Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Liberal Case Against Pelosi

So I’m cruising the net yesterday and what to my wandering mouse clicks should appear, but a rather entertaining bit of leftist fratricide. Over at Salon.com, a fringe sleaze site, between articles comparing Glenn Beck to a Nazi, explaining that Bill Clinton was right to abuse FBI files, and shriekings that Disney “princess” movies “turn little girls into bedazzled pod people” was a fun little article called “The liberal case against Dennis Kucinich.” Let’s discuss, and let’s see if the same case can be made against San Fran Nan the Pelosi.

Now before you get all excited that you may get some real analysis here, let me warn you right up front that like all diatribes written by leftists, this isn’t really much of a test. It’s more of a “find some fact that supports a prejudice” than it is anything you could call an “argument,” but it’s fun nevertheless.

The Accused: Dennis “Barking Mad” Kucinich

Occupation: Hero of the Left, Congressional Mascot

The Question: Despite spending seven terms in Congress, what has Dennis Kucinich ever done for the cause of progressivism? Like seriously. . . and stuff.

The Normal Liberal Answer: He has such good intentions that he’s almost pure goodness and above reproach. He’s like finding an extra pound of tofu under your commune’s Prius. He’s a sunny day without princesses, where everyone has free health care and peace and happiness reigns and those who disagree with you are murdered in their sleep by angry mobs. :-)

This Liberal’s Answer: Nothing, that’s what he’s done.

The Proof: A quick search of the Congressional website reveals that since he’s been in Congress, from January 7, 1997 to the present, Kooky Kucinich has sponsored a total of 97 bills. Of those, only 4. . . yes, FOUR, made it out of committee and only 3 were enacted.

Conclusion: He’s an ineffective embarrassment to progressives and should be put to death. . . or someone should run against him, which ever comes first. No further proof or argument needed.


Wow! So that was the liberal case against Kucinich. Well, that got me thinking. . . a very non-liberal thing to do. What if we applied the same test to others?

What? Yes. Yes, I know that. I know that liberal arguments aren't meant for general purposes, that they should never be applied to people we like. . . just those we've already judged guilty. But dammit, I feel frisky. Let's do this thing!

I can think of no better target for this new test than that most progressive of progressives, the botox queen herself. Let’s see how she fares under the Kucinich Standard:

Nancy Pelosi: Pelosi sponsored 86 bills since 1987, making her much lazier than Kucinich (she’s running about four per year, while he’s running about nine per year). Of those, only 15 made it out of committee and only 6 made it into law -- about one every four years. That’s right, every four years one of Nan’s bills creeps into the legal books.

That’s way worse than Kucinich’s one every three years!

That’s also much, much worse than John McCain who got 33 bills enacted in the same time, or about 1.4 per year. Or Charlie Rangel who got 30 in the same time. Heck, Hillary Clinton got 11 bills enacted in seven years, that’s like 1.6 bills a year!

Thus, there can be only one verdict. . . Guilty, and ugly. No princess here. Off with her botoxic head!


Oh, and for those of you wondering about the princess-hate, apparently today’s “thinking” feminist is upset (1) that Hollywood thinks that “boy stories are for everyone, but girl stories ‘alienate half the potential audience’” -- ah yep, truth hurts, and (2) that you “females” allow yourselves to be “conned . . . into spending $3.7 billion on princess-branded crap last year.” For shame ladies, for shame. You should know that princess crap is not as good as nondenominational Miracle Grow.


19 comments:

Tennessee Jed said...

Come on now, Andrew - you are picking on the Tuna Princess, our Lady of Nan. Just because she hasn't sponsored legislation, how can you be so darned mean to a woman who has, how shall we say, almost single handedly kept the botox industry afloat during trying economic ties. Plus, remember how she quickly objected to the Iraq war (Did she vote against it after she voted for it or was that somebody else.) And, even you must admit she has been the most transparent Speaker since Nancy Pelosi. Am I wrong?

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, She certainly has been transparent, every one of her lies and all of her corruption is right out there in the open.

Don't tell me that you aren't buying this argument? It worked against Kucinich! LOL!

AndrewPrice said...

P.S. That is to say. . . it was supposed to work against Kucinich.

patti said...

just for fun, i'm gonna visit salon.com wearing a tiara and thinking princess thoughts. nothing i like better than watching the left poop themselves.

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, You know that won't go over too well -- leftists have no sense of humor! ;-)

LawHawkSF said...

Andrew: Nancy's got one up on Kucinich. She's not yet certifiably nuts (at least from a legal point of view). The day she joins Kucinich at a UFO rally and talks about her alien abduction, we can lock her up at Camarillo State Mental Hospital.

Tennessee: Don't forget there are three witches in the unholy Trinity from California. Pelosi shares the botox honors with Boxer. But they need to invite Feinstein to their next botox party. Di Fi is badly in need of some of the miracle drug. The last time I saw her in a hearing, she looked like one of Michelangelo's souls in hell on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. As the old joke goes, if Pelosi has one more facelift, she'll have a goatee.

AndrewPrice said...

You know Lawhawk, don't forget, Botox isn't just for women. . . your guvernator is looking a little phony these days. . . and not just politically.

As for SF Nan, I'm thinking if she started talking about alien abduction, you people might make her into a religious figure out there. Scary thought. Her and Pete Stark. Could you imagine the cult they could form?

Writer X said...

You can take away my freedom, but you can't take away my Malibu Princess Barbie!

Regarding Nan, it's hard to schedule in actual work in between all the botox appointments. I suppose we should be thankful that she's too lazy to do much in the way of bill creation. She's done enough damage simply showing up!

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X, I think I saw that Malibu Barbie line in one of my history books... Thomas Paine right? LOL!

As for Nan, I agree entirely. While this analysis may indicate that she's been a failure as far as progressives have been concerned, I personally view her as a stunning success for our side! :-)

Writer X said...

Andrew, I'm fairly certain Malibu Princess Barbie dated Benjamin Franklin.

After Nan's stellar performance the last two weeks, I'm ready to campaign for her in the next election.

AndrewPrice said...

Writer X, I agree! We should form "Republicans for Pelosi" with the goal being to keep her as the Democratic leader as long as we can!

StanH said...

Lawhawk you live in the opening scene from Macbeth, with the three witches, Nan, Babs, and Di! Wow!

Dispense with the ambiguities Andrew, and tell us how you really feel about Nancy? LOL!

DCAlleyKat said...

Guilty, now off with her head!

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, And here I thought I was being coy. LOL!

AndrewPrice said...

DCAlleykat, While that would give me great satisfaction, I am forced to admit that we don't want to lose our greatest weapon. . . so Nan stays.

DCAlleyKat said...

Okay Andrew, could we talk twenty to life - solitary confinement?

AndrewPrice said...

DCAlleyKat, Solitary confinement would be great. Let's build a wall around the Congress building!

CrispyRice said...

Love the picture for the article, Andrew!

I'm going to grab my tiara and scepter and join Patti!

Oddly enough, there's a local syndicated talk radio guy (Quinn & Rose) whose theme music for Pelosi was Annette Funicello's "Pineapple Princess." It was perfect.

AndrewPrice said...

Crispy, Glad you liked it. . .I though the picture was very appropriate. Pineapple Princess huh? Hmm. That does fit somehow.

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