BLUEBERRY HILL

By Writer X

Where to begin. The McCain/Hayworth senate race soap opera continues in Arizona. Bring the popcorn.

Let me start with the latest radio ad from John McCain’s crack public relations team. Remember the lady I talked about in my last post? The one who sounds like she just woke up from a three-day drunk dressed in a pink bathrobe and fuzzy slippers with her formerly red lips wrapped around a cigarette? Well, she’s back in McCain’s newest radio ad like a bad penny. This time the ad begins with her humming (yes, humming) “I found my thrills on blueberry hill” before she laments about J.D. Hayworth’s vote once upon a time for a blueberry farm when still a Congressman. Or something like that. Does it matter? The radio spot is nauseatingly bad. The lady sounds like she just downed three shots of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Prozac. It’d make more sense if the ad were used as a public service announcement against drug and alcohol abuse.

Next in the McCain/Hayworth cage match, you might recall a news story right before the Oscars where Hayworth posted a campaign ad on Drudge of John McCain in Avatar blue paint colors with the caption: John McCain—Nominee for Best Conservative Actor. Personally, I thought it was kind of clever and timely, given the Oscars the following day. Not John McCain and his people, of course. Probably 1.5 seconds after the spot was posted on Drudge, the foot-stomping and chest puffing started. A spokesman for John McCain grandiosely demanded that the campaign ad be taken down because it was insulting (unlike, of course, their barrage of campaign ads against Hayworth). When that didn’t work, the McCain spokespeople used the old standby excuse—the ad was racist.

Um, okay.

Against whom? I’m not real sure. I presume blue fictional Avatars have now become a protected class? Who knew.

Then this past week things took an even more bizarre turn. Hayworth ran a campaign ad where he talks about his Christian faith. Again, the McCain camp came unglued, along with our local newspaper. More chest-puffing and foot-stomping. They demanded, once again, that Hayworth discontinue “touting his Christian faith” because faith has no place in politics.

Really? Since when?

This hysterical behavior means only one thing: John McCain is absolutely sweating bullets over this election. There seems to be palpable fear that he will lose his senate seat. When J.D. Hayworth emerges from his house each day, I’m pretty sure McCain and his staff demand that he go back inside. Nonetheless, the election is a long way from over and Hayworth, in my opinion, needs to step up his game. And who knows what this week will bring. I’m sure it will involve plenty of foot stomping in custom-made Italian loafers.

In other Arizona news, Ann Kirkpatrick (D-Northern Arizona) is another freshman Congresswoman who may be seeking other employment in November. Kirkpatrick tried to look like a rock star last week by introducing legislation that would reduce Congressional pay by five percent to which most of us in Arizona said, “Big whoop!” It’s a little like bringing a squirt gun to a five-alarm house fire and then trying to convince the homeowner that you were the hero. Kirkpatrick voted for the $787 Billion Stimulus Bill and the Healthcare Bill that the majority of her constituents don’t want. Then she became invisible last summer when her constituents wanted townhalls. Suddenly she wants to be responsible with taxpayer money? And, a paltry five percent? Clearly Kirkpatrick is as desperate as John McCain. She ran as a moderate Democrat in a largely conservative district much like John McCain is trying to repackage himself like a Conservative in a largely conservative state. I’m starting to wonder whether Kirkpatrick is the drunk-sounding lady in the pink robe and fuzzy slippers in all of the John McCain radio ads.