So Many Sins--So Little Time

Let me tell you how it will be;
There's one for you, nineteen for me.
Cause I'm the taxman;
Yeah, I'm the taxman. (George Harrison)
After destroying your income, and going after your property, the taxman has rediscovered the ever-popular "sin tax."

I thought you might all be interested in the latest on the "bet you didn't think they'd tax this" front. California has been considering taxing marijuana sales for awhile, and San Francisco has already started taxing medical marijuana sales. Despite the fact that medicinal marijuana has not been recognized as a lawful product by the FDA or the DEA, and therefore the federal government, nevertheless if you buy it, you're going to get taxed on it. There have been multiple lawsuits filed by individuals, NORML (The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws) and several respectable medical organizations, but marijuana is not yet fully decriminalized or legalized. Medical use of marijuana has been all but fully approved by many states, and the feds have been very lenient about enforcing the remaining laws. But when it comes to raising, harvesting and refining marijuana, the feds have not been willing to back off--yet.

Should five percent appear too small;
Be thankful I don't take it all.
Cause I'm the taxman.
I'm the taxman.

So what it comes down to is California is considering a tax on the raising, harvesting and refining of a product which is illegal to raise, harvest or refine. Well, California doesn't exactly like the federal law, so it's trying hard to find a way to tax what it can't acknowledge exists, and if it did exist, isn't taxable because it's illegal. (Are you with me, Camera Guy?) And you thought California legislators weren't hard-working. It comes down to a simple conundrum--somewhere along the line this would have to include a tax on income. Does anybody who reads this blog think for one minute that the feds are going to allow California to collect taxes on something they can't also collect taxes on?

As for San Francisco, the law is an impediment to good taxation practices, so The City has decided it will just tax the sale of medicinal marijuana however derived, however produced, wherever grown and in whatever form it is sold. No wasting time with pesky rules and regulations imposed by un-hip legislatures in Sacramento and D.C. Tax, tax, tax. Since it seems that somewhere between 40% and 50% pf San Franciscans have a medical need for marijuana, not to mention 100% of the members of The Board of Supervisors, San Francisco's budget deficit should disappear in a puff of smoke.

Across the border in Nevada, they're going to put California to shame (if such a thing is possible). No need to grow crops. No need to harvest, refine, market and sell. Because Nevada has found the perfect product to tax--sex. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. So why not tax it? The state that gave us the Cherry Patch, the Mustang Ranch, casino hookers, and Harry Reid now wants to introduce America to the sex tax. So far, the feds and/or the states have managed to tax other "sins" such as soda, beer, poker playing, tires, tobacco and hard liquor. But this is the best of all. Everybody does it, many pay for it (most, if you count ex-husbands after the fact). So the real creativity is figuring out exactly how to tax it.

The head of Nevada's appropriately name Senate Taxation Committee has determined that if should be about $5.oo per, uh, ah, mm, per something. There's already a stiff tax on condoms (yeah, I know, the devil made me do it), and sex toys are taxed on their intended use, not what they look like. So a giant pickle is taxed at one rate if it's sold in a sex store, and quite another if if you buy it at Safeway. Going to the Cottontail Ranch for a little entertainment could turn out to be a very expensive bunny hop.

"Sin taxes" are very popular among our betters in the legislatures. Sin is bad for you, so you should be taxed until you stop sinning, or die, whichever comes first.

The head of the Taxation Committee is named Bob Coffin (he wants to tax you from cradle to grave, literally). Senator Coffin believes it should be a head tax (behave, you guys). They haven't yet come up with a specific proposal for counting heads, though. One head, one tax? But each time he does the horizontal tango, will his head will be counted again? U. S. Senator Harry Reid is very supportive of his colleagues back home. He says the tax is a good idea. Well, of course it is, Harry, since you won't have to pay the tax. You haven't used your head in years.

Next up: The Colorado air tax, the Arizona dirt tax, and the Oregon lint tax.

Now my advice for those who die;
Declare the pennies on your eyes.
Cause I'm the taxman.
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

And you're working for me. Taxman! The Beatles, "Revolver"