They're Just Plain Folks, Those Obamas

We heard endlessly during the Presidential campaign how Republicans in general and the Bushes in particular were rich elitists who didn't care about the little guy. At the same time, the Obamas touted their education but made much of their own humble beginnings and simple ways. They identify with the common man, and have none of those elitist trappings so evident among Republicans.

So let's take a quick look at the First Mommy and Plain Jane homemaker who is Michelle Obama. She is indeed just like us ordinary folks, if by ordinary you mean the Astors. It took the Canadian press to give us a peek at simply ordinary Michelle's simple life. Somehow, the mainstream media in the United States really believe the propaganda, so they repeat it. Nothing extraordinary about how the First "Lady" lives.

When in her cozy little cottage called the White House, she has more than twenty personal attendants. When she travels, she takes as many of them as she can fit on the jumbo jet with her. In her own words she told the nation: "In my own life, in my own small way, I have tried to give back to this country that has given me so much." She calls it "giving back." To me, it looks more like "getting even, and then some." If I recall, this is also the woman who said that she was proud of this country for the very first time when her husband finagled his way to the Democratic nomination for President of the common folks. "See, that's why I left a job at a big law firm for a career in public service." Really? I thought she left the law firm to take a $300,000 per year job as a hospital administrator. A job for which she had no credentials or experience, and which paid barely $50,000 before her pals in Chicago set the position up for her.

Forget Mamie Eisenhower's hats from Woolworth's. Forget Patricia Nixon's "respectable Republican cloth coat." Forget independently-wealthy Laura Bush's moderate ways. Forget Nancy Reagan's seven assistants (not counting the astrologer). This First Lady is far too important to have less than twenty assistants, all of whom work for Simple Sarah on the taxpayers' money. Michelle Obama does not receive a salary for being the wife of the Crook-in-Chief, so she did indeed give up that juicy public service job at the hospital. But how big a salary do you need when you can get the rubes to pay for twenty-plus assistants to do everything short of going to the bathroom for you?

Here are a few of the titles and salaries of the modest assistants the moderate First Lady has working for her. Her Chief of Staff, Susan Sher, with no prior experience in government or protocol (obviously) earns a base salary of $172,200 per year. The next highest earner gets her high salary based on the lengthiness of her title. She is Jocelyn C. Frye, who is (get this) Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady. One is tempted to ask "what policies and projects have the American people or the Constitution authorized a First Lady to have?"

Next in line is Camille Y. Johnston, who earns $102,000 per year as Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady. Abigail Adams wrote her own correspondence at no charge to the public. But Abigail could actually spell and form coherent sentences, so I guess we shouldn't begrudge Michelle having someone to make her look a bit less unintelligent. Melissa E. Winter earns $95,000 as Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief of Staff to the First Lady. David Medina gets a mere $90,000 per year because unlike those illustrious ladies listed, he is only Deputy Chief of Staff to the First Lady and apparently doesn't assist the President at all.

Catherine M. Lelyveld gets $84,000 as Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady. Correct me if I'm wrong, but since the First Lady is not even a real official title, and her job is to be the President's wife, why does she need a press secretary at all? A poverty-level salary of $75,000 goes to Frances M. Starkey, Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady. Well, everybody needs somebody to warm up the crowd, right? The list goes on from as low as $36,000 per year for Sally M. Armbruster (as opposed to Michelle the Arm Buster), who is Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary, up to $70,000 for Trooper Sanders, Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady. Michelle seems to have an awful lot of policies and projects to need so much help. But I'm starting to get carpal tunnel syndrome from typing all those humble titles and poverty-level salaries.

The mother's little helpers add up to $1,216,200 just for the major list, and does not include Personal Makeup Artist Ingrid Grimes or First Hairstylist Johnny Wright, both of whom travel with Michelle at all times, and a few other executive director assistant manager co-partner whatevers. The humility and simple life of poor Michelle simply astounds me. Now I understand how she relates so well to the little folks struggling to put food on the table and clothes on their kids' backs. She is definitely someone who can relate well to the wives of unemployed and underemployed men everywhere.

A song from the last Great Depression should explain it all.

"She may be weary,
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress.
And when she's weary,
Try a little tenderness."

Oh, and along with that, twenty or thirty helpers and a million dollars in salaries, more or less. Fellow ordinary guys, if your wife is depressed, this will cheer her right up.