The Re-Quotable Obama

There isn’t much in the news in the past couple days. . .

Unless you count the NFL decision, which is meaningless because that’s going to drag on for years until they reach the same settlement they could have reached a couple months ago. And good luck if either side actually wins. I hope someone can dumb down the concept of “pyrrhic victory” to a level that football people can understand.

Of course, there is the Haley Barbour thing. He must have known that I was working on him next. And since he couldn’t take the heat from Commentarama, he decided to drop out of the 2012 race. That changes the race approximately 0.002 iotas.

We also have some silly hacker stealing the personal information of 70 million subscribers to Sony’s PlayStation Network. This is an outrage. Now some Russian syndicate knows the names of 70 million overweight kids. That kind of information could tip the balance of the known universe . . . no pun intended!

And let’s not forget that Obama has a “genius” plan to save us from high gas prices. Yep. He wants to eliminate oil companies’ special tax deductions. While I consider that a good thing for the sake of reforming the tax code, especially if we use this as an opportunity to eliminate all other tax-deduction carve outs, the truth is that this is no way to make gas cheaper. In fact, the idea that Obama thinks a tax hike on a producer will result in lower prices just goes to show us that he is indeed an idiot of Biden-grade proportions.

Anyhoo, with nothing else going on, let’s play a game. You know how Obama likes to pretend to be prior Presidents, right? Well let’s see how Obama might have handled certain famous historical quotes. For example:

FDR said: “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. . . and elves.”
Obama probably would have said: “We have nothing to fear, but my administration.”

JFK said: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”
Obama probably would have said: “Ask not what your country can do for you, just be happy it does it and the rich will pay for it.”

Harry Truman said: “If you can't convince them, confuse them.”
Obama probably would have said: “If you can, confuse them. If you can’t, then lie.”

Nixon said: “I am not a crook.”
Obama probably would have said: “I have not yet been prove a crook.”

Carter said: “I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.”
Obama probably would have said: “I commit adultery all the time, but I forgive me.”

You get the picture. What’s your take on these quotes? Or on other quotes? Or on the NFL lockout? The draft is tomorrow night you know. . . it’s never to early to get your false hopes up!