Chaplains For Atheists--Huh?

Leave it to the New York Times to find an absolutely ridiculous concept and treat it as a legitimate news story. This time it's the ultra-serious issue of whether atheists and secular humanists should have their own military chaplains. Now stop that giggling immediately. Everybody needs a place to get together and not pray while being led by somebody who knows the right way not to pray.

There are atheists in foxholes after all. And they need non-religious leaders to teach them, well, what? I suppose they'll have hymns such as All, Or Nothing At All. They'll read from the writings of the great non-theologians such as Madalyn Murray O'Hair. They will reminisce about how O'Hair, her son and granddaughter were murdered by a member of her organization, American Atheists. Then they can rejoice in the sure and certain hope that she will not be resurrected to eternal life, or any other kind of life.

The chaplain will lead recitations of "ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if the bomb don't getcha, then the fallout must." Instead of a cross or a star of David, the chaplains will sport big Zeros. There's nothing more comforting to a soldier than learning that his sacrifice is meaningless and that as soon as he's dispatched by someone on the other side who actually does believe in a god, he will become part of the great earth mother and nothing else. "We're food for worms, and we're loving it."

The nascent atheist chaplains will first have to get over the hurdle of being approved by senior religious chaplains. You know, the guys who believe in a god or two. That won't be easy, since chaplains must minister to a faith group. How do you minister to a group that goes out of its way to have no faith? In addition, in a non-sectarian way, military chaplains must be able to minister to the religious needs of those of a different religion or denomination. That's hard enough for a Protestant chaplain comforting a Catholic soldier. What's an atheist chaplain going to say? "Don't worry about it, it's all over for you after you're dead anyway." I don't think that would calm my worries about facing impending mortal death.

I'm picturing the Catholic chaplain saying to the wounded and dying Protestant soldier "Fear not but be of good faith. For Jesus said 'I am with you always." The atheist chaplain would say "Fear not, and be of no faith. For you are about to exit this world entirely alone."

Jason Torpy, President of the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers (I didn't make that up) told the Times: "Humanist chaplains would do everything religious chaplains do, including counsel troops and help them follow their faith." I'm leaving that statement to our readers to explain to me. I'm just too simple-minded to follow that logic. Perhaps former Captain Torpy doesn't know that there is a diametric difference between secular humanists and Christian humanists.

The former group carries "man is the measure of all things" to its logical extreme--there is no God, and you can't have faith in something that doesn't exist. Christian humanists took that phrase to mean that man is the measure of all things on earth and can only be found wanting when measured against the Lord and Father of us all. Christian humanism played a major part in the development of the Protestant Reformation as well as subsequent reform within the Catholic Church itself. But one thing remained constant--a deep belief in the divinity of Christ.

After being approached by soldiers at Ft. Bragg to appoint an atheist lay leader for the members of Military Atheists and Secular Humanists (yes, MASH), one senior chaplain replied: "You're not a faith group, you're a lack-of-faith group." The chaplains had no objection to assisting in the formation of an atheist group and appointing a leader, but balked at the idea of going so far as to admit them to the Chaplain Corps. Atheists have problems too, and I applaud the chaplains' Christian charity. But if faith in God is not part of the solution, then it doesn't belong in the religious realm. They could simply attend the local state college. No God there, I assure you.

The Times spent a lot of ink on discussing how MASH leaders feel that religious chaplains give more comfort to believers than to atheists. Well, duh. "God loves you" is a lot more comforting than an atheist singing "somebody loves me, I wonder who." Atheists have chosen not to believe in God, so they'll have to make do with being comforted by others who share their non-belief. A traditional chaplain who tells an atheist soldier that everything will be better in the next world or in heaven is very likely to get into a lot of trouble.

The Times turned what could have been a decent discussion of how atheists and secular humanists in the military might gain strength from each other and turned it into a very unserious discussion and unintentionally funny article about atheist chaplains. Group therapy is for psychologists and other charlatans, not for chaplains.