Metro! Once on the Metro, it was standing room only all the way into town, and after a couple stops, no more people could get on at all. We might note, by the way, that the one passenger who appeared not to be headed to the Tea Party chatted on her cell phone and was quite irate that the local media had not told her to avoid downtown today.


We exited en masse at Federal Triangle around 10:45, with the march scheduled to start at 11:30. People were clearly moving down Pennsylvania Avenue already, though. A volunteer informed us that they had been forced to start the march 1-1/2 hours early because there were so many people already gathered there. They had been marching for 45 minutes and people were still streaming in.


We marched slowly down the avenue. We waved our signs. We chanted. We yelled and screamed.

"Yes we can - Vote you out!"

"U.S.A."

"Enough! Enough!"










As we came off Pennsylvania Avenue on the far end of the mall, we passed a pile of horse manure in the street from the DC park police horses, no doubt, with a volunteer warning us not to step on Congress! We found ourselves on the far end of the mall, in front of the pond that sits in front of Congress. The crowd at this point, perhaps 11:45 or 12:00, filled the area in front of Congress and reached about halfway into the first square of the mall between the Smithsonian museums. CNN and FOX had RV's parked there, but neither was interested in an elf's point of view. We worked our way through massive numbers of people around the pond to the area in front of the steps to the Congress building. We couldn't actually get closer than the street, but we did eventually find a small spot to sit and listen to speakers, even though we had no sight of the stage.





The speakers were mostly a collection of average Americans. A female Marine who had done 2 tours in Iraq. A man who had lost his car dealership when Obama created Gov't Motors. Organizers of local tea party events. A couple Congressmen. Rep. Mike Pence (IN) said that Pelosi could call us "un-American" but that to him, we looked like "the cavalry!" (THERE'S A COPY OF HIS SPEECH HERE) Speakers repeatedly asked Obama - "Can you hear us now??!!"



The speeches wound up around 4:00 and the crowd dispersed. We elves had some dinner, hoping to avoid the worst of the crowds on the Metro, but we still ended up in the thick of it around 6:00. On our way from the restaurant to the Metro, a woman - clearly not a protester - caught up to us and asked, "Are you here protesting?" Yesssss... It turns out that she lives here and works in a museum on the Mall. She looked out this afternoon, saw everyone and thought, "Oh a protest." Then she read the signs and realized she agreed with this one and that one and "wow, these are the GOOD people!" And guess what? She's a staunch conservative and hadn't heard a word about it before today either. She must read the Post.

We spoke with many people from all over the country. Organizers said that 450 busses had shown up. A person from Pennsylvania said that their local tea party group organized 1 bus to take some people who didn't want to drive, and it filled up overnight. So they ordered a second bus. That filled up, as did a 3rd, a 4th, and eventually they ended up sending 30 buses from their region because people kept calling to join in. A family from Atlanta had brought their kids and made a DC week out of it which was "breaking the bank but is worth every penny!" People on the Metro with us had driven in from all over and were staying with friends in the area.

It's clear that the majority of these people are still in their "rookie season" when it comes to protesting. Most had never been to a protest before. We elves only started this year ourselves, and we've learned much. Back on April 15th, the first time we snuck out, we showed up at the Tea Party empty handed and wearing our standard green tights and curly shoes. By early June, we'd learned to make signs and wear something patriotic. We quickly learned that it's helpful to attach your sign to some sort of pole rather than rely on your arms to hold it up for hours. By July 4th, we'd learned to make cleverer signs (we generally steal the ideas for the signs from the BossMan), wear buttons, and add bumper stickers to the sleigh. By now in September, well, we're not up to showing up dressed in American Revolutionary period garb, but we've added a Gadsden Flag to our repertoire and we've got the main points down. Another bridge we've not crossed yet is the handing out of pamphlets or stickers to further a cause, a book, or a website. Today we received a $1,000,000,000 bill with Obama on it and an Obama credit card with "no spending limit!" - each with a website to visit for more information. Maybe next time, Commentarama...

We elves are happy to report that it was an uplifting day. It's great to know that you are NOT alone. There are many people who believe like you do and are willing to stand up for those beliefs and for the country. We're even happier to know that these are just average people. They aren't professional protesters or activists, they were normal people who want their voiced to be heard.

We'll head back down to the boiler room now, content in knowing that others out there are fighting right along side of us. And when necessary, we'll hop on BR-ELF-4 and head right back here to make sure our voices continue to get heard.