My Dog Ate My Invitation

A few months back, I finally received my invitation to stay at the White House. Unfortunately, I showed up without my checkbook, and was turned away at the gate. I have been patiently waiting for my next invitation to arrive, but I'm beginning to despair. In the meantime, I've been jealously racking up a list of those who have visited Mr. Obama overnight. Then I started to rank them in order of importance based on the number of sleepovers.

In inverse order, here's the list:

OPRAH WINFREY: 2 visits. This seems like a rather strangely low number of visits, since Oprah almost singlehandely gave the obscure Illinois political hack his first real national coverage. But then gratitude has never been a hallmark of the Obama administration.

AL GORE: 4 visits. The former vice president and internationally recognized climate maven would probably have been making more visits, but he's been busy flying around on his corporate jet spewing out carbon dioxide and other pollutants by the tons in order to call attention to carbon dioxide and other pollutants in the atmosphere causing global warming (or is it global cooling this week?). But considering the huge profits Gore is making off his carbon exchange program, it was inevitable that he would make a few visits to the White House to talk about cap 'n tax and other ridiculous government programs which will further enrich the Goracle while contributing to Obama's ongoing political war chest.

GEORGE SOROS: 4 visits. The admitted Nazi collaborator who is currently busy shorting the U.S. dollar on international money markets and helping to deepen the current economic crisis is the major funder of MoveOn.Org, and therefore very useful to a president who doesn't really give a damn about America anyway. They are probably discussing ways of making the financial crisis even deeper so that Obama can ride in on his white horse and save the government by destroying the Constitution. Soros has proven experience. He almost succeeded in ruining the British pound, and was indicted and convicted of currency fraud in France.

JEFFREY IMMEIT: 5 visits. This may not be as apparent as some others. After all, isn't Immeit the CEO of a major evil U.S. corporation? As chief executive officer of General Electric it would at first seem an odd choice. But remember that the boards of most major corporations are stacked with Democratic Party contributors, and Immeit has been no slouch in that regard. But his biggest contribution is G.E.'s ownership of NBC, one of the three major commerical networks which has been in the tank for Obama since the day of inauguration. Since ABC took up permanent residence at the White House awhile back, it was the least Obama could do for NBC.

JESSE JACKSON: 6 visits. The perpetual fundraiser for the Rainbow Coalition (a support group for Jackson's mistresses), Jackson was a multiple entry in past presidential races. The highly-successful collector of legal damages and immense bribes for all things racial still remains a mystery guest, since his influence on politics has been nearly nil for the past five or six years. Maybe Obama hasn't discovered that the race-baiter du jour, is the even more reverend Al Sharpton, who has only stayed twice at the executive mansion. Or maybe it's just that old habits die hard.

TED KENNEDY: 7 visits (although as far as I know, he won't be having any more). The Lion of the Senate had made socialized medicine a keystone of his final years, and Obama generously repaid him with stays in the White House. It was the closest Kennedy got to the presidency since he ran in the primaries against Jimmy Carter. That didn't work out too well, either.


KIM GANDY: 14 visits. The outgoing (literally and figuratively) president of the National Organization for Women. If this were the Bill Clinton White House, I could figure this one out easily. But since it's not, I can only conclude that these visits are at Michelle's invitation. Either that, or Gandy plays a mean game of basketball.

JOHN PODESTA: 17 visits. He is a former Clinton operative, and has been known as a dirty-tricks expert of the highest order for over two decades. He is currently in charge of a left wing blog that specializes in personal attacks muddying any conservative who believes the Constitution should still be the basic American guiding document. Though not from Chicago, he certainly fits in vey well with the other denizens of the White House.

And the winner is:

ANDY STERN: 22 visits. Stern is the president of the SEIU (Service Employees International Union). The service employees union, which generally services nobody but themselves is one of the last gigantic, socialist and communist-dominated unions in America. It's political philosophy is basically bastardized Marxism/Maoism. But Stern himself fits better into the Stalin category. He is a close associate of recently excised czar Van Jones and an enthusiastic supporter of ACORN. His thugs are still "under investigation, cough, cough" by the Holder justice department for beating up an anti-Obama demonstrator at a political event open to the public. While that investigaton is ongoing, another attack occurred on an actual SEIU member who dared to criticize the union and Obmamacare publicly. That, too, is "under investigation."

The SEIU recently appeared in droves for an Obama rally in Montana, and proved their bully credentials by attempting to threaten anyone opposing Obama who tried to get near the airport photo op. Unfortunately, they also proved a truism about bullies. When the locals found out by word of mouth about the rally (the SEIU was notified well in advance, and came in SEIU buses), they showed up in huge numbers. When the thugs found out that despite all the planning, the locals now outnumbered them, like all good bullies, they slunk back to their buses and left town. They knew there aren't a lot of metrosexuals in Montana. I'm assuming Obama and Stern are discussing ways of avoiding such future fiascos.

It was a running joke under the Bill Clinton administration that the Lincoln bedroom was available for short-term, high rent overnight stays. Under Obama, both the East and West Wings of the White House are now available for hire by Obama enthusiasts, fund-raisers, and gangsters.